Saturday, February 21, 2009

NEW AVENGERS ILLUMINATI #2: NO GLOVE, NO LOVE




[A stream of consciousness live-blog]


Part 2...

The Infinity Gem, this Valentine's Day from Kay jewelers. Don't give her a diamond....give her Infinity. Or, better yet, cash.

Why is Doc always sending his astral projection to these meetings? The traffic in the village is murder, I'll just astrally project and be home in time for ER.

She-Hulk took it from Titania...Hee...TITania.

Why is Tony squicked by She-Hulk having many bad guys and is "bad guys" a euphemism?

Ooo, Namor no likey.

Ok, Infinity Gauntlet. Shame on me, but haven't read. I'm guessing the Gauntlet is that Mandarin meet Michael Jackson abomination on the cover.

I propose we quickly and quietly find all six of the infinity gems. - Hee! Let's see, quickly and quietly - these guys? I suppose they could get Nick Fury to mindwipe everyone...Sorry, I'm still bitter.

Wow, apparently Reed can do things quickly and quietly. Just ask Sue! Ba-dum-cha! That joke, in honor of Sue, was invisible.

I'm worried. Has Reed been spending too much time in the Negative Zone?

It's funny, I've had this feeling something annoying was lodged in the collective unconsciousness. I thought it was Nancy Grace.

I'm tellin' ya, I think Stretcho's gone a bit around the bend.

The Xavier Academy for Gifted Youngsters - "Gifted Youngsters" always makes me snicker. Sooooo pretentious.

Doctor Strange is my anchor too! Love you, Stephen!

Pissy Namor. I love when he's all petulant, which, let's face it, is pretty much all the time. Maybe it's because he's mostly in a Speedo.

The collective unconscious is blank? Maybe TV is bad for you.

Ok, the Gem is the collective unconscious. I get it. Cool, that's --. I don't get it.

Is that sweat dripping from Reed's brow? What isn't he telling them? Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets, hurt someone!

I always feel sorry for Black Bolt. He should carry around a little pad to write notes on. That would ruin the fine line of his form-fitting black suit, but... Really. Not being able to talk or scream or laugh. He needs an Earth-shattering hug.

They're doing it! But what are they doing? Harnessing the shockwave and power of BB's scream to warp time?

Hehehe. I do so adore the Ever Lovin' Thing. He would be an hysterical addition to this serious brainy mix.

Ripping reality - not recommended.

That horrifying toothy monster - now, that's the collective unconscious!

Yikes, it's disenchancelling Tony's arm!

Ooooo, I love the panel with Doc screaming Noooo! There's something about it that takes me back. And he has excellent teeth.

Get the Gauntlet!

Gah! That was creepy. Come on Illuminati. Wake up.

Uatu! Bringing the smack down! He totally reminds me of those peeps from that Star Trek episode the Empath where Kirk, Spock and McCoy are held captive on Panet Stage Ten and these big-headed aliens are running an experiment with this waifish chick who can take away their pain and injuries. And everyone is all "No, spare my friends. Take me. Hurt me, not them!" And she risks her phoney-baloney life to save McCoy (I think) and yay, she's an empath and wears gauze! And, btw, what was that girl's name?... GEM. Coincidence? Totally. I shudder to think at the endless hurt/comfort stories written in basements around the globe after that episode aired. Hold me, Spock.

"I have broken the code of my existence countless times for you." - Hee. Maybe the code blows? Or he's not Watcher material. Maybe he's just a Peeker or a Glancer. Just kidding. Love you, Uatu.

Hmmm.. six gems.. six Illuminati. Either that or they give it Menudo.

Okay, okay... Menudo only had five members, but they could always give the What Happened to My Career Gem to Ricky Martin.

Ok, I trust Doc and Black Bolt to protect and not use their gems, but the others... not that they'd do bad things on purpose, but they all have enough ego to believe they could wield the power for good and it "had to be done and they were the only ones to do it." Men. I can see each of them justifying the use. I think Namor's already thinking about it.

*pretentious ghostly voice* No good will come of this!

Reed looks suitable chastened, but good god man, what were you thinking? Have you not read any of the previous issues?

Just for that Namor should get to sleep with Sue. Again.

And that look.. damn, that's a creepy I'm gonna use my gem before I even get to my car look if I ever saw one. Charles never looked sexier.

S'all for now!

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