Friday, March 13, 2009


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

Yay Luke!

Tony, Tony, Tony... "Your sordid past is all be swept under the rug..." Wow, sounds like the kind of kind of government I want to work for! Come work with us and we'll bury your dirty little secrets. What kind of a country... never mind.

Carol Danvers... pfft. I don't like you, Miss Clairol.

Once again, Luke tells it like it is - short and sweet.

I never saw Mississippi Burning. I know I should, but I don't wanna. I saw Sweet Home Alabama, but I guess that doesn't count.

You're twisting this and I won't hear it! Hissy Fit, table for one. Wow. If he starts talking in the Royal We, I'm outtie.

Ok, I wasn't going to say anything the first time, but what the hell is up with the bright blue dots on the baby's face? They're making me crazy.


*I raise my tiny WWI surplus-size fist in as much revolutionary support as my WASPishness can muster* Cause the closest I've ever gotten to revolution, cause that's another movie I couldn't finish, is watching import DVDs of Citizen Smith. Power to the People!

I mean, really, Al Pacino in the American Revolution? Down with the Stamp Act. Hoo-ha!

You go, Luke Cage, bringer of truths and kicker of asses!

Awww, saying goodbye. *sniff*... he's gonna be a great dad. I pity the boys who come callin'.

And, it makes no sense whatsoever that Canada is somehow hallowed ground and SHIELD and whatever evil agencies are employed in the pursuit and capture of naughty supers will just get to Niagra Falls and say, Oops, can't go there. Government, schmovernment. We all know the Canadians are in cahooties with the US in all the things that count. We send them fruits and vegetables and they send us oil and Robert Ito. Robert Ito, ladies and gentlemen!

Dear God in Heaven what is wrong with that child's eyes and teeth in the "What are you gonna do?" panel.

SHIELD is at the door. I predict they get their sorry asses whipped. Again.

There goes Luke's shirt. Again.

Yay for the crazy neighbors and their animal crazy sawed-off shotguns.

Ooooo... is that DD's billy club, and for some reason I always first think "billy goat" and that's totally different and wouldn't be quite so effective.

And Cap's shield. Now, THAT'S a shield.

Super-duper awesome. I know the artists are just pushing my buttons with those ridiculous heroic poses, but my buttons, they loves to be pushed.

I hope you all take this beating as an opportunity for introspection. - F'in great.

SHIELD summarily whipped.

The revolution is on. Viva Zapata! Now, that movie, I've seen.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

Cap Goes Underground, soon to be a sticker by Shephard Fairey.

Okay, the vulture I recognize, but who's the other bloke? Bloke? I'm suddenly British. Pish-toss and bugger the Queen! Must be all those scones Stephen's been bringing me from the Astral Plane Bakery.

Oh, I guess it's the Grim Reaper. He's not so scary! Is he gonna come for me now? I'm so young.

Boo! on Agent Hill and her L Word hairdo.

I'm glad Cap's not alone. No one should be alone. Except maybe Kate Hudson. You can't find yourself in a man, honey.

Save people from a few doombots and the past is forgotten. All they need to do is stage a few more events like this and rehab that image.

Holy sweet Jesus, She-Hulk's booty should have its own library card.

I don't really know anything about Tigra. Can she change or does she always look like that. Finding outfits must be hell.

Ohmygodthatisthecutestthing - The Thing all doodley with the Richards' chitlins.

Wouldn't it fun to mess with Reed and sneak in and erase just a tiny bit of his whiteboard every day. Man, he's a smarty-pants, but he's making Pym look like a the stable one.

Speak of the Devil... and 42, a little Hitchhiker's Guide shout-out? Do the kids say shout-out anymore or is there some new slang, like ping. Did you totally see that ping on The Secret Life of the American Teenager? That was totally a ping. Do the kids say totally anymore? God, I'm old. Bring me a scone, Stephen.

Susan, Susan, Susan.. I know you love him, but what sort of life is this? Take the kids and skedaddle. He won't even notice.

What will you do, JJ, when your dreams come true?

I love the way some artists really capture Spider-Man's spaztastic grace. He's so fluid, and yet, all cattywampus too.

Oh Tony, listen to that little voice of doubt.

Here's the Patriot kid again.. they're grooming him like Josh Hartnett. Let's hope this time works out better.

Well, he gets points for distance. That was one helluva jump.

Hey! They're rounding them up and putting power repressers on them just like on Heroes. You don't mean Heroes is r-r-ripping off Marvel mega-events in a vain chase to regain ratings glory? Uhhhhh....

More exposition by red shirt who doesn't sense the GOD next to him.. ok, he's not technically a god like Thor, who I still wonder about, but he's a God to me. *sigh*

So 42 is a super-cage building, just like on Heroes where.. ok, I know....

Heehee.. this is your exit, buddy!

For the record, I tried that "iwantobesomewhereelse" spell at a screening of Nights in Rodanthe. Didn't work.

I wanna live in SHIELD Safe House 23!

Oh, Thing... you don't have to be on Reed's side. It surprise me that he's not spoken against the "witchhunt"... no offense, Wanda.

Wow, Peter. You did it. Your heart's in the right place, but... oh, boy.

Teehee! Jonah fainted.

Great googley-moogley. The sides is drawn, and the battle's begun. It's so sad, but good readins!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

Poor Cap. Who knew he could draw. Of all of them, being cut off must hurt him the most. His family is kerschpluka.

Is that a retcon of Cap's discovery in the ice? The IM armor is all wrong. Or is Cap's memory all a jumbley like Logan's was/is/will be?

Wow, quite a rant there by Cap. I have to say, it's true mostly, but that late night comedy news is a better source than most.

What the hell is a Capekiller and what the hooda-hey is wrong with Cap's pants?

Capekilling as in killing people who wear capes? That's awful.

Is Cap dreaming? Cause I'm stuck in Whatthefuckville. Is this the safe house or just some "abandoned warehouse"? Damn you, Reading Order Gods.

Yay, Falcon. His BFF.

No love lost for Tony.

Ok, at what point in the melee did Cap change his boots and pants? Not that I'm upset he got rid of those horrid pants, but what the hell?

I'm down, brotha. I ain't buyin' what they're sellin' and I ain't movin'. Right on!

At least he grabbed his nifty Cap shirt, which I still think looks like fish scales.

Cap is so forgiving and understanding and doodley! He understands Peter's choice and regrets that he wasn't the one to help him... *sniff*.

So, Sentry's ship.. it's there, it's not there.. wtf?

Grab your stuff and a bunch of ants...
- Hee!

I didn't think you thought that much of me.
- Wow, does that speak volumes.

Oh, Highpockets. You big lummox.

And here they are, ladies and gentlemen, a day late and a dollar short, your SHIELD agents at work. Pffft.

Hmmm, I wonder who is next? Cap looks angry and constipated. I'll have Doc bring him a bran muffin.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

Okay, opening it up...

I'm filled with nervous anticipation and broccoli as I start. I am told this is an “event”, like the Red Sea parting or a bra sale at Loehmann’s.

Nitro? From American Gladiator to super-villain, how the mighty have...risen.

Speedfreak almost took down the Hulk? I don't even know what he can do, but I call bullshit on that.

Ah, some sort of reality show. Must that crap invade even my fantasy world? Damn you, Mark Burnett!

Driving around the Midwest looking for goofballs to fight? Dude, have you been to Venice Beach? Shhhhhhhaaa!

Namorita, as in Namor's little cousin Namorita? He must have disowned her by now. She used to be not completely annoying. Has she always been blue? Is that henna? Oy and glug-glug.

Ok, I don't know who the chick who "marked" them was, but for the love of my sanity, what the hell is with the thong showing above the juicy c. sweatpants? Let's just keep that a Secret, Victoria. It's like wearing a sign that says "Two Bits, Joe". Underwear should be under your clothes. It's like a whole thing. That outfit.. something MJ would wear. Nuff said.

Blood and people pieces fly in these fights, but where are the teeth?


Big susplosion.

Cool, a comic cold open.

Who's the big black dude? Another Goliath? Hank in blackface? I cannot keep this stuff straight.

When did Tony's boots start having that cloven hoove thing happening? Creepy. And, does Cap have a toadie that carries around a tattered American flag and tosses it at his feet for photo ops? And what's with his boots? Who designed the footwear for this issue? Caps boots are clunky and the foldover is out of control, they look like uber bellbottoms. Call Bruno Magli! I know this is a serious scene, but fashion isn't just for fun.

Cap either has spittle or a cold sore on his lip. Was the Black Widow in town? I'm just sayin'!

Since when have the Sentinels been babysitting the X-Men? After the Wonderful World of Wanda? Next week, be sure to watch The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, starring Kurt Russell and Cesar Romero!

Ah, it is some kind of Goliath. But, I shall call him Captain Obvious or Senor Expositionito.

Is that She-Hulk on Larry King? He's gotta be a Skrull.

Wow, spitting on Tony. Damn. That always makes me think of To Kill A Mockingbird. “There's a lot of ugly things in this world, son. I wish I could keep 'em all away from you. That's never possible.” Oh, Atticus. I need a moment.

And, there it is.. the blood of children line...I owe myself $5.

Flippin' JJ! He's a machine and who is that scary MoFo on the right of that panel? He needs some Burts' Bees stat.

Wow, so now they want Supers not just be registered, but to pass basic tests. Interesting. I don't need the costume no more, ma! They got them testes and such.

Wow, Johnny Human Torch is a brat. I always thought of him as cocky, but decent. This is ugly.

Getting cracked on the bean with a bottle isn't cool, but man... could he have been a bigger asshat? Flame On, Johnny Storm.

Party at the FF's.

Stephen. Hello! May I take your Cloak Of Levitation?

Is that Hank and Jan? I thought he was black now.

Post-humans? That's an icky way of putting it. How about Unevolved Losers?

Wow, is Tony truly fully on board the HU(SH)AC train?

Hee, the Thing called Logan "stumpy"!

Nighthawk! Is that my Nighthawk? Having your brain out of your body for three issues can really change a man. (Peace out, Chondu!) I've missed you, Kyle, and your bazillions. Buy baby something nice?

Who's Patriot?

Cap! I'm always so happy to see him. Is it just me?

Boo.... Miss Hill. Respect the badge...piffle.

Oh snap, Cap! You tell her!

Oh, no they dinnint! SHIELD is so retarded. Yes. I said it and I meant it.

Damn her to hell is right and get Cap some Tiger Balm.

Every time I see SHIELD they're like the Army chasing the A-Team. Completely inept. I know, I know, they're actually really cool soldiers blablahhoorahcakes... and Cap is Da Man and half, but, they never get it right. I guess I need to read some old Howling Commandos or something because these guys are rubes.

On the other hand, Cap is beautiful in battle.

Keep flying, son and watch that potty mouth. Could I heart this man more?

Uatu.. he's very changeable in size, isn't he?

His presence does not bode well. - You ain't whistlin' dixie, doc!

Tell me a story. Tell me the story of Cap's 1970s throwdown with the government when he went all Nomad n stuffs.... Pleeeease?

Oh, Tony. And Reed and crazyass Hank too! All the brains. Well, that's three biggun's anyway.

Leave Captain America to us. - Oh, crappydoodles.

Oh man oh Manischewitz, this is going to be painful, but interesting. Can't wait to see who falls on what side and why. Tony they've explained pretty well. Reed likes order, I suppose. Wonder if Sue will agree. Doubt the Thing will. Hank, he's crazy so who knows. I guess he's projecting his own need for control onto others. Something tells me Jan is going to side with Cap. Peter, will he stay with Tony or go with your hero and mine, Cap? It's pretty clear where Doc Stephen My Future Husband stands - he's disgusted by the whole affair. Logan, no question where he stands. Luke's got to be against it.

And, one thing I'm wondering..WWTD? What Would Thor Do? He's pretty straight laced and has that royal lineage thing happening, but I guess he'd excuse himself from the human hullabaloo and retire to Aaaaasgard for some mead while we mere mortals tear our lil old selves asunder.

And so it begins.

Monday, March 9, 2009


OOOOOOO with the adaptation of the seminal work in the comic books from the 1986 with the reverence and the deconstruction of the genre and the real-life ramifications of the fighting of the evil with the costumes and the sexuality and the hitting of the dogs on the heads with the axe and the parallels to global unrest and the in-depth characterizations of previously two-dimensional characters has been made into a mooooooving picture and it looks lovely and pretty and has the hurting of the people and the solid casting but the many nice persons who didn't read the novel with the graphics will be with the scratching of the heads and the confusion but it does have the GIRLIEEEEES!!! to keep the boys in the happy warm place and the giant squid is nowhere to be found but that's okay and Bubastis looks like leftover footage from the Sci-Fi Channel's "Sabretooth" and ooo the ending is a little different but that's okay because the kids need the hope and oooooo, eee-OOOGAH, it's over now. HYMEN!!!


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

Thanos and his Celestial Codpiece of Arrogance are really something.

The Hulk looks like a giant Limecicle. I love those. In fact, I'm going to have one right now!

Doc is looking spiffy.

Hee. Perhaps, this all-seeing Goddess will not see or sense my magics if I do it behind my back!

Yay! A cosmic do-over!

Hulk's back looking for love in the all the wrong places. Eros is sent home where I hope someone kicks his sorry ass. Cloak and Dagger shag in an alley. Doom broods and plots. Namor wonders why he doesn't get a percentage of Paramount's Vulcan merchandising. NotThor is wearing a mask? Iron Man answers the phone! Hello, Avengers HQ... No, I'm sure.. there's a BIG A on the outside. Quasar, at least I think that's who that is, does nothing interesting. AlbinoVision wonders why the colorists hate him. Regular humans are stupid and puny and so we don't care what they're doing. Cap is giggley with excitement. Stupid ol MJ's back. Poop.

Come on. She wouldn't wish that part back the way it was. She could pick and choose. And if she wished it completely back, and she must have cause she's all Leona Helmsley again, then why is the gauntlet still on her hand? Hmm...?

Ok, phew. She caught it just in time.

What the heck is Warlock waiting for? Sheesh.

Oh, great. Now Norrin gets one right in the chest. Thanks a lot, Adam!

I understand why they have to use this ploy, but it's really illogical that Doc's hands have to be free to perform his magic. I mean, it's MAGIC!

The Cosmic Beings do not look happy.

Wot happan?

F'in Warlock and his "plan".

A mind meld. Whats's next, Pon farr?

Nebula has the power to pastel.

Oh, I hate when we're all building to a climax and then... meanwhile... argh.

Gamora? The green husk from ish 1? She goes to Doc's with Iron Man from where? What the hell? And Pip and Ferdinand are there just kickin' it.

Why in the name of Mike Rowe didn't Warlock do this earlier?

You go, Doc. You summon!

Ok, and these reserves are plucked out reality, with no knowledge of what happened and.. ok, ok.. I know.. moving on...

It's a scrum!

Hee. Love the hair pulling.

In a burst of rainbow delight, Warlock arrives. Is he gonna go all power mad now too?

Love the Destroyer's expression! Hee.

"And my person..." What an odd choice of phrasing.

Nicely done, NotThor.

"Go forth and tell the masses that Adam Warlock is a god who can be trusted." Hilarious!

You tell him, Doc!

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Somebody needs to yank that glove off him pronto.

"Sixty days into the future on an unnamed planet.. my own title will begin."

Thanos is Shoeless Joe! Aww, it's not him. Ah, but he lives!

Thanos is a farmer? And he's content being a farmer? Seriously? That's the end?