Saturday, March 28, 2009


Bow down before the altar of Our Pal Sal Buscema.


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

Props to Rosey Grier, who, btw, I was lucky enough to meet and spend some time talking to. He was like living sunshine. Truly of the completely awesome.


Deep breath.

Here I go...

Pfft. Avengers are good guys! They were anyway. To me.. *sniff*... they still are.

Yay, Cap!

Boo, Iron Man!

As long as SHIELD's on the other side, we have a chance. You'd think they had Captain Parmenter at the helm. I take that back. He was nice. SHIELD is all of the poopy. And Ken Berry is too simply fabulous to have anything to do with them. Is there anything he couldn't do?

Hee, go Spidey! Yikes Lady Long Fingers is creepy!

Hehe, Cloak's real name is Tyrone! Tyrone always makes me think of that great running Laugh-In sketch with Arte Johnson and Ruth Buzzy on the park bench. Would you like to play spin the bottle? *whack*

Oooo, that's coolsies. Cloak dropping everyone out of the sky.

No civilian casualties, eh Tony? I hope there's an upcoming ish where he's fighting someone and a bus full of blind girl scouts on their way to donate bone marrow for the handicapped explodes because of something he does.

Of course, they've got the baddies ganging up on Cap. I hope you're happy, Tony! This is the world you want to fashion? Fashion? Hee.

YAY! Namor and the, I still don't know why they're blue, Atlanteans! Go you fishies!

Go, Vizh! I love you even if you aren't you or are mostly you or maybe even just a little you, but I loved the old you, well, not the old, old you, cause that wasn't you, but the you from before this you is the you I love!

I so want Herc to destroy CloneThor. Seriously. Not even a biocircuit left.

Who's the gray skull guy - serious 80s flashback - He-Man! Master of the Universe! Maybe that's Skeletor on loan from Mattel. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me...

Ok, Stretch gets points for the flying "Nooooo!" leap and taking one for Sue, but he's still on my list.

At least it (he?) has the good sense to wet his pants.

What did she do to him?

Thou art no Thor! - Thank you, Lloyd Bentsen!

Yay, he punched him so hard his circuits popped. I hope that's the last I see of him. What am I thinking? This is Marvel. And, Tony has that idiotic Initiative to cram down everyone's throat. What better crammer than CloneThor?

Oh boy. I can see it coming. Cap's winning. Tony's got almost no defense. Is Cap going to ease off and that's what... I can't even say it.

Huh? Who are those guys? Regular Joes who are sick of seeing their lives turned upside down and their city destroyed? How dare they!

Ohmygod. Cap is crying. Note to all the men out there. This is one of those sexy cries. Not one of those, my man is such a wuss cries. Punisher cried about his lost family. That's ok. That's healthy and can be wicked sexy. Cap crying because this is as disastrous as CBS trying to broadcast professional sports is okay too. It's not too Alan Alda, but it's sensitive. It's just dipping it's manly toe into the waters of sensitive. Of course, a man like Cap - well, he's all MAN. But I know some of you wonder what the hell we wimmins want. You might wonder if we don't want you to be crybabies how the jicama can we find so-and-so crying hot and beautiful. Well, all I can tells ya is... I knows when its when I sees it. We all do. We wimmins is just like that. Feel free to submit your crying stories and I'll tell you if it was sexy or not. :p

And, we're back...

I LOVE the idea of The Moment, but the pacing didn't work for me. Cap's realization transition was too abrupt. Just another few panels and maybe a line or two... Maybe I just haven't read enough comics and I'm still disgruntled by the abruptocity of some?

For the record, Reed's crying about the cockup he's made of his life is a good thing, but better heard about than seen. I'm just puttin' that out there.

What in the holy hell is Miss Clairol doing in that panel? I hate her with the passion of a thousand fiery suns.

And WonderMan? He's the Fabio of the Marvel Universe. I can't believe it's not better. Hee. Get it? Better? Butter? Ughghghgh.

As an aside, thank TPTB for that stuff. My duodenum will probably petrify at some point and mysteriously be discovered in Damascus by the Naked Archeologist, but for now, it makes feel like I'm one of those women profiled in Self Magazine. Forrest Yoga is my salvation!

Ok, I take back what I said about Reed. He didn't learn nuttin'. How can someone so smart be so dumb? Sure, Bernie. I'd love to invest my life savings in your ponzi scheme. He seemed to be coming around or circling around coming around - why did they just drop that? Damn potential arc droppers!

A small band remain underground - Luke Cage, of course. He da man. And Doc? Now you've decided to play? I'm pissed. You may buy my love with a chocolate croissant or a snikerdoodle cupcake from Yummy Cupcake (Galactus' fave!) and we'll talk.

Is Spidey all in black now?

Oh, Cap. *sniff* I just want to bundle him.

If you ever questioned Time magazine's choices for man of the year... behold - Hank Pym - wrecker of lives and hitter of wives... and what the hell is T'Challa doing shaking his hand? The hell???

Oh, Sue. :( Take the kids and leave him! For reals.

Director of SHIELD. Perfect, Mein Furher.

Hee... okay, he gets points for asking Miss Hill to fetch him some coffee.

Wonderful. They have 57 more craptastic ideas.

Smug, sanctimonious bastard...

And scene.

Click here to dig on some Rosie from Free To Be... You and Me.

Friday, March 27, 2009


Summer 1973. Captain America just accidentally got himself some super-strength after a fight with the Viper, and Cap's partner, the Falcon, the coolest guy in comics, ever, even cooler than Luke Cage, did not. But that doesn't mean that Falcon is to be trifled with. Especially when it comes to the lllllllaye-ed-ayz.

Leila Taylor is the mod, hep mama he has his eye on. She has a huge afro and dresses like she beat up Pam Grier and stole her drawers. I love her SO. MUCH.

But Leila no likey that Falcon is hardly ever around, what with him protecting humanity from all the super-threats posed to it. So she flits around other guys, like Rafe Michel, a low-level thug and street hustler, whose Afro is not as big as Leila's, but whose facial hair and sunglasses suggest a thinking man's Dick Roundtree.

So Falcon is all like, I'm sick of being alone, and so he swoops down into the streets of Harlem and takes back his woman. And this is BEFORE he had wings with which to swoop. He used to get around town with a very cool hawk-y grappling-hook-rope thingie, way before Batman stole and adapated it for his 90s Animated Series.

I still have this comic at home in Newark. That scene is burned into my brain, and for years I actually thought that this was how real men conducted themselves in regards to women. Maybe they did, once. Sure makes for a cooler scene this way. No one would want to see Falcon and Rafe engaging in passive-aggressive verbal digs and agreeing to disagree and then Rafe buys Falcon a Lazy Susan.

It all comes to a head in the next issue, which has, hands down, THE best fight scene ever in a comic, ever, because Sal Buscema is a friggin' demigod and his art, then and now, pops and radiates with energy and clarity. Sal is a WAY underappreciated force in modern comics storytelling, but his influence is everywhere.


I don't know whether I should be thrilled or terrified or maybe a little of both. All three of these guys scare me a little. But then, the Stooges scared me too.


I dreamt that I was a small, unidentified Polenysianish child carried across the ramshackle remains of an old bridge over a fresh lava flow on the back of Burgess Meredith as he used a handily felled and stripped bamboo tree as a tightrope walker's pole as Paul Newman and my unidentified Polenysianish brother looked on in concern.

Ends up it wasn't a fever dream, but the equally deadly, When Time Ran Out.


In 1978, Gerald Ford was walking into walls, "Fly Robin Fly" was still the only song on AM radio, and CBS made a couple of "Captain America" TV-movies in the hopes of turning into a series.

That's Reb Brown ("Yor, Hunter From The Future" to jog your memories. What? You don't remember "Yor"? I got nuthin' else) under the helmet. His dacron-blend costume was played by a young Heather Menzies, and that's Herve Villechaize bewteen his legs, ringing a bell.

Thursday, March 26, 2009



Hey, get off my ass. This hot chick said you MAY have. Dimplomatic immunity!

YAZ is a little pill that basically promises its ingestor superpowers.

In truth, it's a birth control pill. You'd never know that from the initial commercial, where this cutie-patootie Sex And The City-ish girl does lots of happy kicks at what looks like an empty bar in Georgetown. I guess she's so happy and kicky because with YAZ "you MAY experience shorter, lighter periods." No promises. You also may spontaneously combust. Who the fuck knows? I'm not a scientist.

I guess that ad was unclear, though, because when Saucy "Nipples" McTavish here comes back in another ad to ACTUALLY SAY THAT THE PREVIOUS COMMERCIAL MAAAY HAVE BEEN UNCLEAR, there must already be a class-action lawsuit ("All Women Ever Vs. Yaz") gurgling and festering throughout the Western Hemisphere that makes Big Tobacco crap their Depends with relief and girlish laughter.

Actual potential side effects of reading this blog entry (and of YAZ, from their site) include: upper respiratory infection, headache, breast pain, vaginal moniliasis, leukorrhea, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, vaginitis, abdominal pain, flu syndrome, dysmenorrhea, moniliasis, allergic reaction, urinary tract infection, accidental injury, cystitis, tooth disorder, sore throat, infection, fever, surgery, sinusitis, back pain, emotional lability, migraine, suspicious Papanicolaou smear, dyspepsia, rhinitis, acne, gastroenteritis, bronchitis, pharyngitis, skin disorder, intermenstrual bleeding, decreased libido, weight gain, pain, depression, increased cough, dizziness, menstrual disorder, pain in extremity, pelvic pain, and asthenia.

I don't ever want to know what "vaginal monilasis" is.

This blog entry may have been unclear. Or maybe it opened your Third Eye Chakra and you are free to leave the Third Dimension at will. Like I said, I am not a fucking scientist.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Yesh it's for real. From Earth One!

Apparently "Superman" co-creator Joe Schuster moonlighted for years as an erotic/fetish artist, and many of his scenarios involved a woman who looks EXACTLY like Lois Lane and a man who lookee just likee Superman/Clark.

How motherfucking cool is that? I love knowing this even more than the pictures themselves. I flipped through the book and yes I saw boobies but no va-jay-jays and no I did not look long and hard enough to see if there were any weiners in there.

Best of all, the book's intro is written by Stan The Man Lee. I did not read it but I can guess:

"Hail, effendis! Welcome to the groin'-throbbinest, hard-nipplest, most spank-tastic naughty artwork in the history of the medium! It hearkens humble moi back to 1940, when I first created the Marvel Universe on a box of ribbon candy and tucked it away 'til its day had come. Although I merely co-created the real universe, and Joe Schuster, and figs, and also stem cells, I give my heroic guarantee that the following pages overflow with zazztastic drawingramas stuffed to the gills with hootie-patootie-sakabootie and Make Mine Marvel and in the time it took to write this I self-created a pocket universe that I will now vacation in. Excelsior!!!!!"



Miriam Birchwood will be signing copies of her new book, Reaping the Whirlwind: The André Gerard Story this Saturday at the Fox Hills Mall Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf.

"It's the story of a promise never fulfilled," said Birchwood. "A wind that just... pooped out."

Although not very well-known in America, The Cyclone (Gerard's nom-de-crime) was a brief, but shining star in France. But, even the French have their limits. "After the 'Fan Fiasco' of '75, he was never the same. Those were dark, windless days."

Birchwood, best known for her work as the gossip columnist for the New York newspaper The Daily Bugle, found herself "irresistibly blown" to tell the story of Gerard, a former NATO engineer who turned to a gusty, if shortlived, life of crime. "It's so tragic," laments Birchwood. "A pathos only the French and Aaron Spelling can truly understand."

Look for Birchwood's next "super bio" this fall - Xemnu: The Child Inside.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Okay, that never happened and was never planned to happen, ever. Pietro could not support a film vehicle. The speed-stuff would look great, what with the computers and the tech and the sounds and the whizzing, but the truth is only a young Joseph Cotten could have ever played him, as he is the only film star with the chops and the hairline. I think Werner Fassbinder would agree with me, and that's more than good enough for me.

However, 1986's Kevin Bacon-starrer, "QUICKSILVER", is about a hep, doesn't-bike-by-the-rules bicycle messenger named Jack Casey (thank you, Commodore-Vic-20 character-name-generator) who, well, rides fast around New York messengering stuff, and then there's a romance and some conflict and a big finish. On bicycles. I think Kevin Bacon triumphs in the end at something and discovers he is more than just a messenger. Maybe he discovers he has a message of his own. We all do. Mine is to always bring a windbreaker with you, even if it's warm, 'cause you never really know and it's always cooler at night.

I actually saw this movie when it came out in 1986. I was straight and sober so I remember none of it, but I do dilly-efinitely remember the veeerrrryyyy-hot-in-a-chipmunky-way Whitney Kershaw, who played the girl who liked Kevin Bacon. Seeing her in bicycle shorts kept me in personal-pleasuring mental material for years, until I moved onto whoever played the girl in "Hot Pursuit" with John Cusack. And Whitney's character's name, I remember it because it is the BEST name in any movie ever: Rand. Her name is Rand. How could you not fall in love with a girl in bicycle shorts named Rand? I dare you not to, next time you see one. Seriously, you will fall hard, harder than you thought and more than you want. It will be the relationship that destroys your heart until you stitch it back together with prayer, time, and your cat's companionship. And even when you find your real life-partner, memories of Rand will haunt you at the oddest times, and you will smile, but your smile will be crying a little.


Reliable sources have confirmed that Timothy Geither will soon be replaced as Treasury Secretary by industrialist Gregory Gideon. The Administration feels that Gideon's past as a ruthless, plutomaniacal bully will help him in dealing with the AIGs of the world. "He speaks their language" said a source who asked to remain anonymous. Rumors that the Eternity Machine will be nominated as Deputy Secretary are as yet unsubstantiated.


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

Hill and Pym - double-grrrrr.

Mormon heroes in Utah? Mustn't make joke about about magic underwear.

Spaceknights heading for Chicago? Are they stopping the in the 1980s on the way?

How rich is it that Crazy Hank is saying the public deserves heroes they can count on. Don't other heroes deserve heroes they can count on?

I'm going to POP! Reed gets immunity for Sue and Johnny? How hypocritical can these guys get?

Ah, the Punisher. Just watched his movie. That was one ginormous violent trope in a box. I love Ray and don't know doodle about the Punisher, but it felt like an R-rated Dick Tracy. Is that how it's supposed to be? Kind of goofy? The Jigsaw stuff was silly, like Danny Devito as the Penguin silly.

I guess if you like a character intro that has: a broken back, a beheading, a broken neck, and another, a knife to the brain, compound fracture to the arm, stabbed, another knife to the brain, slit throat, 3 shot in the chest, spinning machine gun fire and a dozen dead, chair leg in the eye socket/brain, bullet in the chest, another in the chest, bullet to the brain, 2 more in the chest, double shot to the brain, then this movie is for you.

I guess shooting people in the head is his thing, huh?

God, I love Namor. Nobody does the indolent king slouch better.

Man oh manschewitz, I wish Cap were making a deal with Stephen. *sniff* From your pouty lips to God's ears, Subby!

He is day-amn sexy.

Goldbug? Plunderer?

Wow. Punisher just... kills. Wow.

Boy, he's brutal, but he gets big points for not fighting back against Cap.

YAY! Doctor Strange. Please, please, please end your exile and come back and talk some sense into these maroons!

No food? Come back and I'll take you to Denny's. It's on me.

Ok, I HATE these sorts of rationalizations. Doc acts like he isn't a human being, like he's of a different nature than the rest of humanity and super-humanity? Be above it and not influence it? Bull with the shit. You influence it with every step you've ever taken on earth, with every bad guy you've ever fought, with every friend you've ever made. And now? Now, when they need you, you can't get involved? I call magical BS on this entire thing. Monique has spoken!

A true master would be able to have his powers and not use all of them. Cap doesn't hit as hard as he can, Doc can and should be able to do the same. Or at least try. The not trying is KILLING ME.

Moving on because this really toasts my muffin!

Thank God the portal to the Negative Zone has a big 42 in it. Wouldn't want to step in the wrong giant portal and end up in 26 or heaven forfend, 12. They're animals in 12.

Boy, Sue's invisibility power is handy dandy! I would sneak into Laker games.

Oh, crap.

Stupid Tigra. Take your blackberry and don't darken my door again!

Hulking? Again with the oy on that.

Cool. Free the prisoners! Attica! Attica!

Crap, crap, crap, crap. I hate this. I hate that this is going to happen. I hate that Tony and Reed don't see the abomination they've created. Who wants a Pyrrhic victory? Just looking at who is on what side... how could anyone want to fight on the same side as Tony and Reed's horde of the damned.

Damn. Have I mentioned how much I hate this?

Man. I'm dreading reading the next one. Nothing good can possibly come of it. And Stephen's navel gazing while his friends - his friends! - are going to kill each other.


I need a drink.

Monday, March 23, 2009


Josh Radnor.

Star of TV's "How I Met Your Mother", his name and face must have been implanted via nanochip and 'bot into my pons medulla. Because on the rare occassions when I see and hear him when I am channel-flipping, a tsunami of rage and confusion siezes my solar plexus and I am imminently susceptible to my darkest, most primal impulses. If whomever was standing next to me at the time tells me to fly to Cuba and whack Castro, we'd all be smoking the best cigars right now.

It could just simply be that I am annoyed that TV seems to always look for the blandest, most innoffensive. most pussy-like leading men who may as well have vulvas, and that whenever I think TV has found The One Who Could Not Be Blander (see whomever was the lead on "Dharma And Greg"), TV goes me one blander and pussier. It is a genuine talent, like finding truffles or being Head Floutist for The Boston Pops.

However, I choose to believe there is a vast conspiracy behind my seemingly irrational emotions in regards to Josh. He has never done anything to me. I must have been kidnapped by Masons and pumped with drugs the public has never had access to, and programmed to do their bidding via the Josh Button.

Also, the slightly sticky-uppie hair ("I care about how cool I look but I really don't but I do. Really I don't (do). Do!") makes my shpincter do the Macarayna.


Lloyd Bochner IS Doctor Strange.

My memory is not always reliable, but he was all over television in the 70s, and was the lead singer for Bochner Turner Overdrive.


(Tuesday March 24, 2009) Ruby Tuesday, a US-based restaurant chain, has signed a new marketing agreement with Marvel Super-Villain, Ruby Thursday. The promotion - Tuesday Through Thursday - aimed at expanding the franchise's clientele will include half price apps and bottomless basket chili-cheese fries. Doctors will be on site.

The promotion is the first of many Ruby Tuesday plans to cater to the Super-Villain crowd. "They don't even have to be super. Money's money, right?" said Eli Justice, Ruby Tuesday's CFO.

In line with the deal, Ruby Thursday plans to cut the ribbon at the opening of the new Ruby Tuesday in Branson, Missouri this, wait for it, Thursday.

Mark Ivor, president of Global PartnerShips, who directs Ruby Tuesday's franchise marketing initiatives around the world, said: "We are extremely proud to welcome Ruby Thursday to the Ruby Tuesday family. This sort of synergy doesn't come along often. Miss Rubinstein is a breath of fresh air. She's got a great head on her shoulders."


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

Punisher is doing bad things. Hey, did his movie even come out in the theaters? Me love Ray Stevenson long time. Oh, Titus... Rome, damn that show was violent, but I miss it.

Okay, opensies...

Sue does not look well. I hope Johnny's given Reed the finger too.

Stupid SHIELD. Seriously, they make me crazazy. So disrespectful. You catch these clowns yet? We're talking half the FF here! Clowns? Oh, I'd like to give that Tom Skerritt circa Top Gun wannabe a kick in the brass.

Nighthawk, I'm still cranked at you for what you said in the alley a few issues ago. We never forget! Who the heck is Stature? Stature? Seriously?

Tony's late. Maybe he fell and hit his head and came to his frakkin' senses.

Oh, no senses coming to.

You tell him Petey!

Btw, if I were one of the heroes who was gonna be carted off to the negative zone, I'd register. I'd get all my friends to register. I'd convince all of the heroes who were in the NZ to register. I'd do everything Tony wanted and then I'd form an army and kick Tony Stark's ass.

Ooo, Tony has the Marvel Crazy Eyes.

I am sooooooooooooo relieved Peter saw the light and is gettin' out, or at least tryin' to.

I'm beginning to think SHIELD is messing things up on purpose. I mean no one is that Barney Fifey all the time.

I still CANNOT believe they are going to use these baddies to hunt down supers.

Spidey better take off that new suit. I'm sure it's bugged, tracked and god knows what else.

I wish some of these Spidey Sewer fight panels were bigger. I needs my bombast.

Wow, a Gwendy reference. I wonder what's up with that. *sniff* Stupid MJ.

Pumpkin pie!

Was that a sword or some kind of ray thingy?

Yikes. Skull face guy is Donatella Versace scary.

Mr. & Mrs. Landau. Couldn't find brother and sister identies? Come on. It is creepy. Now, if it were Pietro and Wanda... I miss crazy Wanda and her shifty brother. God, I love how naive and wonderful the Avengers were when they joined. Pietro put on his best ski sweater and wrote them a letter. A letter! And Thor wasn't a clone, and Cap was slightly crazy wtih his Zemo/Bucky obsession, Hawkeye shot off arrows and his big mouth, but you could count on him, Hank was only a little crazy, Jan wasn't used to being abused, and Tony was a hero. Dang, I miss those Avengers. I know they were goofy, but they were earnest and they loved each other and I loved them. They would never pull this crap on each other. Sometimes making characters three dimensional sucks.

Poor Cap. He's still in tatters... Love and hope and sex and dreams...Are still surviving on the street...Look at me, Im in tatters!

Hulking. I will never get used to that.

Titus Pullo saved Spidey, who also looks not so of the good. Man, this Civil War stuff is brutal.

What a strange panel with Cap screaming for the medic chicks.

Linda? Is that the Night Nurse? I'm gonna have to reread The Oath. God, I loved that. Was one of my first Doctor Strange stories. I'd read a few early Defenders and Michael recommended the Oath... ten kinds of fabulous. *sigh* I think I'll bring Doc a scone this time and surprise him.

Ultra Girl? Oy. It's official, they've run out of names.

Oh, Tigra is texting or tweeting or doing something blackberry bad. Ah, she's calling Tony.

...Big final battle planned with all those lunatic thunderbolts. - Yeah, that's gonna go off without a hitch. Come on, Reed. Rub those braincells together. Write an algorithm to calculate how incredibly stupid that plan really is.

I've got to believe DD was caught on purpose and is going in to break out the supes! Maybe the guards are part of Cap's team. They've got to make a move soon!

Oh, burn. Good one, DD!

Tony's Initiative scares me even more than all this build up. It sounds so organized. *shiver*

That's it for this ish!

Sunday, March 22, 2009


Heeee lookey. This is what is left of the Spider-Man colorforms set I had as a kid. You will note that there are THREE, counts'em, three, pairs of yellow slacks for the Generic Robber. Yes they were called slacks back then. And shirts were called torso-mittens.

I love the backdrop. It looks like any street corner in any big city, after four tabs of acid. That's Spidey slapped on there from the exact position I left him in back in '74. The Girl is unidentified but I like to think she is Gwen. I have mentally pasted a headband and go-go boots on her.

The box is cool, huh? That particular Spidey image was slapped on everything from Tricky Trapezes to condoms back then.

I wish I had all the colorforms for this set, and I also wish I had encased it in concrete, because I would get like seventy-seven thousand dollars for it on Ebay from someone who calls himself sexywebslinger217.