tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85889829593262182012024-03-14T00:22:57.325-07:00COMIXTRAVAGANZAMichaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.comBlogger160125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-38192464967140580312010-03-08T03:32:00.000-08:002010-03-08T03:35:45.223-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5ThCjrtc0I/AAAAAAAAAdA/zSXg9bARirA/s1600-h/hulk-cartoon-1-2.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 150px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5ThCjrtc0I/AAAAAAAAAdA/zSXg9bARirA/s400/hulk-cartoon-1-2.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446225283452334914" border="0" /></a><br />HULK DRUNK.<br /><br />REST OF FESTIVITIES A BLUR. HULK STILL HAVE FLASHES OF BEN STILLER DOING SO-SO.<br /><br />ANYHOO - "HURT LOCKER" WIN BEST PICTURE AND DIRECTOR. JEFF BRIDGES WIN BEST ACTOR FOR FIDDLE MOVIE. SANDY BULLOCK WIN AND GIVE ADORABLE SPEECH.<br /><br />HULK WAITING FOR POST-SHOW COMMENTARY FROM MARIA MENOUNOS.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-35002223322584701822010-03-07T19:11:00.000-08:002010-03-07T19:12:49.582-08:00<span style="font-weight: bold;">COSTUME AND TECHIE AWARDS PORTION OF EVENING. HULK IS GOING TO DO SOME SHOTS OF YAGERMIESTER. HULK LIKE YAGERMIESTER.<br /><br />BEST COSTUME LADY JUST SAID "SHE ALREADY HAD TWO OF THESE (OSCARS)". HMM. HULK HAVE SUGGESTION: GET YOUR SNOTTY ASS OFF THE FUCKING STAGE.<br /></span>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-88817185107352607172010-03-07T18:47:00.000-08:002010-03-07T19:05:17.885-08:00BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS COMING UP. HULK HAVE NO IDEA WHO IS IN THIS CATEGORY. JAKE GYLLENHALL ONSTAGE WITH GIANT BALL GOWN.<br /><br />BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: HULK IS GETTING UP TO GET MORE CHIPS.<br /><br />HULK BACK. <br /><br />"PRECIOUS" WIN. HULK HAS NOT SEEN IT BUT OPRAH KEEP TELLING US ALL TO SEE IT. HULK DOES NOT KNOW WHY, BUT WHEN OPRAH SAY TO SEE SOMETHING, HULK DOES NOT GO. HULK STILL FEELS TOTALLY SCREWED OVER BY ALL "THE SECRET" CRAPOLA. HULK WILL FIND AND SMASH EVERY ONE INVOLVED WITH THAT VAT OF NEW AGE SNAKE OIL. YOU WATCH.<br /><br />HULK LIKE QUEEN LATIFAH. HULK DOES NOT KNOW WHAT COUNTRY SHE IS QUEEN OF. BUT COUNTRY MUST BE PRETTY AWESOME. <br /><br />JEFF BRIDGES WITH BEARD LOOK LIKE STAR OF "DARK KRIS KRINGLE" ORIGIN MOVIE.<br /><br />LAUREN BACALL LOOK GREAT. <br /><br />BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: HULK HAS FINGER CROSSED FOR PENELOPE. HULK ALSO ADORE ANNA KENDRICK IN THAT AIRPLANE MOVIE. <br /><br />WINNER: MO'NIQUE FOR "PRECIOUS".<br /><br />HULK IS COOL WITH THAT. BUT HULK IS STILL DEFINITELY NOT COOL WITH "THE SECRET". REPACKAGING OCCULT TECHNIQUES FOR ADDLED MASSES MAKE HULK MAD. <br /><br />COLIN FARREL LOOKING TEN YEARS OLDER AND PASTY. WAIT....HULK SORRY. THAT IS COLIN FIRTH.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-10538711799501879322010-03-07T18:00:00.000-08:002010-03-07T18:46:58.374-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5RjAk98IbI/AAAAAAAAAc4/tcZ3QDVRqYM/s1600-h/PIC_1446.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5RjAk98IbI/AAAAAAAAAc4/tcZ3QDVRqYM/s400/PIC_1446.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446086710972391858" border="0" /></a><br />MMMM. CAMERON GLISTEN LIKE RAINBOW. CAMERON SHINE LIKE MORNING SUN. CAMERON UNDERSTAND HULK. HULK SIGH.<br /><br />BEST ANIMATED FILM: "UP".<br /><br />QUEL SURPRISE! EVEN HULK HAD MONEY ON THAT ON THAT ONE. HULK SEE LOU GRANT IN AUDIENCE. DID THEY MAKE "LOU GRANT" MOVIE, BASED ON TV SHOW? HULK MISSED IT. HULK WOULD CAST MICHAEL CHIKLIS AS NEW, YOUNGISH LOU GRANT IN REBOOT.<br /><br />MILEY CYRUS AND BLONDE GIRL ONSTAGE. MILEY CARRY ALL HER TENSION IN HER SHOULDERS. MILEY NEED ALEXANDER TECHNIQUE. WOULD MAKE HUGE DIFFERENCE.<br /><br />BEST ORIGINAL SONG: SOMETHING WITH A FIDDLE FROM "CRAZY HEART".<br /><br />HULK HATE THE FIDDLE. REMIND HULK OF BAD EXPERIENCE IN OZARKS. DON'T PRY OR HULK WILL SMASH YOU.<br /><br />HULK LIKE TINA FEY. HULK LIKE THAT TINA STRIDE SHOW BIZ LIKE COLOSSUS WHILE SKEWERING SHOW BIZ AT SAME TIME. HULK PISSED THAT SHE'S PRESENTING WITH IRON MAN, THOUGH. PUNY STARK ALWAYS TRYING TO HURT HULK. HULK DON'T MEAN TO BE BITCHY, BUT STARK DRINK. A LOT. HULK JUST SAYING.<br /><br />BEST SCREENPLAY: "HURT LOCKER"<br /><br />HULK HAS NOT SEEN "HURT LOCKER". IS IT MUSICAL?<br /><br />MOLLY RINGWALD AND FERRIS BUELLER SHOUT OUT TO JOHN HUGHES. HULK MISS JOHN HUGHES.<br /><br />MCCAULEY CULKIN LOOK SAME AS MCCAULEY CULKIN LOOKED IN 1991.<br /><br />SAMUEL L. JACKSON ALWAYS YELLING. WHY HE SO MAD? HE MAKE MORE MOVIES THAN MICHAEL CAINE. MORE TV MOVIES THAN DENNIS BOUTZEKARIS. HULK SAY CHEER UP. <br /><br />HULK LIIIIIKE ZOE SALDANA. ZOE PRETT-Y. HULK WOULD TAKE HER TO SIZZLER FOR CHEESE TOAST, THOUGH. ZOE NEED SOME CARBS. HULK DOES NOT KNOW WHO IS STANDING NEXT TO HER AND HULK DOESN'T CARE.<br /><br />BEST ANIMATED SHORT: HULK DOESN'T CARE. AND MAKER OF SHORT SHOULD NOT WEAR TIE SO LOOSE. THIS IS OSCARS, NOT NOSH AT NATE N' AL'S.<br /><br />PUNY GIRL NEXT TO ZOE HAS BRITISH ACCENT. HULK ALREADY BORED BECAUSE HULK GUARANTEES MOVIE SHE WAS IN HAS PEOPLE IN CORSETS STANDING AT WINDOWS LAMENTING ARRANGED MARRIAGES. OY.<br /><br />HULK JUST MISSED LATEST AWARD FOR DOCUMENTARY SHORT. BUT WINNERS ONSTAGE SEEM AS HAPPY AS HULK IS TO SEE ZOE SALDANA.<br /><br />BEST LIVE-ACTION SHORT: HULK BORED.<br /><br />OH, MAN. HULK THINK BEN STILLER THINK BEN STILLER IS VERY FUNNY. HULK WILL REFRAIN FROM OBVIOUS JOKE ABOUT THOSE BEING BEN'S REAL EARS.<br /><br />BEN KIND OF BOMBING NOW. HULK SAD. AND ANGRY.<br /><br />BEST MAKEUP: "STAR TREK". ZOE SALDANA IN THAT MOVIE. HULK LIKE ZOE.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-25994821096022781402010-03-07T14:55:00.000-08:002010-03-07T17:56:45.389-08:00HULK HAVE CHIPS AND SALSA AND RC COLA AND IS WATCHING 2010 OSCARS!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5RZO0Yp8nI/AAAAAAAAAcw/E49EV2OcyZk/s1600-h/152244__hulk5_l.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 395px; height: 315px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5RZO0Yp8nI/AAAAAAAAAcw/E49EV2OcyZk/s400/152244__hulk5_l.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446075960512868978" border="0" /></a><br />HULK JUST SAT THROUGH SEEMINGLY ENDLESS RED CARPET INTERVIEWS. HULK ANNOYED. WHY EVERYONE THRILLED TO BE HERE? PLACE IS FULL OF PUNY HUMANS.<br /><br />WHY MILEY CYRUS SO SERIOUS ALL OF A SUDDEN? IS HULK SUPPOSED TO THINK "OH, MILEY SERIOUS NOW. CAN PLAY SERIOUS ADULT ROLES"? HULK DOESN'T THINK SO. HULK SAW "THE LAST SONG". HULK WAS MISLED BY TITLE. MORE SONGS CAME.<br /><br />SHOW START NOW. PUNY STARS ONSTAGE. SANDY BULLOCK (HULK CALL HER SANDY BECAUSE SHE LIKE HULK'S MOVIE, SAID SO AT SCREENING) LOOK GREAT.<br /><br />MERYL STREEP JUST WON OSCAR FOR STANDING ONSTAGE.<br /><br />DOOGIE HOWSER ONSTAGE. SINGING. HULK CANNOT GET PAST DOOGIE'S SHINY JACKET. DOOGIE LOOK LIKE LIBERACE CIRCA 1954.<br /><br />PUNY STEVE MARTIN AND NOT-SO-PUNY ALEC BALDWIN TAKE STAGE. STEVE THINK GLASSES MAKE HIM LOOK SMART - LIKE PUNY BANNER!!!<br /><br />ALEC EITHER WEARING TRUSS OR LOST EQUIVALENT OF TWO BALDWIN BROTHERS.<br /><br />HULK HAPPY CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER THERE. PLUMMER IS THINKING MAN'S BRADFORD DILLMAN.<br /><br />HAAAHHH!!! JAMES CAMERON JOKES FUNNY. HULK JUST SPIT OUT CHEDDAR POPCORN.<br /><br />QUENTIN TARANTINO LOOK LIKE HE SWALLOWED JACKIE BROWN.<br /><br />WHO TAYLOR LAUTNER? HE LOOK LIKE HE NEED IMMODIUM, STAT.<br /><br />HULK LLOOOOOOOOVE PENELOPE CRUZ. HULK WOULD DEFINITELY "BE ITALIAN" FOR HER. HULK FEEL WARM AND FUNNY.<br /><br />BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR WINNER: CHRISTOPHE WALTZ, "INGLORIOUS BASTERDS"<br /><br />HARVEY WEINSTEIN LOOK HAPPY. HULK LIKE TO SEE HARVEY HAPPY. HARVEY IS ONLY PUNY HUMAN THAT SCARES HULK. HULK ONCE SAW HARVEY THROW A CELLPHONE SO HARD IT LODGED INTO ASSISTANT''S THROAT. ASSISTANT MAKES CALLS NOW BY PRESSING NECK. HARVEY SMASH!<br /><br />OY. HULK HATES SITTING THROUGH POMPOUS INTROS TO CLIPS. RYAN REYNOLDS NORMALLY SO FUNNY. HULK THINKS SCARLET JOHANSEN MADE HIM LEAVE FUNNY AT HOME. SCARLET HAVE NICE -- WAIT! ANNOUNCER JUST SAY CAMERON DIAZ COMING UP. HULK MUST FRESHEN UP AND LOOK HULK'S BEST!! HULK LOVE CAMERON!!!! WHEN CAMERON SMILE, HULK DOES NOT WANT TO SMASH - HULK WANTS TO MAKE HULK'S FAMOUS PECAN SANDIES!Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-55811332013612732982010-03-07T14:50:00.000-08:002010-03-07T14:55:25.877-08:00BEFORE HULK LIVE-BLOG 2010 OSCARS...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5QuYLKsjUI/AAAAAAAAAco/mmtZjGlwPAk/s1600-h/hulk-stuff-5-389.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 331px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5QuYLKsjUI/AAAAAAAAAco/mmtZjGlwPAk/s400/hulk-stuff-5-389.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446028842247163202" border="0" /></a>HULK MUST KNOW: DOES HULK LOOK FAT IN THIS PICTURE?<br /><br />HULK MOISTURIZED AND DID COLON-CLEANSE, BUT HULK IS VERY INSECURE AROUND HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE. <br /><br />DO NOT TELL HULK TRUTH IF YOU THINK HULK LOOKS FAT. IF YOU DO, HULK WILL SMASH YOU.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-60379020307872175332010-03-05T13:50:00.000-08:002010-03-05T14:02:40.924-08:00THE THING IS A NEW AVENGER; WORLD SOMEHOW NEW AND RIGHT AGAIN<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5F81tjLOgI/AAAAAAAAAcg/LX6_Swd9MdI/s1600-h/phpThumb.php.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 260px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5F81tjLOgI/AAAAAAAAAcg/LX6_Swd9MdI/s400/phpThumb.php.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5445270686669683202" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"></span>In the entire history of the known universe, one social and cultural ill has finally been addressed and rectified: the rehabilitation of Benjamin Grimm, The Thing. The epitome of grumpy-but-loveable Level-10 power in the 60s and 70s, the last couple of decades had reduced him to mere comic relief, and for a guy who's gone toe-to-toe with The Hulk every other Tuesday, his strength has been downplayed or lessened to the extent that my sainted Aunt Mary, at age 97, could take him down after a couple of Harvey's Bristol Creams.<br /><br />But good things come to those who wait. Benjamin is gonna be a New Avenger in the upcoming "New Avengers" series, which by all rights should be called "New New New Newish-no-Wait-New Again Avengers". <br /><br />Brian Bendis seems to have really enjoyed his brief forays into Thing-dom in both the regular and Ultimate universes. I may even fork over the $17.99 this comic will cost, if I can't sneak a read at Border's. Just when I thought I was out - they pulled me back in!!! (please channel Al P. in "Godfather 3" for previous sentence).<br /><br />Cross your fingers. May New A-Ben-ger cleanse the palate from the "FF" movies and years in the wilderness. It's Slobberin' Time. Sigh. I tried.Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-60966976782348650672010-03-05T06:54:00.000-08:002010-03-05T07:05:29.985-08:0070s DUMB HULK WILL LIVE-BLOG 2010 OSCARS!!!! GRAAAAHHHH!!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5Edhcy2GmI/AAAAAAAAAcY/xXGR1Yrp1f8/s1600-h/HulkvSphinxcopy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/S5Edhcy2GmI/AAAAAAAAAcY/xXGR1Yrp1f8/s400/HulkvSphinxcopy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5445165884969982562" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"></span>HELLO PUNY HUMANS! HULK WILL SMASH YOU ALL. BUT BEFORE HULK DOES HE WILL LIVE-BLOG 2010 OSCARS ON SUNDAY NIGHT. HULK DOES NOT KNOW WHAT A LIVE-BLOG IS BUT HULK HAS A COUPLE OF DAYS TO FIGURE OUT. HULK WILL ASK HANK PYM. HANK PYM IS SMART PUNY HUMAN WHO SMASHES WIFE. HULK WILL SMASH HIM, TOO, BUT ONLY AFTER HULK IS REMINDED HOW TO BLOG. HULK GO NOW. HULK MUST LEAP FROM NEW MEXICO TO FOUR SEASONS HOTEL IN BEVERLY HILLS FOR PRE-OSCAR PRESS JUNKET. HULK WILL ALSO TAKE BRIEF LUNCH WITH EDWARD NORTON TO GIVE PUNY NORTON TIPS ON HOW TO PLAY HIM IN NEXT HULK MOVIE - WHICH HULK KNOWS PUBLIC IS DEMANDING. CURRENTLY PROJECT IS ON HOLD. NO ONE AT MARVEL ENTERTAINMENT WILL RETURN HULK'S CALLS. NO ONE PUTS HULK ON HOLD!!!! HULK WILL SMASH YOU ALL. SEE YOU SUNDAY. BRING BEANS. HULK LIKE BEANS!Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-29610971859534826322009-05-13T17:54:00.000-07:002009-05-13T18:08:15.904-07:00DR. DOOM, LOKI, FIN FANG FOOM, TONY STARK AND JOSEF GOEBBELS TEAM UP TO CREATE THE MOST INSIDIOUS, CLEVER AD FOR A NEW DRUG EVER<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/Sgtuz_kmrsI/AAAAAAAAAaI/hSK-V4O90qY/s1600-h/doomlandmine.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 386px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/Sgtuz_kmrsI/AAAAAAAAAaI/hSK-V4O90qY/s400/doomlandmine.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335480023067832002" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">www.isitlowt.com</span>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-87332870923441177852009-05-08T13:00:00.000-07:002009-05-08T13:08:43.351-07:00WORLD WAR HULK #5: WARBOUND, SCHMOREBOUND<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SgNaTk4Q7nI/AAAAAAAAAQk/dxFfhaKraE4/s1600-h/world_war_hulk_5.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 263px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SgNaTk4Q7nI/AAAAAAAAAQk/dxFfhaKraE4/s400/world_war_hulk_5.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5333205676100480626" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">[A stream of consciousness live-blog]</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">with commentary from MICHAEL<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >Note: So sorry for the long delay between posts. House-hunting and now moving. Will be posting again a bit sporadically for the next few weeks, then things should settle down. Thanks for you patience!</span><br /></div></div><br />Bob and his rippling muscles to the rescue! Hulk's nails are nicely manicured. I wonder what salon he goes to for his mani-pedi.<br /><br />IT'S ALL THE PUNCHING. SMASHING GRANITE BUFFS THE HANDS NICELY.<br /><br />More previouslies.... Hulk's family died, yada yada, planet destroyed, Reed bad.. got it.<br /><br />IMPORTANT TO REMIND YOU, MISSY. EVERY COMIC BOOK IS SOMEONE'S FIRST! I AM POINTNG MY FINGER AS I REMIND YOU OF THIS.<br /><br />Wait. Reed controlled the disk? No, Hulk did?<br /><br />HULK DID. THE ONLY THING REED CONTROLS AT THIS POINT IN HIS CAREER IS HIS BLADDER, AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE ABOUT THAT. I KNOW I HARP ON THIS, BUT I WISH YOU HAD GROWN UP KNOWING REED LIKE I AND MANY DID. HE IS NOT A TOOL. HE'S ANYTHING BUT. AND HE'S SMARTER THAN 6 TONYS (STARKS, NOT THE AWARD) PUT TOGETHER. I GET WHY THEY ARE DOING IT DRAMATICALLY BUT IT STILL STEAMS MY VEGGIES. REED HAS MORE REED-EEMIN' TO DO THAN TONY. MAYBE HE'S TAKING CIALIS OR SOMETHING (NOW IN DAILY DOSE FORM!) AND IT'S MESSING WITH HIS RUBBERY BRAIN. OR MAYBE HE HAS NEVER RECOVERED FROM JESSICA ALBA PLAYING SUE IN THE "FF" MOVIES. MMMMMM JESSICA ALBA. I WANT TO BUILD A TIME-SHARE ON HER BIG, PILLOW-Y LIPS AND THEN LIVE THERE FOREVER, WITHOUT SHARING. I'LL BE LIKE THOSE LADIES IN "GREY GARDENS".<br /><br />Ok, hold the phone. I know it's been forevah since I read ish 4, but I clearly remember a serious bloodlust thing happening. Now, Hulk's all.. not. I coulda sworn his plan involved killing them. Not that I'm complaining. Okay, maybe a little, but not really cause Stephen needs me!!!<br /><br />NAH YOU'RE HALLUCINATING. HULK MADE IT SEEEEM AS IF HE WAS GONNA KILL THEM, BUT HE WAS NEVER GONNA. HE JUST WANTED TO SHOW THEM, REALLY SHOW THEM, THAT HE IS NOT A MONSTER. THAT HE HAS MERCY. THAT HE IS NOT AS BAD AS HE BELIEVES THE ILLUMINATI TO BE. THAT HE'S MORALLY SUPERIOR. HE SURE SETTLED THEIR HASH! I LOVE THAT HE DID THIS AND I KNEW HE WASN'T GONNA KILLIPATE THEM. THERE IS STILL YOUR 70S DOODLE-HULK IN THERE AT HIS CORE.<br /><br />Bob knows how to make an entrance!<br /><br />OOOOO IT'S JUST TOO COOL TO SEE THE HIGH-POWERED GUYS BLAZE THROUGH THE PANELS AND SMASH THROUGH CONVENIENTLY UNOCCUPIED BUILDINGS BEFORE THEY SMASH INTO THEIR FOES. ROMITA JR. IS GREAT AT THIS GOD-LIKE-POWER STUFF, WHICH IS WHY I'M SURE THEY CHOSE HIM FOR THIS PROJECT. HE HAS A LOT OF KIRBY ON HIM, WITHOUT BEING A RIP-OFF. LOTS OF RAW POWER BEING THROWN ABOUT. LOVE IT. I WISH KIRBY WERE STILL ALIVE AND DRAWING, BECAUSE WITH MODERN COLORING AND COMPUTER-EFFECTS/ENHANCEMENT SUCH AS DISPLAYED HERE, HIS CHARACTERS WOULD LITERALLY (!) BURST OFF THE PAGE AND PUNCH YOU IN THE LABONZA. AND AROUND YOU WOULD BE LOTS OF KRACKLE. NOT THE CANDY, THE KIRBY KRACKLE. BY THE WAY, THEY DON'T SELL THE HERSHEY'S KRACKLE SEPERATELY ANY MORE. YOU HAVE TO GET IT IN AN ASSORTMENT BAG, AND ONLY IN BITE-SIZE. NOW I FEEL LIKE EATING 17 BITE-SIZED KRACKLES. I'M SURE IF I DO, KIRBY KRACKLES WILL SHOOT OUT OF MY COLON (PUFFED RICE DOES THAT).<br /><br />Wow. Where will the Knicks play now? Oh, that's right. No one cares. Left coast!<br /><br />THAT'S JUST MEAN.<br /><br />I can just hear you now, Michael. TWO MONSTERS FIGHTING!<br /><br />YESH!!! BIG BOOM AND BANG AND SMASH AND CRASH AND EARTH-SHATTERING IMPACT. THE ONLY THING THAT COULD HAVE MADE THE HULK/SENTRY FIGHT BETTER WOULD BE IF THEY WERE MADE OF HERSHEY'S KRACKLE. THEN I WOULD ENJOY THE FIGHT AND DIP THEM IN JIF PEANUT BUTTER (FUCK SKIPPY!!!!) AND EAT THEM.<br /><br />IT'S AMAZING TO ME THAT FOR ALL OF THE MONSTER-FIGHTS I HAVE SEEN (AND PARTICIPATED IN), IT'S NEVER ROTE OR BORING TO ME. I ALWAYS JUST LOVE'EM. NOW I AM THINKING ABOUT THE HULK/ABOMINATION FIGHTY-FIGHT IN THE "INCREDIBLE HULK" MOVIE, WHICH SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN AN OSCAR FOR "BEST MONSTER FIGHT IN HARLEM".<br /><br />Men.<br /><br />LIKE MONSTERS FIGHTING. WOMEN LIKE LAZY SUSANS AND UNICORNS.<br /><br />Ya know, I gotta call poo on Hulk here. Yes, his family died, it's ABC after school special tragic, but he's acting pretty high and mighty for someone who has cause his own share of mayhem and destruction. You gotta own it, Hulk. Then the healing can begin. That'll be $200.<br /><br />BUT YA SEE......HULK HAS NEVER KILLED IN MARVEL CONTINUITY. I KNOW YOU FIND THAT IMPLAUSIBLE, BUT SINCE HIS INCEPTION HE HAS NEVER DELIBERATELY HURT ANYONE (MAYBE AN EXCEPTION OR TWO). THE INNOCENT FUN OF THE HULK IS THAT FOR ALL THE PROPERTY DAMAGE HE PERPETRATES, NO ONE REALLY GETS HURT OR KILLED. THEY MAY HAVE CHANGED THAT IN RECENT YEARS, BUT ALL THROUGH THE 60-90S, THAT WAS THE RULE OF THUMB. YOU JUST HAVE TO GO WITH IT. YA HAVETA! THEY DID A GOOD JOB OF THAT IN THE RECENT MOVIE, WITH THE SHOTS OF PEOPLE RUNNING THE FRIG AWAY OR TAKING COVER WHILE HE SMASHED HELICOPTERS AND SONIC WEAPONS.<br /><br />I'M A BIG FAN OF THIS KIND OF SEMI-CHEAT-Y STORYTELLING. IT'S JUST MORE INNOCENT AND FUN. I WAS NEVER SCARED OF THE HULK AS A KID BECAUSE I KNEW HE WOULD NEVER HURT ME. GENERAL ROSS WOULD HURT ME. EVEN BETTY WAS MORE OF A THREAT (HER BOBBED HAIR ESPECIALLY). HOWARD THE DUCK WOULD HURT ME WITH HIS SARCASM. MAN-THING? HE'D BE NICE.<br /><br /><br />Hee. You tell 'em General Ross.<br /><br />I HAVE A THEORY THAT ROSS IS JEALOUS OF THE MARVEL HEROES. IF HE HAD THAT KIND OF POWER HE'D BE ABUSIN' IT LEFT AND RIGHT AND TAKING OVER SMALL REPUBLICS. HE'S DANGEROUS ENOUGH WITH HIS GUNS AND FULLER-BRUSH-TACHE.<br /><br />I'm undoubtedly in the minority here, but the fight art, it's pretty, but.. eh. I'm just not emotionally involved in the battle with Hulk v Bob. I guess I might be if I'd read more Sentry, but it just feels set-piecey.<br /><br />I'M KIND OF WITH YOU ON THIS. IT DOES NOT RESONATE AS DEEPLY BECAUSE THE SENTRY IS A RELATIVELY NEW CHARACTER, ESPECIALLY TO MARVEL-HEADS. IF IT WAS THOR, NOW THAT WOULD BE COOL (AND MUCH BETTER THAN THAT ANIMATED MOVIE YOU MADE ME SIT THROUGH :)<br /><br />I DID LOVE ALL THE FIERY SOLAR ENERGY ALL OVER THE PLACE. EVERYONE IN NYC LOOKS LIKE GEORGE HAMILTON NOW.<br /><br />What the heck is Doc doing? Tony and Reed are completely bogarting this ish. Can Blackbolt yell at Hulk and Bob and send them flying into outspace or something? Can't Doc do something or at least get some panel time? Hello!!!<br /><br />HEY, DOC HAD HIS DAY IN ISH THREE WHEN HULK DID THE MACARENA ON HIS HANDS. ALL HE COULD DO AT THIS POINT WAS BE A GLORIFIED EXTRA.<br /><br />What happened? How'd they revert?<br /><br />Ohhhh, not cool Miek. Not cool.<br /><br />What a mess. With the killing and then the more killing.<br /><br />Poor Hulk.<br /><br />I completely understand the need to make Hulk smart and play with that, but I miss my Doodle/Savage Hulk something fierce.<br /><br />I THINK - DON'T QUOTE ME - THAT IN THE NEW "HULK" COMIC, HE IS INDEED 70S DUMB-DOODLY AGAIN. I BRIEFLY GLANCED AT AN ISH, BUT WAS TURNED OFF BY MARKETING PLOY. I MEAN, RED HULK. RED HULK SOUNDS LIKE AN ENERGY DRINK. AND THEY STILL HAVE NOT GIVEN US RED'S BACKSTORY, AND I STILL DON'T GIVE A SHIT.<br /><br />I officially have no idea what just happened. I know Hulk gave himself up so Tony could zap him and they've got him "safely" ensconced in a super-duper secret HulkBuster thingy 3 miles under the desert, but... on Sakaar? His spirit lives? Something more? A Primordial Campbell's Soup Hulk?<br /><br />OKAY. WHAT'S ON SAKAAR IS HULK'S SEED. WHEN CIERA WAS ALL BLOWED UP, WHAT WAS IN HER WOMB WAS AS NEAR-INVULNERABLE AS HULK, AND IT SURVIVED. IT WILL GROW INTO SKAAR, SON OF HULK, A NEW SERIES, WHICH IS REALLY FUN, BY THE WAY - "CONAN" MEETS "JOHN CARTER" MEETS "KILLRAVEN" PLUS TEEN-HULK ANGST AND FATHER-ISSUES. RON GARNEY DRAWS IT AND IT LOOK TREMENDOUS.<br /><br />I guess there was no other way to end it, but I feel ripped that the payoff was so abrupt and Illuminati-lite and sans coda. And the lack of Stephen was a total gip. I know, I know. It wasn't World War Stephen, but still...<br /><br />STEPHEN WILL BE SPOTLIGHTED SOON IN "NEW AVENGERS" AND YOU WILL GET YOUR FIX.<br /><br />And Rick? He was skewered. Is he alive? I don't know!<br /><br />RICK SURVIVED BECAUSE HE'S IN THE NEW "HULK" BOOK. RICK WILL NEVER DIE. HE IS THE VOICE OF THE TEEN AUDIENCE AND HAS BEEN PART OF EVERY SIGNIFICANT MARVEL EVENT SINCE 1962. AND HE PLAYS GUITAR.<br /><br />This was a boy's ending. Big fight. Big fight. The end. My Fallopian tubes are not satisfied.<br /><br />MAYBE THEY COULD HAVE ALL GONE TO THE OLIVE GARDEN AND TALKED ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS. THERE'S CLEARLY A HUGE AUDIENCE FOR THAT. OVER BREADSTICKS THE ILLUMINATI COULD EXPLAIN THEMSELVES AND THEN HULK WOULD BE TOUCHED HE'D SHARE HIS PUMPKIN RAVIOLI. THAT'S HOSPITALIANO!!!!<br /><br />I DID LOVE THE MORAL. "They can call you whatever they want...Savior...Destroyer...all that matters...is what YOU choose." I THINK THAT'S BEAUTIFUL, AND POWERFUL, AND EVEN SPIRITUAL, AND IT SHOWS HOW AWESOME HULK IS.Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00826740919353731711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-10737330911565172442009-05-05T21:58:00.000-07:002009-05-05T22:06:16.636-07:00AN ACTUAL WOLVERINE REVIEWS "WOLVERINE"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SgEao-dlfyI/AAAAAAAAAaA/AEJNu58_V40/s1600-h/800px-Gulo_gulo_2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 286px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SgEao-dlfyI/AAAAAAAAAaA/AEJNu58_V40/s400/800px-Gulo_gulo_2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332572725047557922" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Wow, before I introduce myself, I gotta say it: Hugh Jackman has the best hair in show business. Long and lush and almost Farrah-like, yet still masculine. It’s a hard look to pull off, and the only decent precedent that comes to mind is John Travolta in 1986’s “Perfect”. Johnny, meet Hugh’s hair. And don’t let the door hit your bony ass on the way out!<br /><br />Back to me. I’m a wolverine, the largest land-dwelling species of the Mustelidae or weasel family (the Giant Otter is largest overall) in the genus Gulo. I don’t get out to the movies much, as I spend most of my short lifespan avoiding, then attacking, slashing and gutting, Brown Bears, deer, and large reptiles. So a movie? Who has time? But I had to see “Wolverine”. Mostly for legal and copyright reasons. <br /><br />I can happily report that I have no legal grounds upon which to sue Marvel or Fox. And hey, I liked this movie! I’m a male wolverine. That helps, because this movie has more fights and explosions than “Tora! Tora! Tora!” (one of the few other movies I have seen, back in ‘71 when I roamed Alaska and hung out at a drive-in in Gnome. Great place. Probably still there). <br /><br />“Wolverine” is an E-ticket thrill ride and the feel-rage-hit of the summer. It’s about a really handsome, hairy guy with awesome hair who is born with bony claws and has a brother with long fingernails. They both heal quickly and age slowly, and the opening credits are awesome, as we see the brothers fighting in the Civil War, The Spanish-Amercian War, World War 1, WW2, The Korean War, The Vietnam War, The War Of The Roses, The Cola Wars (Pepsi wins), War And Peace, The Milagro Beanfield War, Star Wars, Warren Beatty, and a small skirmish at a knish stand at Coney Island, circa 1957, when The Cyclone was closed because of Joseph McCarthy. Then the brothers have a falling out because Wolverine is all like not as kill-y as his sibling, and you can bet that big bro (Liev Schreiber, son of Avery, I assume) will be back for Plot Point One to kill Wolverine’s girlfriend so Wolverine can look up at a camera way on high and go “NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” That part just killed me because the girl was way hot, and her hair was as shiny and pretty as his.<br /><br />Wolverine swears revenge, conditions with Pantene, and volunteers to become the government’s “Weapon X”, wherein his entire skeleton is laced and encased in indestructible Adamantium, which I believe was discovered and developed by Adam Ant or Atom Ant, I’m not sure which. It’s a great scene and the scary-syringe budget on this movie must have been way high, like “Pearl Harbor”-high, but it’s so worth it when Wolverine pops out of the water tank and slices up lots of extras in lab coats. Botany 500 made a line of pre-tattered lab coats just for this film, I read on Harry Knowle’s website. Harry Knowles is very fat and I am thinking about attacking him and feeding on him throughout the winter. Sorry, but I haven’t killed and eaten in like 3 hours and I am famished.<br /><br />Then Wolverine recruits a bunch of mutants to help him out. One of them is Gambit, who has never, ever shampooed, but apparently possesses the power to shuffle cards explosively. There’s also The Blob, who’s, well, a big Blob, and was supposed to be played by Harry Knowles, or so I read on a message board that points out continuity errors on “Lost”. There’s also a young Cyclops, who at this point does not possess the power to whine, but his eyes are all zappy and cool. Then a bunch of stuff happens and we’re flying, literally, into Act 3, to the villain’s headquarters at Three Mile Island. I was so hoping for a cameo from Jack Lemmon and Jane Fonda until I realized that the filmakers are probably way too young to get a “China Syndrome” reference, and indeed probably think “The China Syndrome” is a buddy-cop-comedy starring Jackie Chan and Jamie Kennedy. <br /><br />Wolverine walks right into the top-secret lab so easily and effortlessly that I was surprised there was no Wal-Mart greeter. Then there’s an awesome spoiler which I won’t spoil, and then a biggedy-big fight with Liev Schreiber and a Scary Mutant who has the powers of the entire supporting cast. Fantastic stuff, with emotional resonance. After Wolverine triumphs, there’s a tragic scene I shall not spoil and a wonderful cameo that I shant ruin as well. The end credits are six hours long, but there is a small scene at the end of them, so stick around, even if you don’t care who CGI’d all the veins in the actors’ muscle-y arms or who catered in New Zealand (Cottage Pie On A Stick and a special thanks to The Lolly Cake Corporation).<br /><br />What a fun movie! It made me forget that I need to feed on mammalian flesh and blood constantly or my plush coat loses its ability to insulate my tiny body from the harsh NorthEastern winter. It was nice talking with you, but please go away now or I will eat you.<br /></span>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-71532513251768763182009-04-15T00:02:00.000-07:002009-04-15T08:32:29.596-07:00WORLD WAR HULK #4: PAINSTAKINGLY PENNED BY PLINY THE ELDER<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SeVskDhYEnI/AAAAAAAAAQc/l1D03CkxJuo/s1600-h/worldwarhulk4.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 265px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SeVskDhYEnI/AAAAAAAAAQc/l1D03CkxJuo/s400/worldwarhulk4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5324781501111865970" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">[A stream of consciousness live-blog]</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">with commentary from MICHAEL<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Hulk's lookin' pretty aquiline on that cover. Hulkus Arilius.<br /><br />I HAD TO LOOK UP "AQUILINE", SO THANK YOU. WHY YES HE DOES! I LOVE ALL THE COVERS TO THESE, ALL THE VARIANTS, TOO. USUALLY THE 8,000 VARIANT COVERS SHTICK IS ANNOYING BUT THESE WERE ALL REALLY FUN COVERS. I BET ALL THE BIGGIES WERE PUSHING HARD FOR A COVER GIG. TO GET TO DRAW THE HULK GOING APESHIT ON THE WHOLE MARVEL U - SO AWESOME. OF ALL THE VERY KIND NODS AND SOPS TO PEEPS LIKE ME WHO WERE RAISED ON AND BY MARVEL IN THE 70S, THE WWHULK MINI IS THE FUNNEREST WINK AND REWARD. WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR HIM TO BE THAT CHARACTER WHO AGAIN EFFECTS THE WHOLE UNIVERSE SIMPLY BY HIS PRESENCE. IN THE 60S AND EARLY 70S EVERY NEW HERO HAD TO EVENTUALLY FIGHT THE HULK OR TRY TO CAPTURE HIM. EVEN SPIDEY FOUGHT HIM WAY BACK IN AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 14. AND I REMEMBER THAT IN A 60S SPIDER-MAN ANNUAL, HE AGAIN FOUGHT THE HULK, AND ACTUALLY STAGGERED HIM WITH A PUNCH! WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT FUCKING SPIDER-MAN? THEY DOWNPLAY HIS PHYSICAL MIGHT TODAY AND IT BUGS. I LOOOOOVE DIGRESSING TONIGHT. IT HEALS ME.<br /><br />The Demon Zom : Six out of seven mystics recommend him.<br /><br />I know it's demanding of me (but hey, I'm a woman!) but I hate it when the artist doesn't give a half a rat's patoot about background faces, even when they're not that far in the background and are important characters like Hulk. I mean, he doesn't even have a nose. He looks like a castoff from Fragglerock.<br /><br />THAT'S INTERESTING. I AM SO USED TO ARTISTS FUDGING BACKGROUNDS THAT I ACTUALLY THINK THAT FOR SOME ARTISTS IT IS A DELIBERATE AESTHETIC CHOICE - BECAUSE IN REAL LIFE, OUR CONSCIOUSNESS ONLY PICKS UP WHAT OUR MOST IMMEDIATE FOCUS IS, ETC. - AND YES I KNOW I AM PROBABLY FULL OF FECES. JACK KIRBY SPASM: KIRBY NEVER EVER FUDGED A BACKGROUND. THEY WERE AS VIVID AND INTRICATE AS THE FORGROUND, JUST ABOUT ALWAYS. IT MADE HIS STUFF LOOK MORE 3-DIMENSIONAL THAN A MORE LITERAL-MINDED ARTIST COULD MANAGE.<br /><br />Doc is scary when he's possessed/chanelling an interdimensional demon, but then who wouldn't be? George Clooney.<br /><br />GEORGE WOULD BOB HIS HEAD BACK AND FORTH SEDUCTIVELY.<br /><br />It's soooooo strange to see Hulk just sitting there, expressionless. I miss my crazy Savage/Doodle Hulk.<br /><br />I KNEW IT WOULD FREAK YOU OUT TO SEE HIM LIKE THIS. AND HE HAS BEEN THIS VERSION FOR A WHILE NOW. THE PATTERN AT PRESENT SEEMS TO BE: EVERY FIVE YEARS THEY GIVE HULK A DIFFERENT PERSONALITY, WHETHER IT BE A THROWBACK ONE OR A NEW ONE. AND THEY ARE ALL EVENTUALLY REVEALED TO BE ASPECTS OF BRUCE'S INNER TRAUMA AND HOW HE REACTS TO IT. ALL THE HULKS ARE GIANT DEFENSE MECHANISMS, AND SOME ARE MORE OVERTLY VULNERABLE AND LOVEABLE THAN OTHERS, BUT THEY ARE ALL ATTEMPTS TO COPE. YES I HAVE A MASTERS IN HULKOLOGY FROM CAIMBRIDGE.<br /><br />Heroim. Sounds Jewish. Are there any other bigtime Jewish Superheroes other than the Thing? There must be. Two thousand years of suffering! I had a potato latke at Canter's yesterday. Seriously.<br /><br />THOSE LATKES ARE FUCKING AWESOME. YOU TOOK ANNE TO CANTERS? THAT'S HILARIOUS. SHE GETS EVEN MORE HUGE POINTS NOW.<br /><br />Stupid monsters. - Strange channels my doodle hulk just without the doodle.<br /><br />Ok, I don't like this icky pointy-handed demon Strange. He would not bring me flowers.<br /><br />BUT BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN THERE IS STILL A PART OF YOU THAT THINKS YOU CAN SAVE HIM.<br /><br />Wow, did he just impale him on his spikey hand thing?!<br /><br />And then he kicked him. Oh boy. This is not good.<br /><br />Collapsing buildings. This is a pet-peeve of mine. I know, I know. You have to just go with it, but I wish there were more civilain collateral damage, and not like Stamford, but like this, building smooshing the little peoples.<br /><br />YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON.<br /><br />AGAIN IT'S WILD TO SEE WHAT BUGS YOU, BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL THE CONVENTIONS THAT YES, YOU JUST HAVE TO GO WITH. BUT THEY DID MAKE IT CLEAR IN EARLIER ISHES THAT THEY WERE EVACUATING NEW YORK, SO THERE'S LESS COLLATERAL TO START WITH. ANYWAY IF THEY DID NOT HAVE THIS CONVENTION COMICS WOULD LOSE THEIR VERY LAST BASTION OF INNOCENCE. YOU WOULD LOOOVE, BY THE WAY, "MIRACLEMAN". THERE IS AN ISH WHERE "KID MIRACLEMAN" CUTS LOOSE ON LONDON AND TALK ABOUT COLLATERAL DAMAGE, IT'S A LITERAL BLOODBATH AND IT'S A FANTASTIC AND HORRIFIC SEQUENCE. PEOPLE'S HEADS ARE UP ON SPIKES, ETC. GOOD TIMES!!!<br /><br />Come on, Doc! Fight for control. You are going to be soooooo sorry you did this.<br /><br />YEAH HE WILL BE AND YES THEY DO ADDRESS THIS IDIOCY IN LATER ISHES OF NEW AVENGERS AND SECRET INVASION. YOU WILL BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT DOC IS A MUCH MORE INTEGRAL PART OF THE MARVEL U NOW, MOSTLY THANKS TO BENDIS. YOU SHOULD SEND HIM A CARD. HE REALLY SEEMS TO DIG ON DOC STRANGE AND HE WRITES HIM VERY WELL, AND BRINGS HIM A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO EARTH, DIALOGUE-WISE.<br /><br />Yay Hulk!<br /><br />Boo Zom!<br /><br />Oh, this is awful. He's murdelizing him.<br /><br />Rick bringing the psychology.<br /><br />Not in the face! Oh, Stephen.<br /><br />It's a good thing this takes place in New York. If it were in LA, no one would be cause they'd be stuck in traffic on the 405, then they'd leave early.<br /><br />Wait, people followed from Sakaar? Like they got on an interstellar star tours, stopped in Pizmo and now they're here?<br /><br />Shirtlessness. I don't know when that happened, but I thank you.<br /><br />Who said "no". I'm having trouble with the bubbles in this ish.<br /><br />Again with the huh and the what? Blackbolt's people declared war on America and beheaded an opera patron?<br /><br />APPARENTLY THEY DID DO SOME BADNESS AND MISTAKES IN THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS OF CONTINUITY. I HAVEN'T READ THEM IN YEARS BUT I HEAR THEIR STUFF IS TERRIFIC. THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART FOR THE INHUMANS BECAUSE MY FIRST ISSUE OF "FANTASTIC FOUR" WAS 131 WITH ALL OF THEM IN IT BEING ALL COOL-LOOKING AND CRYSTAL LOVES ME.<br /><br />Tom Foster's got a good point.<br /><br />Doctor Strange dances with the devil. Puh-lease. Is that all that hippy-freakaloon's got? Stephen is an upstanding if sometimes painfully absent citizen.<br /><br />BUT IMAGINE WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE TO REGULAR PEEPS. AND HE LIVES IN GREENWICH VILLAGE.<br /><br />It's the Watchmen squid or maybe that six-legge done that attack San Fran in that fabulous Faither Demeurge movie!<br /><br />I LOVE the idea of Tony without his armour. Now, if they just ex-extremis him.<br /><br />WOULD LOVE TO SPOIL THIS FOR YOU, BUT YOU WOULD HATE ME. I WONDER WHAT YOU THINK THEY WILL ACTUALLY DO WITH HIM.<br /><br />Why is this thing going for Doc? He's the GOOD ONE.<br /><br />Where'd that giant machete come from? Suddenly they have weapons?<br /><br />It's dead? That was fast.<br /><br />I really love the idea of Hulk's recreating his misadventures for their dining and dancing pleasure.<br /><br />YEAH THE "PLANET HULK" GLADITORIAL FIGHTS WERE WONDERFUL.<br /><br />It's like Bread and Circuses meets Plato's Stepchildren. I wonder if they're going to make Tony and Reed kiss.<br /><br />SERIOUSLY YOU KNOW THEY WANT TO. AT LEAST REED SURE DOES. I HATE HOW EAGER REED IS TO PLEASE TONY. REED IS WAAAAAY SMARTER THAN TONY. SORRY BUT HE IS. I DON'T BUY REED AT ALL IN THE LAST FEW YEARS. HE AIN'T THE REED I KNOW. PERHAPS HE IS.....................A SKRULL?????????!!!!!!<br /><br />Meanwhile, back at the B plot, Sentry is stil standing stoicly and doing bupkis to move this sucker forward.<br /><br />Wow, he can't leave his house. That's sad. Now, get some this guy soem Paxil and let's get er done.<br /><br />I DO LOVE THE WHOLE IDEA OF A NEUROTIC, INEFFECTUAL SUPERMAN WHOSE SCARED TO DEATH OF HIS OWN POWER. TOO COOL. WHEN HE IS USED WELL (AND HE IS, NEXT ISSUE) IT'S POWERFUL STUFF.<br /><br />Time to play God. Why not just be God's plucky sidekick?<br /><br />The unwashed masses stink on ice.<br /><br />I KNOW! NO WONDER HULK HATE PUNY HUMANS.<br /><br />How can Stephen even hold that thing with his hands? And can he do a little magic after all? Or is this Zomishness?<br /><br />HE CAN HOLD IT PAINFULLY. I THINK THAT IS HIS MAGIC. HE'S STILL GOT SOME MOJO.<br /><br />Yes, listen to pinhead. Mercy.<br /><br />Oh, Hulk. Be the better man-monster.<br /><br />Yay Bob!<br /><br />Oh boy! One more ish. Super funsies!!!<br /><br />NEXT ISSUE MADE ME GO INTO MY ROOM AND JACK OFF. WELL IT MAY AS WELL HAVE. BY THE WAY I DO KNOW THAT MARVEL ANIMATION IS DOING "WWHULK" AS A DVD. I HOPE IT'S BETTER THAN THOSE GAY "HULK VS." MOVIES.</div></div>Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00826740919353731711noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-16513862011922532962009-04-09T00:04:00.000-07:002009-04-09T00:20:28.448-07:00WORLD WAR HULK #3: BY THE SEVEN SAULS OF CEDARS-SINAI!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/Sd1MRsuTWHI/AAAAAAAAAQU/VfxzrE9ioqI/s1600-h/world+war+hulk+3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 257px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/Sd1MRsuTWHI/AAAAAAAAAQU/VfxzrE9ioqI/s400/world+war+hulk+3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5322494201568647282" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">[A stream of consciousness live-blog]</span><br />with commentary from MICHAEL<br /></div><br /><br />They're shooting a missile right at his man-parts. I know this war and all, but that's dirty pool.<br /><br />YOU WOULD DO THE SAME. YOU HAVE BEFORE.<br /><br />Why is Storm's name X'd out and everyone else's is just crossed out? I'm just sayin'. And why do people say that? "I'm just sayin'." Of course you're just saying, you just said it.<br /><br />Ross is looking svelte.<br /><br />HE DID THE SAME DIET DAN MARINO DID. HE EATS REAL-MAN FOOD AND LOSES REAL WEIGHT.<br /><br />What ish was the saving the planet from aliens and Hulk gets a statue in Central Park? Gotsta reads it.<br /><br />THAT WAS CIRCA 1983, WHEN HE WAS SMART-BANNERISH HULK AND WAS FORGIVEN, PARDONED, ETC. IT WAS VERY SWEET AND A LONG TIME COMING. HEE. THE HEROES ARE STUPID BECAUSE LOOKEE WHAT HAPPENED.<br /><br />Why does he look more like the Silver Surfer than the Hulk and what are those boxer-briefs he's wearing and I don't think I ever saw him make that pose<br /><br />YEAH WHEN HE WAS BANNERISH HE WORE TIGHTY-WHITEY-PURPLEYS FOR AWHILE. WHY THE HELL NOT? FLAUNT IT.<br /><br />and *sniff* there's Cap in the back ground and dear Stephen who's about to get the rings of raggador wrung outta him.<br /><br />Hee. Hulk throws his own statue at Thor. How did Doc disappear him? That's another ish I've got to reads.<br /><br />YEAH DOC BANISHED HIM TO THE NETHERHINTERLANDS FOR SEVERAL ISSUES WHEN HE BECAME ULTRA-SAVAGE-MINDLESS-HULK. HE WANDERED AROUND FOR QUITE A BIT IN THERE. BEST SAL BUSCEMA ART OF HIS WHOLE RUN ON THOSE ISHES AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING.<br /><br />Betty's dead? What the? Wait. Back up. What the? Oh man. You don't read 40 years worth of comics and you miss a little. *sigh*<br /><br />YES. BETTY DIED FROM RADIATION POISONING. GAMMA RADIATION. COINCIDENCE? NOPES. TOO MUCH EXPOSURE TO BANNER AND HULK. THE ISSUE WHERE SHE DIED WAS PETER DAVID'S LAST, I THINK, AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL AND SOOOOOOOOOOO FRIGGIN' SAD.<br /><br />And who is Ross talking to? Anyone who'll listen?<br /><br />HE'S TALKING TO ALL YOU JOHNNY-COME-LATELYS AND GIVING YOU 40 YEARS OF CONTINUITY.<br /><br />Yikes! Is that adamantium shrapnel ripping through Greenie?<br /><br />YESH. IT STINGS.<br /><br />I guess so. War is hell.<br /><br />SI. I LOVE THAT THEY HAVE ALL THESE CONTINGENCY PLANS TO DEAL WITH HULK THAT THEY WAITED TO WHIP OUT WHEN HE WENT TRULY BATSHIT INSANE. THIS ALL HAPPENED WHEN BUSH WAS PREZ AND I AM SURPRISED THEY DIDN'T KILL HIM.<br /><br />Listen to Rick! He's young and hip and soon to be on the animated Gilmore Girls.<br /><br />YEAH I LIKE HIM IN THIS. THE ONLY VOICE OF REASON ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND. THANKS FOR PLAYING YOUR HARMONICA ON THE GAMMA-BOMB TEST SITE IN YOUR JALOPY, RICK! WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.<br /><br />Oh, I love the Starbuck's banner at Doc's place! My Bendis arc spoiler was right! [<a href="http://www.comixtravaganza.com/2009/03/spoiler-alert-future-doctor-strange-arc.html">See it here!</a>]<br /><br />YES THE SANCTUM IS CLEVERLY-SPELLICIZED AS AN EMPTY SOON-TO-BE-STARBUCKS. WAIT 'TIL YOU SEE IRON MAN AND FRIENDS TRY TO BUST IN IN NEW AVENGERS. HEE, THEY'RE TOOLS.<br /><br />I would not want to be in Hulk's head right now. It'd be worse than living in the Big Brother house.<br /><br />How'd he pick him up?<br /><br />OooOooooOoo.... Doc looking sex-ay! All powerful and supreme. And a little scary. "Snuffing out your mortal life"... dang. Doc. That is not cool. We don't snuff.<br /><br />BUT HE COULD. UNLESS HE DOES WHAT HE DOES BEST, WHICH IS TO SIT OUT THE MOST DRAMATIC EVENTS IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE AND THINK ABOUT COLORFUL RAINBOWS.<br /><br />Show me your true face. - Oh, that is heartbreaking!<br /><br />YEAH IT'S SO COOL THAT EVEN HULK HAS TO ADMIT THAT BANNER IS HIS TRUE SELF AND ANCHOR OF BEING. I'M SO GLAD THEY HAD HIM CHANGE BACK AT LEAST ONCE. THERE WAS A BEAUTIOFUL SCENE IN "PLANET HULK" WHERE HULK WILLINGLY CHANGES BACK INTO BANNER FOR A MOMENT TO SHOW HIS LOVER HIS TRUE SELF. SHE ACCEPTS HIM FULLY AT HIS MOST VULNERABLE. THEN HE CHANGES BACK SO HE CAN DO HER.<br /><br />So, Doc wasn't astrally projecting himself? He was there, just not there? He's so understanding. I love you, Stephen!<br /><br />Oh Dear - is right! Crap! OOOOOWWWWWWIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!<br /><br />Oh man. His hands! That's gotta smart. Oh boy.<br /><br />COOL, HUH? HE WON'T BE MOISTURIZING FOR A WHILE.<br /><br />Okay, so he was astrally projecting, but not. Kinda.<br /><br />His fingers are higgley-piggledy! Oh, Stephen. But, really, it's not like he hasn't been there before. Always the hands.<br /><br />The Night Nurse has got her work cut out for her. How I envy her!<br /><br />Stupid army. Where's SHIELD? Isn't it their turn to screw this up?<br /><br />FWAPP! I love that.<br /><br />Not ding dong likely, you crazy - How can you not love a man who says stuff like that?<br /><br />I LIKE WHEN HE SHOOTS HIM THE FACE. IT'S SO ANNOYING.<br /><br />Ah, Miss Hill. Next!<br /><br />I want a giant Nosering of Healing!<br /><br />What's with Abu Ghraib?<br /><br />Tell it like it is, Prez!<br /><br />THE HULK-RESISTANCE IS IN ITS LAST THROES. AGAIN.<br /><br />Listen to Zippy, Hulk.<br /><br />Shadow Elders? Stoneforce of the Old Power of the Shadow - Help me, I've fallen into The Sword of Shannarah and I can't get up.<br /><br />I LIKE THE MYSTICAL-ALIEN JIBBA-JABBA. MAKES ANYTHING SOUND GOOD. IT HAS A NAME, MUST BE REAL.<br /><br />Listen to Rick! Why won't anyone listen to Rick?<br /><br />'CAUSE THERE'D BE NO MORE MINI AND EVERYONE WOULD GO HOME AND STOP WARRING CIVIL-Y ON EACH OTHER.<br /><br />Obedience disks. On Earth we call those engagement rings.<br /><br />Oh, Doc's hands. I can barely look at them.<br /><br />THEN YOU REALLY DON'T LOVE HIM AT ALL....<br /><br />That he can't do proper magic without his hands makes me nutty and that he can do ANYTHING, but he can't heal his own hands. Sometimes the constraints of necessary internal logic, no matter how illogical, make me want to throw a hissy.<br /><br />YOU'RE NOT HELPING HIM WITH YOUR BITCHING AND MOANING. JUST GRAB SOME ACE BANDAGES AND GET TO WORK.<br /><br />Uh-oh. The box. I don't know what's in the box, but nothing good is ever in boxes in these situations.<br /><br />ZOM! I remember Zom. That sounds like a new sitcom on the WB. I hope Wong's sending a tweet to the Living Tribunal.<br /><br />GOTTA GIVE PROPS TO GREG PAK FOR REMEMBERING ZOM AND BRINGING HIM BACK.<br /><br />Summoning a demon - NEVER good. Never. Has this ever worked for anyone? It's like casting Ted McGinley. Don't do it.<br /><br />MCGINLEY'S WORK ON "HOPE AND FAITH" IS UNDERRATED SO TAKE IT BACK.<br /><br />Although, Ted would be a good Danny. Better than Dean. And Jon-Erik Hexum can play the Sentry. Sweet jabippy was he hot.<br /><br />Rick is one brave so-and-so. If Miek was looming over me, I'd pee.<br /><br />Strange smash.<br /><br />Seriously?<br /><br />Worst. Last line. Ever.<br /><br />BUT SUCH AN ORGASMIC MOMENT FOR US LOVERS OF OLD-SCHOOL CORNY-60S MARVEL.<br /><br />I blame Zom.<br /><br />THE FAULT LIES IN YOURSELF.Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00826740919353731711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-74364679412074929262009-04-08T00:12:00.000-07:002009-04-08T00:12:00.902-07:00WORLD WAR HULK #2: WARRIORS, COME OUT TO PLAY-E-AY!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SdwWokfJt2I/AAAAAAAAAQM/jzpi38Ts8QU/s1600-h/World+War+Hulk+2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 262px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SdwWokfJt2I/AAAAAAAAAQM/jzpi38Ts8QU/s400/World+War+Hulk+2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5322153745889998690" border="0" /></a><br /><div class="im"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">[A stream of consciousness live-blog]</span><br />with commentary from MICHAEL<br /></div><br />Hulk has really big teeth.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />HE GOT CAPS AND WHITENING BACK IN 1997 WHEN HE BECAME "SMART HULK" (AGAIN).<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />She-Hulk's chesticles need their own zip code. Seriously, they're looking bigger than ever. Like "the giant vegetables from that episode of Lost in Space" big.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YES, AND.....?<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />And Reed looks like an angry, stretchy, C Thomas Howell. C. Thomas Howell!</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />HE DOES! MAYBE ROMITA JR. IS A FAN OF "RED DAWN".<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Is that Iron Fist? I always picture Dean Butler as Danny. Is that wrong? <i>Oh, Manly.</i> Don't answer that.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />IF I KNEW WHO DEAN BUTLER WAS, I WOULD ANSWER. OKAY LOOKING HIM UP.....HAH! PRETTY GOOD ON-THE-NOSE-CASTING. I AM GOING NON-CONVENTIONAL AND CASTING PATRICK LABEARTEUX.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />He's being kinda pissy, isn't he? I always read the bolded words in comics with Shatneresque pausing emphasis. I'm sure that's not the plan, but that's what happens. It's always funny and in this case, really snotty. <i>Illusions.</i></div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YES THE BOLDIES ARE FOR SHATNERIZING. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED THEM. THEY ARE A SMALL BUT HUGELY IMPORTANT PART OF THE READING EXPERIENCE, ESPECIALLY AS A KID. THE BOLDIES SORT OF DO SOME OF THE ACTING AND VOICING FOR YOU, IN YOUR HEAD. WHEN YOU'RE READING ANY OF THESE, YOU'RE ALWAYS SIMULTANEOUSLY ACTING THEM OUT - DIFFERENT VOICES FOR DIFFERENT PEOPLE, BUT ALL OF THEM YOUR OWN VOICE. THAT'S THE INNER JOY OF THIS MEDIUM. YOU ARE SUBCONSCIOUSLY ALMOST FORCED TO BE AN ACTUAL PARTICIPANT IN THE STORY AND ACTIONS AND THOUGHTS. A TV SHOW OR A MOVIE HAVE TO GO A LONGER WAY TO ENGAGE ALL OF YOU THE WAY A COMIC DOES. EXCEPT FOR "THE SAN PEDRO BEACH BUMS". THAT SHOW USED ALL OF YOU, ALL OF THE TIME. A LOST CLASSIC AND AN IMPORTANT PART OF STUART PANKIN'S CANNON.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Is that the same Ronin from pre-Civil War? That Maya Conchita Alonzo chicky? If so, she needs to lay off he HGH.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />OKAY, IN "NEW AVENGERS" AT THIS TIME, HAWKEYE BECOMES THE NEW RONIN. MAYA-ECHO-FORMERLY-RONIN IS ECHO AGAIN. YOU'LL SEE HER BAD-ASS AND BEAUTIFUL SELF IN ISH 3 I BELIEVE. SO - HAWKEYE IS NOW RONIN AND ECHO IS ECHO.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Okay, so that's her in the Not Ronin outfit. I'm confused. I need to have a drink with Ian McShane. He's just one of those actors you want to have a drink with. </div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />I EXPLAINED ABOVE. STOP PRESSURING ME.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Wow. Trying to nuke Hulk was bad, but just giving yourself over? I'm worried for you, Stephen! </div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YOU SURE AS SHINOLA SHOULD BE.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Hee. "Children". Ya know, I read that comic "Sleepwalker", the ill-fated Epic comic that was supposedly a set-up for Doc's daughter. She's living in New Orleans and eating crawfish. He's one of the few Marvel characters that I wish had a chitlin. He'd be a great and terrible father. You could never live up to his expectations, but he's a doodle too and can do magic. Imagine the birthday parties.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />"DORMAMMU GOT YOU Wii SORCERER'S EDITION. SAY THANK YOU TO UNCLE DORMAMMU!"<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />He needs a hero.... Footloose flashback.. Bonnie Tyler on the brain now... I wonder who it is? Hmmm. I'm gonna guess that kid Rick whatshisname. Is he still around? He used to listen to him. Is he a hero now? Or is he toast? Or is this some existential thing and the hero is Bruce?</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />RICK IS ALIVE AND WELL AND FOREVER THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON'S IN HULK'S LIFE. THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR BRUCE'S HULKINESS AND HIS BEST FRIEND.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Ah, so he brought the whole family.<br /><br />Who is the Black Knightish dude calling for the Avengers? Ah, it's Ares. I thought he was naughty. No, wait, that's DC. Poor me another, Ian!</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YEAH ARES IS A MEMBER OF MIGHTY-DICKISH-AVENGERS. HE'S A HEAVY-HITTER, IN THOR'S LEAGUE, ALMOST.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Who's the guy with green hair?</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />DOC SAMSON. GAMMA-EMPOWERED PSYCHIATRIST. SERIOUSLY. AN OLD FRIEND OF HULK'S WHO HAS HAD HULK ON THE COUCH OVER THE YEARS.<br /><br /></span> <div class="im">Is that Wonder Man? Did he get a bad die job? He looks totally different. I know, I know... it's Wonder Man, but not the old Wonder Man. It's like the different Darins on Bewitched. It's just plain messed up.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YEAH WONDER MAN HAS BEEN WEARING HIS AWFUL 70S LEISURE-SUIT FOR A WHILE NOW. I MISS HIS COSTUME-COSTUME. HERE HE LOOKS LIKE A YOUNG ALEX CORD CROSSED WITH A PIMP.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Cool. Hulks smashing each other.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />I FEEL BAD FOR JEN. WHAT A FUCKED-UP FAMILY. I HAVE COUSINS LIKE THIS, TOO, BUT THEY HAVE NEVER SMASHED ME INTO THE SEWER SYSTEM.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Avengers attack? Wtf? It's assemble? Is this some Mighty Avengers thing. Have to make it their own? Pfft. Attack? That's not what it's all about. Boogers.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />THEY SAY IT ONCE IN A WHILE. IT'S SEMI-REGULAR. I KNOW, IT'S ANNOYING AND WHY WOULD THEY TELL YOU WHAT THEY WERE ABOUT TO DO? RI RON'T ROW.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Hee. Korg's the Zippy the Pinhead meets the Thing.<br /></div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />YES. I LOVE HIS NAME. GREAT ALIEN-NAME.<br /><br /></span> <div class="im">Crikey, the Richards are disfunctional. </div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />WITHOUT SUE REED WOULD BARELY BE A HUMAN BEING. HE WOULD JUST CRYSTALIZE INTO A SILICON CHIP.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />I love it when the Thing and Hulk fight. It feels almost fair and I'm not worried about boo-boos. </div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YEAH AND I WOULD HAVE FELT SOOOOOOOOOOO RIPPED-OFF IF THEY DIDN'T DO THE CLASSIC THING-HULK FIGHT. THIS ONE MADE ME NERVOUS, BECAUSE I KNEW HULK WOULD WHOMP HIM. I LOVE THE THING LIKE<br />I LOVE MY UNCLES AND I HATE SEEING HIM HURT. HE HAS ACTUALLY BEATEN THE HULK ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASSION. ALWAYS MADE ME SO HAPPY. BUT I GET WHY THEY HAD TO DO THIS. HULK OUT OF CONTROL.<br />NOT YOUR MOMMA'S HULK. BLABBEDY-BLAH.<br /><br />I THINK JOHN ROMITA JR. DRAWS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS. MY ORDER OF GREATNESS: KIRBY, RICH BUCKLER, JOHN AND SAL BUSCEMA, AND ROMITA JR. HE'S NOT EASY TO DRAW I WOULD BET. NOT THE ROCKS, EITHER.<br />HE HAS TO LOOK IMPOSING AND SOME ARTISTS MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE TEDDY RUXPIN.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />But that had to hurt! My brother boxed my ears once. He also gave me indian burns, horse bites and smacked me with orange matchbox track. My brother was a meanie.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />NAH, JUST A BOY WHO WANTED TO KILL HIS SISTER AND TAKE HER PLACE IN SOME TRAGIC GREEK PSYCHODRAMA.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Why pretend to be the Sentry?</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />OKAY - YOU KNOW THE SENTRY IS A RETCON CHARACTER WHO WAS ONE OF THE FIRST HEROES, ETC. WELL - SOME RECENT STORIES HAVE TOLD US THAT THE SENTRY WAS A GENUINE FRIEND OF THE SAVAGE 60S-70S HULK AND WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD CALM HIM DOWN. HULK LITERALLY WOULD JUST GET CALM AROUND HIM AND CALL HIM "GOLDEN MAN". TO HULK HE WAS A VISION, OR AN ANGEL, OR A GIANT PLATE OF BUFFALO WINGS. SO THE FF WAS TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT RELATIONSHIP. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE FOR.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Oh, Stretch got it, but good. Hulk's making easy work of all of them and I'm only on ish 2... hmmm..... </div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE FELT FOR REED IN LIKE THREE YEARS. NOBODY DESERVES THAT.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Rick Jones! I kiss myself.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YEP AND I LIKE HIS RECENT DAVID-CASSIDY-ISH LOOK. POINT HIM IN THE DIRECTION OF ALBUQUERQUE.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />*sniff* Cap's dead. He woulda found a way to help the Hulk. Gimme another, Ian.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YEAH THAT'S A GREAT MOMENT. EVEN HULK IS WIGGED OUT. THAT'S HOW AWESOME CAP IS AND WILL BE AGAIN WHEN NEW-BUCKY-CAP STOPS SELLING.<br /></span> <div class="im"> <i><br />I wish you'd been here before. You may go nuts, but nine times out of ten, you seem to hit who ever needs hitting and those guys sure needed it. </i>Wordy McWord!</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YEP THAT'S MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WHOLE MINI. IT'S QUINTESSENTIALLY WHAT THE HULK IS AND WHY HE'S A HERO, NOT A MONSTER.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br /><i>Get out of my head!</i> - That takes me back to all those fabu early Defenders where "Stupid Magician!" would summon Hulk. *sigh* Good times.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YEAH IT'S NOT SO CUTE ANYMORE TO HEAR DOC IN YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU'RE FEELING BETRAYED BY HIM.<br /></span><br />Hercules has a team?<span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />YES. AT THIS POINT "THE INCREDIBLE HULK" IS ABOUT TO BECOME "THE INCREDIBLE HERCULES" AND HERC WORKS WITH NAMORITA (SIGH) AND ANGEL AND AMADEUS CHO. THEY'RE LIKE THE NEW CHAMPIONS. DON'T SCOFF. I MISS THE CHAMPIONS AND ISH 1 IN 1975 IS ONE OF THE BEST COVERS OF ANY COMIC. JUST PURE AND BEAUTIFUL.<br /></span> <div class="im"><br />Hehehehe! General Ross and his four star mustache! Awesome.</div> <span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />OOOO THE ROSS STUFF IS AWESOME. YOU WILL KVELL, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE SUMMARIZES HIS WHOLE RELATIONSHIP WITH HULK IN THE FIRST TWO PAGES OF ISH 3. HE'S BADDER THAN SAM ELLIOT AND WILLIAM HURT BOTH. "THANKSCH FER THE BEER, <u>MIHO</u>!!!" (BAD IMPRESSION OF SAM ELLIOT FROM "ROADHOUSE")<br /></span><br />Phew! That was fun!<span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />I TOLD YA YOU HAD TO READ IT. IT'S OLD-SCHOOL MARVEL MAYHEM. THIS KIND OF STUFF USED TO HAPPEN ON A MONTHLY BASIS AND WAS NEVER BILLED AS AN "EVENT". <u>EVERYTHING</u> WAS AN EVENT AT MARVEL. THE HUMAN FLY WAS AN EVENT. THE MICRONAUTS WERE AN EVENT. ROM, SPACEKNIGHT WAS AN EVENT. NIGHT NURSE WAS AN EVENT.<br /><br />CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO DOC STRANGE</span>.Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00826740919353731711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-55630345296609741872009-04-07T00:13:00.000-07:002009-04-07T00:16:10.351-07:00WORLD WAR HULK #1: WHAT ROUGH BEAST...SLOUCHES TOWARDS MANHATTAN<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SdrD1sDjOiI/AAAAAAAAAQE/HPhHGM0ZNU4/s1600-h/World_War_Hulk_1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 262px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SdrD1sDjOiI/AAAAAAAAAQE/HPhHGM0ZNU4/s400/World_War_Hulk_1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321781236818197026" border="0" /></a>[A stream of consciousness live-blog]<br />with an assist from MICHAEL<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;" class="im">Okay, so I didn't read Planet Hulk, but I know he was on this planet and stuff happened and there was violence and heartbreak and more violence.. you know, Hulk stuff.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> PLANET HULK SUMMARY: HULK GETS HOODWINKED INTO A SPACESHIP AND SENT AWAY BY REED RICHARDS, DR. STRANGE, AND IRON MAN.</span><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> THE THREE MOST DANGEROUSLY UNSTABLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, BASICALLY. GOOD CALL!</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> HULK GOES ALL OFF-COURSE AND INTO A WORMHOLE AND LANDS ON PLANET SKANK, WHERE HE IS FIRST A SLAVE, THEN HE'S RUSSEL</span><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> CROWE/MAXIMUS, HE EVEN FALLS FOR A GRAY BALD ALIEN LADY AND IMPREGNATES HER ("HULK SMASH PUNY UTERUS!"), THEN THE SHIP HE CAME IN BLOWS UP AND KILLS HIS WIFE AND LIL' BABY AND LOTS OF EXTRAS.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> HULK BLAME ILLUMINATI JERK-WADS SO HULK HEAD BACK TO EARTH TO SMASH EVERYTHING FOREVER.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />He's got that escaped from the sanitarium haircut I so loathe, some stylish gladiator accoutrements and the fight-the-power fist of repressed rebellion goin' on. Cool.<br /><br />The Savage Planet of Sakaar. Why do alien races use to many vowels? We could seriously kick their ass at Scrabble.<br /><br />Stabbed him, burned him and ate his very flesh - apparently he was on Celebrity Apprentice. Come on. Admit it. You watch it. Who could pass up a chance to see Joan and Melissa Rivers every week?<br /><br />Oh boy. The Illuminati's gonna be sorry. Hulk doesn't need oxygen? </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">HIS LUNGS CAN GO FOR HOURS IN DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERES AND PRESSURES. UNTIL IT'S CONVENIENT FOR THEM NOT TO.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Girded. Hee.<br /><br />Frankly, I hope he makes a mess of the Inhumans' moon base. They need to be knocked down a peg or six. I got yer mists right here!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> I KNOW YOU HATE THEM AND THINK THEY'RE ARROGANT, BUT MEDUSA SHOULD BE SPARED, BECAUSE OF HER HOT 70S-PURPLE</span><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> FANTASTIC FOUR OUTFIT.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />See, I like Blackbolt and his pouty sensuous mouth, but I'm rootin' for Hulk here.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> GOOD CALL.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />The only thing I remember from my high school science classes is that Pluto is the smallest planet in the solar system. Wait a minute! But I have seen a lot of movies and I thought there was no sound in space. Because, in space, no one can hear you scream, right? So, how how come Blackbolt's scream is working, sorta?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE NO STORY IF IT DIDN'T. AND THE MOON HAST TECHNO-CREATED ATMOSPHERE JUST FOR THEM I'D WAGER.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />LOL, they just turn their backs and walk away. I don't think so.<br /><br />Wow, this smart hulk is going to take some getting used to. He's projecting and expositioning. I miss my doodle hulk.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> YES YOUR DOODLE-70S-DEFENDERS-DUMB-HULK IS LOOOOONG GONE BY THIS STORY. SERIOUSLY, LIKE 25 YEARS</span><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> GONE. SINCE THE 70S HE'S BEEN SMART, THEN SAVAGE, THEN SCHMAVAGE, THEN BRILLIANT, THEN GREY, THEN PISSY-VEGAS-</span><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">MOBSTERY, THEN SAVAGE, THEN JESSICA SAVITCH, THEN SMART AND PISSED AGAIN.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Ah, he was a gladiator. Boy, he'd be sumptin'.Although, I gotta say, my money'd be on Oliver Reed. Okay, maybe not. Off to the Elysian Fields with me which, btw, is a much nicer place than Elysian Park. Go Dodgers!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> FINALLY, THIS BLOG WILL GET AN INFLUX OF REGULAR READERS, THANKS TO YOUR OLIVER REED REFERENCE.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Ah, some backstory... I feel like I'm suddenly in a Karl Edward Wagner novel. Hulk is Kane. Hey, did Frank Frazetta ever do a painting of Hulk? That would be coolsies.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> HE MAY HAVE. IN THE 70S EVERYBODY DID ACID AND HULK PAINTINGS.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />It's actually pretty nice of him to give New York 24 hours. Now if it had been New Jersey...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> NEW JERSEY WOULD NEVER LET HIM IN WITHOUT AN EZ-PASS.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Blackbolt does not look well. He's kind of melting.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> HIS KISSER IS ALL SCHMOOSHED AND SCHMASHED.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Here's hoping that Tony also gets a fistfull of hello from Hulky. I'm still so pissed at him. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> I BLAME EXTREMIS.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Yay, Doc. Please don't hurt Doc. Even though I'm still pissed at him too... I'm fasting in the Artic. Blahblahmystephenwouldneverdot<wbr>hatcakes.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> CAN'T WAIT 'TIL YOU SEE HIS CONFRONTATION WITH DOC. IT'S TERRIFIC AND CONTINUITY-DRIVEN.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Hey, there's an idea. Try to solve a problem and not ignore it.<br /><br />His comrades? Doc has comrades who might be arrested. Clearly I've missed something. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> YES. AT THIS POINT DOC IS OFFICIALLY A NEW AVENGER. HIS LINE-UP/COMRADES: IRON FIST, BLACK COSTUME SPIDEY, LUKE, SPIDER-WOMAN, RONIN/HAWKEYE. YOU WILL MEET THEM SOON IN N.A. AND LOVE THEM. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Ah, Deus Ex whatever they need him to be - Sentry.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> YES. BUT HE'S USED WELL HERE, TRUST ME. AND IT GIVES ROMITA JR. A GREAT EXCUSE TO REALLY GO TO TOWN LATER ON.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />"A word please." - I wonder what that's all about. Private talks with Tony these days never lead to anything good.<br /><br />Spiderman's got a new outfit. For why? Too many costume changes. Give me the red and blue, please. He looks like venom in this getup. That's right, I said, getup.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> HE'S "BACK IN BLACK" FOR THE THEN-CURRENT STORYLINE. DON'T WORY ABOUT IT, HE'S STILL THE SAME SCHTICKSTER. JUST IN BLACK</span><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> TO EXPLOIT "SPIDER-MAN 3" AND THE MID-80'S.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />She-Hulk. Pfft. Green-skinned Ann Coulter wanna-be. Be gone! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> SHE'S AWESOME AND YOUR WORDS CANNOT HURT HER. ANN COULTER, I MEAN. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Our telepaths will locate you... J. Zeus, that's creepy.<br /><br />An orderly evacuation of all of New York? It takes me an hour to get out of the parking lot at Gelsons.<br /><br />They should cover the ground with puppies and kittens.<br /><br />I hate this. In the old days, which for me was about 2 months ago, I would have cheered Tony's speech. I would have found it heroic and now it just sounds like bad PR spin. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> I DO THINK HE MEANS IT, THOUGH. HE IS ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY AT LEAST. IT'S SOMETHING.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />How did he inject Hulk? That must be one hell of a needle. I guess a vibranium needle might do it. Ok, forget what I said.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> YES, VIBRANIUM OR ADAMANTIUM WOULD GET THROUGH. YES, I AM A FAKE-METALLURGIST.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Wow. Tony.<br /><br />Ah, so his planet hulk wife died in a susplosion. The one he blames the Illuminati for. I get it. And, I would have thought they would never ever do that, but I've no doubt that was Tony's (and sadly Reed's too) plan all along.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> YOU'LL SEE. IT'S FUNNY THAT YOU HATE THEM SO MUCH AT THIS POINT THAT YOU THINK THEY WOULD PLAN SUCH A HORRIBLE THING. IT SAYS</span><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> A LOT ABOUT WHAT A HORRIFIC AND HATEFUL HUMAN BEING YOU HAVE BECOME. WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIGN ON WITH TONY AND HUNT</span><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> DOWN YOUR FRIENDS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT....BETTER YET, JUST A BUST A CAP INTO STEVE ROGERS. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="im"> </div></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="im"> Cool. So much for Stark Tower. What are the Avengers (or is there even an official Avengers any more?) going to do? They should just rent a Winnebago from Lyle Waggoner like Shazam did.</div></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> AT THIS POINT THERE ARE NEW AVENGERS AND MIGHTY AVENGERS. SUMMARY: THE NEW AVENGERS ARE AWESOMELY COOL, AND THE MIGHTY AVENGERS ARE DICKS. TWO GREAT BOOKS.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;" class="im"><br />Well, that plan worked well.<br /><br />It will be good to see Hulk smash Tony for a few issues. But, I'm eskeered for Doc.<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">YOU SHOULD BE!</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />S'all for now!</div></div>Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00826740919353731711noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-48223048191015393412009-04-04T08:17:00.000-07:002009-04-04T08:57:54.803-07:00DEAR GOD, WHAT WAS I THINKING ABOUT THE BRONZE AGE? MY HEART HURTS, PART DEUX - FF #132 - OKAY NOW I'M DONE WITH THIS TITLE<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdeDc74BsKI/AAAAAAAAAZw/N5vf0THLsRk/s1600-h/screenshot_04.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 269px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdeDc74BsKI/AAAAAAAAAZw/N5vf0THLsRk/s400/screenshot_04.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320866017893789858" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdeDc4ka1RI/AAAAAAAAAZo/UeBQpnG55yo/s1600-h/screenshot_05.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdeDc4ka1RI/AAAAAAAAAZo/UeBQpnG55yo/s400/screenshot_05.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320866017006245138" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The last two pages of Fantastic Four #132 are the most devastating, heart-shredding, and just plain sad in all of history in any medium.<br /><br />It sure felt like that at the time. <br /><br />Crystal (Inhuman Elemental Adorable Innocent Hippie-ish Hottie) has been dating The Human Torch for about seven years' worth of comics at this point. She even replaced Sue for a while and looked much cuter in her FF-variant costume. Johnny loves her and we love her and their love and our love will never die and the Beatles will never break up and flowers are the new money and Crystal is adorable.<br /><br />Only we found out last issue that Crystal is dating Quicksilver. Quicksilver! Snotty Speedster and son of Magneto. She rescued him from a recent "Avengers" issue and they hooked up. It all happened so fast. Johnny, Schmonny. Johnny does not take it well and flames on like he's never flamed before. <br /><br />Crystal makes her choice on these last two pages, and it's very well-written. She has her reasons and is nothing less than totally honest with Johnny. Johnny is shockingly mature about it, but we KNOW he's dying inside. The art conveys this beautifully. So does my own dying inside.<br /><br />Then she walks away, and it really felt like we would never see her again, and never get to see how great John Buscema draws girls.<br /><br />Ooooo the walking away was hard enough. Leave me alone. I want a Charleston Chew and a Grape Nehi, stat. But it gets worse!<br /><br />The Thing knows Johnny is utterly crushed, and for once in his life, does not bust on him. He just casually asks him if he wants to see "The Godfather" when they get back to New York. That's the kind of small but HUGE moment that makes Marvel the bestest. At the time "The Godfather" was a REAL sensation in the REAL world and even my 9-year-old self was aware of it. And so were Ben and Johnny! They must be real, too. I knew it! I'll keep this to myself, but I knew I was right.<br /><br />And then, Johnny says sure, why not, let's go, but his back is turned on Ben, and he's crying. He's fucking crying! He's not just a cocky fireball-hurling thinking-man's Bobby Sherman. He's got a big fat heart in there and it just sus-ploded into thirty-quintillion fiery shards. <br /><br />NOBODY at DC cried. Not even the chicks. <br /><br />This is the kind of scene and kind of issue that explains why there are Marvel-people and why there are DC-people. Today both companies put out emotionally-drenched stuff, but back then only Marvel was doing stuff like this. It kept you coming back and actually caring about what was going to happen to these people.<br /><br /></span>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-48698840075092078142009-04-03T19:59:00.000-07:002009-04-03T20:12:07.147-07:00BRONZE-AGE MARVEL IS EVEN BETTER THAN THE REAL BRONZE AGE PART ONE: "FANTASTIC FOUR" #132<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdbOaiCU8zI/AAAAAAAAAZg/4ef9Y9aJpuo/s1600-h/screenshot_03.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 195px; height: 392px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdbOaiCU8zI/AAAAAAAAAZg/4ef9Y9aJpuo/s400/screenshot_03.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320666964993307442" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdbOavR18II/AAAAAAAAAZY/rbJMqQkXevQ/s1600-h/screenshot_02.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 263px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdbOavR18II/AAAAAAAAAZY/rbJMqQkXevQ/s400/screenshot_02.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320666968548044930" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdbOaQm-BwI/AAAAAAAAAZQ/Zwfahf2ChC8/s1600-h/screenshot_01.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdbOaQm-BwI/AAAAAAAAAZQ/Zwfahf2ChC8/s400/screenshot_01.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320666960315156226" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Back in 1973, way before the days of decompressed storytelling and trade editions, A COLOSSAL AMOUNT OF SHIT HAPPENED IN EACH AND EVERY ISSUE OF A COMIC BOOK. Especially a Marvel book. Every friggin' time you spent twenty cents (or your Grandfather did for you) you'd get 20 jillion dollars worth of entertainment, ever-y time. This is why comics were so very much cooler than TV or movies. A TV show might make you laugh for 23 minutes, maybe, if it's early, funny MASH or "The 2000 Year-Old Man" special or "When Things Were Rotten". A movie might creep you out for an hour or two if it's "Willard". But a Marvel comic would arrest and demand all of your senses and emotions simultaneously and then take them all for a psychedelic flume ride and leave you in a puddle of cerebral-solar-plexial-goo. Combine that with a sugary cereal and Timothy Leary can have his experiments, I'm just fine here on the floor, thank you.<br /><br />I am sure I read FF 132 at least twenty times the week I got it when I was 9. It was so intense, in fact way too intense, for a little boy, which is all the more reason to dive in. It has people on fire and a giant and huge fights and a whole lot of preaching about equality and beautiful art and it's full of incredibly messed-up people, even the heroes, who are depressed, enraged, sarcastic, fearful, brave and insane. My family was like this! I could relate. It was like the comic was feeling my unexpressed and unarticulated feelings for me. Every character was so friggin' PASSIONATE about, well, whatever they were passionate about. <br /><br />And don't even get me started on Medusa. A gorgeous redhead in a purple bathing suit? Um, yes, please, and keep them coming. I feel warm and funny and I LIKEY.<br /><br />The Human Torch gets a new costume in this one, and I was as happy as he looks in that panel. Damn that's a cool variant. It only lasted 'til FF 159 but they should bring it back. <br /><br />I need a moment before Part 2 because it's making me all sad and knotted-up to even have to go there again....<br /></span>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-26588205732730574762009-04-03T19:27:00.000-07:002009-04-03T19:55:27.520-07:00TALES OF THE WATCHER<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SdbF3SkuFQI/AAAAAAAAAP8/xVlDPl_3IJs/s1600-h/tales+of+the+watcher.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 370px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SdbF3SkuFQI/AAAAAAAAAP8/xVlDPl_3IJs/s400/tales+of+the+watcher.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320657563454149890" border="0" /></a>In the next exciting issue: Uatu watches...something.<br /></div>Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00826740919353731711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-39176176250688616682009-04-03T18:53:00.000-07:002009-04-03T19:03:02.094-07:00"NUTRITION BY NATALIE" ENDS MY 40-YEAR AFFAIR WITH LUCKY CHARMS, YET TEACHES ME HOW TO LOVE<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6u_z3KTI_Qo&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6u_z3KTI_Qo&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Not only am I like all into nutrition more than I ever was, but I especially am all into a really cute girl telling me about it. "Nutrition By Natalie" is a bunch of videos on YouTube that have a lot of good and easily-digestible info about health and whatnot, and Natalie is really cute. I will eat better now, but only for her.<br /><br />Lucky Charms rule and were once worshipped by the secret Altantean priestcraft, but - gasp - they are essentially candy and as good for you as Abilify has been for Hank Pym. Now, I always knew this, even as a kid, but now, Natalie has told me, so it's really true. Natalie Natalie Natalie. Say it loud and there's music playing. Say it soft and it's almost like praying.</span>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-76721400472317962612009-04-02T09:50:00.001-07:002009-04-02T09:53:49.716-07:00DUDE, AWESOME KEGGER!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SdTs6kicD1I/AAAAAAAAAP0/D7IcINLtPsY/s1600-h/G20+summit.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 247px; height: 148px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_gGIA_oRfahc/SdTs6kicD1I/AAAAAAAAAP0/D7IcINLtPsY/s400/G20+summit.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320137550816087890" border="0" /></a>Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00826740919353731711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-21944326425704565712009-04-01T18:59:00.001-07:002009-04-01T19:08:29.428-07:00WORST NEW PRODUCT NAME<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdQcJxmYqVI/AAAAAAAAAZI/KmuMUEqwN9c/s1600-h/ray_nutrish.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 236px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdQcJxmYqVI/AAAAAAAAAZI/KmuMUEqwN9c/s400/ray_nutrish.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319908014090135890" /></a>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-81560524491425255152009-03-31T20:29:00.000-07:002009-03-31T21:20:20.777-07:00LETTER I WROTE TO NIGHTSHADE WHEN I WAS IN THIRD GRADE<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdLq4ReDQEI/AAAAAAAAAZA/lKC5tn5aLA0/s1600-h/screenshot_01.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdLq4ReDQEI/AAAAAAAAAZA/lKC5tn5aLA0/s400/screenshot_01.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319572362360995906" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdLq4a-HdPI/AAAAAAAAAY4/ImX0Bd3CfrU/s1600-h/screenshot_02.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 143px; height: 346px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdLq4a-HdPI/AAAAAAAAAY4/ImX0Bd3CfrU/s400/screenshot_02.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319572364911408370" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdLq4eGFjdI/AAAAAAAAAYw/ZpY5iS5ElxA/s1600-h/screenshot_03.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 244px; height: 248px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdLq4eGFjdI/AAAAAAAAAYw/ZpY5iS5ElxA/s400/screenshot_03.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319572365750144466" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdLq4a6aE6I/AAAAAAAAAYo/_Cm0i6Ct9u8/s1600-h/screenshot_04.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 222px; height: 287px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdLq4a6aE6I/AAAAAAAAAYo/_Cm0i6Ct9u8/s400/screenshot_04.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319572364895851426" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-weight:bold;">Deer Nightshade,<br /><br />You are sooooo pretty. I can see your belly button. I like your hair, too.<br /><br />Even tho you tried to kill Captin America and you turned Falcon into a werewolf, I still think you are great. I can see your thighs. Do you like Good Humor Ice Cream? I love the Chocolate Fudge Cake Bar. You know the one with the candy bar in the middle and you have to eat all the ice cream and crumblies around it to get to it? That one. It's soooo good. If you came over my house and the Good Humor truck came by, I would buy you one. They are 35 cents. They used to be only 25 cents but there is an oil crisis and my Dad is always yelling at Prezident Nicksman when he's on TV.<br /><br />How come your boots go up so high? Are you cold? I have a fringe jacket my Dad got me at Sears. You can have it if you want it. It might not fit you but you could cover your chest and that way not get so many colds. But now I am thinking about you covering it and it makes me feel sad. I don't know why but it does.<br /><br />If we got married you would always be happy because I would always be nice to you and I get really good grades so someday I will be rich and probably a pirate or a ghost or <br />I will make Bic Banana magic markers. I would make the purple ones purpler.<br /><br />I heart U 4ever, as much as Gwen,<br />Michael<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span></span>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-5845556633716977582009-03-31T08:36:00.000-07:002009-03-31T08:59:17.169-07:00YODEL-AY-HEE-HOOOOOOOOOOOO<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdI7tP_-vmI/AAAAAAAAAYg/eF7NdHhK_Fs/s1600-h/41KAE4K6CML.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 198px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdI7tP_-vmI/AAAAAAAAAYg/eF7NdHhK_Fs/s400/41KAE4K6CML.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319379758453014114" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdI7tPZMBXI/AAAAAAAAAYY/VD-ijwMyt-A/s1600-h/blinx_2_swiss.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 261px; height: 361px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdI7tPZMBXI/AAAAAAAAAYY/VD-ijwMyt-A/s400/blinx_2_swiss.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319379758290306418" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The upcoming "Spider-Man" musical, directed by Julie "Lion King" Taymor and with songs by U2, was semi-previewed this week and here's some news:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"Ishioka’s costumes were breathtaking — a rogues gallery of the villains that appear onstage in the musical received audible gasps from the audience, including the Green Goblin, Lizard, Kraven, Swarm, and a new female villain created at the behest of Taymor, Swiss Miss (dressed in immaculate white dominatrix gear and multiple knives)."</span><br /><br />Now, I get why Swarm might be in this show. After all, there is a HUGE untapped audience of fans of obscure villains from "The Champions". But "Swiss Miss" just puts the parafin-wax on my homemade fudge. I mean, hells yes, The Swiss Miss girl is hot, and anyone who wouldn't want to tap that is just crazy. She is truly the ALMOST-ultimate male fantasy: a porn-y blonde who speaks broken English, bearing chocolate. But I just don't see how she is gonna fit into the rogue's gallery, unless it is later revealed that she is really Gwen Stacy, who went mad after ingesting too many tiny marshmallows. That would be cool because it wouldn't be Mary Jane.<br /></span>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-65185378794696110822009-03-30T12:35:00.000-07:002009-03-30T13:21:41.391-07:00MEME, YOU FUNNY LITTLE GOOD FOR NOTHING, MEME~P~ of <a href="http://sanctumsanctorumcomix.blogspot.com/">Sanctum Sanctorum Comix</a> showed the darker side of his nature in tagging moi for a meme. There's a special place for meme taggers and I'll see you there, ~P~!<br /><br />As requested, here are the rules...<br /><br />The Rules<br />1) Link to the person who tagged you.<br />2) Post the rules on your blog.<br />3) Write six random things about yourself.<br />4) Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.<br />5) Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.<br />6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up.<br /><br />And now, six random things about me...<br /><ol><li>I auditioned for the role of Mallory on TV's <span style="font-style: italic;">Family Ties</span>. Needless to say, I didn't get it. Damn you, Justine Bateman!<br /></li><li>I can watch three NFL games in one day without breaking a sweat.<br /></li><li>I've seen every movie Bob Hope ever made. Even <span style="font-style: italic;">Call me Bwana</span>.</li><li>The scariest thing I've ever done is ride a giant Ferris wheel run by an ex-con named Spyder at a tiny town fair in Maine.<br /></li><li>When I was five I wore cowboy boots with everything including my PJs.<br /></li><li>I just started reading comics last year, which should explain why I don't know doodle about them.</li></ol>Now, since I'm new to the Blogosphere, I don't know any fellow bloggers who haven't already been tagged, so I can't name the next victims. However, if there are any lurkers out there who would like to take up the meme mantel, please do! And show yourselves sometime. :-)Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00826740919353731711noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8588982959326218201.post-44534956360362365452009-03-30T11:11:00.001-07:002009-03-30T13:25:29.336-07:00COVER TO NOT SO MUCH JIZZ OVER - WONDER WOMAN #212 (1975)<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdELgZaZJSI/AAAAAAAAAYA/6CPJkyTu7As/s1600-h/WW2121975.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 274px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_B-WnfMLJmLg/SdELgZaZJSI/AAAAAAAAAYA/6CPJkyTu7As/s400/WW2121975.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5319045286106572066" /></a><br /><strong>Hi! I'm a DC cover from the same era as Marvel's "Team-Up" #40, and I am colosally fucking boring and why don't you just shoot me in the head and get it over with.<br /><br />I believe that what is going on here is that Wonder Woman is not experiencing a shorter, lighter period (there was no YAZ back then and women had to just drink a lot of Rum And Tab), and the mightiest heroes ever are trying to cheer her up, but they know they will get their heads chopped off if they try. "Hey, Diana, you w-wanna, I don't know, go fight some crime?" "FUCK YOU!!!" "Okay, raincheck."</strong>Michaelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03061302767720511694noreply@blogger.com0