Thursday, April 9, 2009

WORLD WAR HULK #3: BY THE SEVEN SAULS OF CEDARS-SINAI!!!


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]
with commentary from MICHAEL


They're shooting a missile right at his man-parts. I know this war and all, but that's dirty pool.

YOU WOULD DO THE SAME. YOU HAVE BEFORE.

Why is Storm's name X'd out and everyone else's is just crossed out? I'm just sayin'. And why do people say that? "I'm just sayin'." Of course you're just saying, you just said it.

Ross is looking svelte.

HE DID THE SAME DIET DAN MARINO DID. HE EATS REAL-MAN FOOD AND LOSES REAL WEIGHT.

What ish was the saving the planet from aliens and Hulk gets a statue in Central Park? Gotsta reads it.

THAT WAS CIRCA 1983, WHEN HE WAS SMART-BANNERISH HULK AND WAS FORGIVEN, PARDONED, ETC. IT WAS VERY SWEET AND A LONG TIME COMING. HEE. THE HEROES ARE STUPID BECAUSE LOOKEE WHAT HAPPENED.

Why does he look more like the Silver Surfer than the Hulk and what are those boxer-briefs he's wearing and I don't think I ever saw him make that pose

YEAH WHEN HE WAS BANNERISH HE WORE TIGHTY-WHITEY-PURPLEYS FOR AWHILE. WHY THE HELL NOT? FLAUNT IT.

and *sniff* there's Cap in the back ground and dear Stephen who's about to get the rings of raggador wrung outta him.

Hee. Hulk throws his own statue at Thor. How did Doc disappear him? That's another ish I've got to reads.

YEAH DOC BANISHED HIM TO THE NETHERHINTERLANDS FOR SEVERAL ISSUES WHEN HE BECAME ULTRA-SAVAGE-MINDLESS-HULK. HE WANDERED AROUND FOR QUITE A BIT IN THERE. BEST SAL BUSCEMA ART OF HIS WHOLE RUN ON THOSE ISHES AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING.

Betty's dead? What the? Wait. Back up. What the? Oh man. You don't read 40 years worth of comics and you miss a little. *sigh*

YES. BETTY DIED FROM RADIATION POISONING. GAMMA RADIATION. COINCIDENCE? NOPES. TOO MUCH EXPOSURE TO BANNER AND HULK. THE ISSUE WHERE SHE DIED WAS PETER DAVID'S LAST, I THINK, AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL AND SOOOOOOOOOOO FRIGGIN' SAD.

And who is Ross talking to? Anyone who'll listen?

HE'S TALKING TO ALL YOU JOHNNY-COME-LATELYS AND GIVING YOU 40 YEARS OF CONTINUITY.

Yikes! Is that adamantium shrapnel ripping through Greenie?

YESH. IT STINGS.

I guess so. War is hell.

SI. I LOVE THAT THEY HAVE ALL THESE CONTINGENCY PLANS TO DEAL WITH HULK THAT THEY WAITED TO WHIP OUT WHEN HE WENT TRULY BATSHIT INSANE. THIS ALL HAPPENED WHEN BUSH WAS PREZ AND I AM SURPRISED THEY DIDN'T KILL HIM.

Listen to Rick! He's young and hip and soon to be on the animated Gilmore Girls.

YEAH I LIKE HIM IN THIS. THE ONLY VOICE OF REASON ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND. THANKS FOR PLAYING YOUR HARMONICA ON THE GAMMA-BOMB TEST SITE IN YOUR JALOPY, RICK! WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.

Oh, I love the Starbuck's banner at Doc's place! My Bendis arc spoiler was right! [See it here!]

YES THE SANCTUM IS CLEVERLY-SPELLICIZED AS AN EMPTY SOON-TO-BE-STARBUCKS. WAIT 'TIL YOU SEE IRON MAN AND FRIENDS TRY TO BUST IN IN NEW AVENGERS. HEE, THEY'RE TOOLS.

I would not want to be in Hulk's head right now. It'd be worse than living in the Big Brother house.

How'd he pick him up?

OooOooooOoo.... Doc looking sex-ay! All powerful and supreme. And a little scary. "Snuffing out your mortal life"... dang. Doc. That is not cool. We don't snuff.

BUT HE COULD. UNLESS HE DOES WHAT HE DOES BEST, WHICH IS TO SIT OUT THE MOST DRAMATIC EVENTS IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE AND THINK ABOUT COLORFUL RAINBOWS.

Show me your true face. - Oh, that is heartbreaking!

YEAH IT'S SO COOL THAT EVEN HULK HAS TO ADMIT THAT BANNER IS HIS TRUE SELF AND ANCHOR OF BEING. I'M SO GLAD THEY HAD HIM CHANGE BACK AT LEAST ONCE. THERE WAS A BEAUTIOFUL SCENE IN "PLANET HULK" WHERE HULK WILLINGLY CHANGES BACK INTO BANNER FOR A MOMENT TO SHOW HIS LOVER HIS TRUE SELF. SHE ACCEPTS HIM FULLY AT HIS MOST VULNERABLE. THEN HE CHANGES BACK SO HE CAN DO HER.

So, Doc wasn't astrally projecting himself? He was there, just not there? He's so understanding. I love you, Stephen!

Oh Dear - is right! Crap! OOOOOWWWWWWIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!

Oh man. His hands! That's gotta smart. Oh boy.

COOL, HUH? HE WON'T BE MOISTURIZING FOR A WHILE.

Okay, so he was astrally projecting, but not. Kinda.

His fingers are higgley-piggledy! Oh, Stephen. But, really, it's not like he hasn't been there before. Always the hands.

The Night Nurse has got her work cut out for her. How I envy her!

Stupid army. Where's SHIELD? Isn't it their turn to screw this up?

FWAPP! I love that.

Not ding dong likely, you crazy - How can you not love a man who says stuff like that?

I LIKE WHEN HE SHOOTS HIM THE FACE. IT'S SO ANNOYING.

Ah, Miss Hill. Next!

I want a giant Nosering of Healing!

What's with Abu Ghraib?

Tell it like it is, Prez!

THE HULK-RESISTANCE IS IN ITS LAST THROES. AGAIN.

Listen to Zippy, Hulk.

Shadow Elders? Stoneforce of the Old Power of the Shadow - Help me, I've fallen into The Sword of Shannarah and I can't get up.

I LIKE THE MYSTICAL-ALIEN JIBBA-JABBA. MAKES ANYTHING SOUND GOOD. IT HAS A NAME, MUST BE REAL.

Listen to Rick! Why won't anyone listen to Rick?

'CAUSE THERE'D BE NO MORE MINI AND EVERYONE WOULD GO HOME AND STOP WARRING CIVIL-Y ON EACH OTHER.

Obedience disks. On Earth we call those engagement rings.

Oh, Doc's hands. I can barely look at them.

THEN YOU REALLY DON'T LOVE HIM AT ALL....

That he can't do proper magic without his hands makes me nutty and that he can do ANYTHING, but he can't heal his own hands. Sometimes the constraints of necessary internal logic, no matter how illogical, make me want to throw a hissy.

YOU'RE NOT HELPING HIM WITH YOUR BITCHING AND MOANING. JUST GRAB SOME ACE BANDAGES AND GET TO WORK.

Uh-oh. The box. I don't know what's in the box, but nothing good is ever in boxes in these situations.

ZOM! I remember Zom. That sounds like a new sitcom on the WB. I hope Wong's sending a tweet to the Living Tribunal.

GOTTA GIVE PROPS TO GREG PAK FOR REMEMBERING ZOM AND BRINGING HIM BACK.

Summoning a demon - NEVER good. Never. Has this ever worked for anyone? It's like casting Ted McGinley. Don't do it.

MCGINLEY'S WORK ON "HOPE AND FAITH" IS UNDERRATED SO TAKE IT BACK.

Although, Ted would be a good Danny. Better than Dean. And Jon-Erik Hexum can play the Sentry. Sweet jabippy was he hot.

Rick is one brave so-and-so. If Miek was looming over me, I'd pee.

Strange smash.

Seriously?

Worst. Last line. Ever.

BUT SUCH AN ORGASMIC MOMENT FOR US LOVERS OF OLD-SCHOOL CORNY-60S MARVEL.

I blame Zom.

THE FAULT LIES IN YOURSELF.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

WORLD WAR HULK #2: WARRIORS, COME OUT TO PLAY-E-AY!!!


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]
with commentary from MICHAEL

Hulk has really big teeth.


HE GOT CAPS AND WHITENING BACK IN 1997 WHEN HE BECAME "SMART HULK" (AGAIN).

She-Hulk's chesticles need their own zip code. Seriously, they're looking bigger than ever. Like "the giant vegetables from that episode of Lost in Space" big.


YES, AND.....?

And Reed looks like an angry, stretchy, C Thomas Howell. C. Thomas Howell!


HE DOES! MAYBE ROMITA JR. IS A FAN OF "RED DAWN".

Is that Iron Fist? I always picture Dean Butler as Danny. Is that wrong? Oh, Manly. Don't answer that.


IF I KNEW WHO DEAN BUTLER WAS, I WOULD ANSWER. OKAY LOOKING HIM UP.....HAH! PRETTY GOOD ON-THE-NOSE-CASTING. I AM GOING NON-CONVENTIONAL AND CASTING PATRICK LABEARTEUX.

He's being kinda pissy, isn't he? I always read the bolded words in comics with Shatneresque pausing emphasis. I'm sure that's not the plan, but that's what happens. It's always funny and in this case, really snotty. Illusions.


YES THE BOLDIES ARE FOR SHATNERIZING. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED THEM. THEY ARE A SMALL BUT HUGELY IMPORTANT PART OF THE READING EXPERIENCE, ESPECIALLY AS A KID. THE BOLDIES SORT OF DO SOME OF THE ACTING AND VOICING FOR YOU, IN YOUR HEAD. WHEN YOU'RE READING ANY OF THESE, YOU'RE ALWAYS SIMULTANEOUSLY ACTING THEM OUT - DIFFERENT VOICES FOR DIFFERENT PEOPLE, BUT ALL OF THEM YOUR OWN VOICE. THAT'S THE INNER JOY OF THIS MEDIUM. YOU ARE SUBCONSCIOUSLY ALMOST FORCED TO BE AN ACTUAL PARTICIPANT IN THE STORY AND ACTIONS AND THOUGHTS. A TV SHOW OR A MOVIE HAVE TO GO A LONGER WAY TO ENGAGE ALL OF YOU THE WAY A COMIC DOES. EXCEPT FOR "THE SAN PEDRO BEACH BUMS". THAT SHOW USED ALL OF YOU, ALL OF THE TIME. A LOST CLASSIC AND AN IMPORTANT PART OF STUART PANKIN'S CANNON.

Is that the same Ronin from pre-Civil War? That Maya Conchita Alonzo chicky? If so, she needs to lay off he HGH.


OKAY, IN "NEW AVENGERS" AT THIS TIME, HAWKEYE BECOMES THE NEW RONIN. MAYA-ECHO-FORMERLY-RONIN IS ECHO AGAIN. YOU'LL SEE HER BAD-ASS AND BEAUTIFUL SELF IN ISH 3 I BELIEVE. SO - HAWKEYE IS NOW RONIN AND ECHO IS ECHO.

Okay, so that's her in the Not Ronin outfit. I'm confused. I need to have a drink with Ian McShane. He's just one of those actors you want to have a drink with.


I EXPLAINED ABOVE. STOP PRESSURING ME.

Wow. Trying to nuke Hulk was bad, but just giving yourself over? I'm worried for you, Stephen!


YOU SURE AS SHINOLA SHOULD BE.

Hee. "Children". Ya know, I read that comic "Sleepwalker", the ill-fated Epic comic that was supposedly a set-up for Doc's daughter. She's living in New Orleans and eating crawfish. He's one of the few Marvel characters that I wish had a chitlin. He'd be a great and terrible father. You could never live up to his expectations, but he's a doodle too and can do magic. Imagine the birthday parties.


"DORMAMMU GOT YOU Wii SORCERER'S EDITION. SAY THANK YOU TO UNCLE DORMAMMU!"

He needs a hero.... Footloose flashback.. Bonnie Tyler on the brain now... I wonder who it is? Hmmm. I'm gonna guess that kid Rick whatshisname. Is he still around? He used to listen to him. Is he a hero now? Or is he toast? Or is this some existential thing and the hero is Bruce?


RICK IS ALIVE AND WELL AND FOREVER THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON'S IN HULK'S LIFE. THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR BRUCE'S HULKINESS AND HIS BEST FRIEND.

Ah, so he brought the whole family.

Who is the Black Knightish dude calling for the Avengers? Ah, it's Ares. I thought he was naughty. No, wait, that's DC. Poor me another, Ian!


YEAH ARES IS A MEMBER OF MIGHTY-DICKISH-AVENGERS. HE'S A HEAVY-HITTER, IN THOR'S LEAGUE, ALMOST.

Who's the guy with green hair?


DOC SAMSON. GAMMA-EMPOWERED PSYCHIATRIST. SERIOUSLY. AN OLD FRIEND OF HULK'S WHO HAS HAD HULK ON THE COUCH OVER THE YEARS.

Is that Wonder Man? Did he get a bad die job? He looks totally different. I know, I know... it's Wonder Man, but not the old Wonder Man. It's like the different Darins on Bewitched. It's just plain messed up.


YEAH WONDER MAN HAS BEEN WEARING HIS AWFUL 70S LEISURE-SUIT FOR A WHILE NOW. I MISS HIS COSTUME-COSTUME. HERE HE LOOKS LIKE A YOUNG ALEX CORD CROSSED WITH A PIMP.

Cool. Hulks smashing each other.


I FEEL BAD FOR JEN. WHAT A FUCKED-UP FAMILY. I HAVE COUSINS LIKE THIS, TOO, BUT THEY HAVE NEVER SMASHED ME INTO THE SEWER SYSTEM.

Avengers attack? Wtf? It's assemble? Is this some Mighty Avengers thing. Have to make it their own? Pfft. Attack? That's not what it's all about. Boogers.


THEY SAY IT ONCE IN A WHILE. IT'S SEMI-REGULAR. I KNOW, IT'S ANNOYING AND WHY WOULD THEY TELL YOU WHAT THEY WERE ABOUT TO DO? RI RON'T ROW.

Hee. Korg's the Zippy the Pinhead meets the Thing.

YES. I LOVE HIS NAME. GREAT ALIEN-NAME.

Crikey, the Richards are disfunctional.


WITHOUT SUE REED WOULD BARELY BE A HUMAN BEING. HE WOULD JUST CRYSTALIZE INTO A SILICON CHIP.

I love it when the Thing and Hulk fight. It feels almost fair and I'm not worried about boo-boos.


YEAH AND I WOULD HAVE FELT SOOOOOOOOOOO RIPPED-OFF IF THEY DIDN'T DO THE CLASSIC THING-HULK FIGHT. THIS ONE MADE ME NERVOUS, BECAUSE I KNEW HULK WOULD WHOMP HIM. I LOVE THE THING LIKE
I LOVE MY UNCLES AND I HATE SEEING HIM HURT. HE HAS ACTUALLY BEATEN THE HULK ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASSION. ALWAYS MADE ME SO HAPPY. BUT I GET WHY THEY HAD TO DO THIS. HULK OUT OF CONTROL.
NOT YOUR MOMMA'S HULK. BLABBEDY-BLAH.

I THINK JOHN ROMITA JR. DRAWS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS. MY ORDER OF GREATNESS: KIRBY, RICH BUCKLER, JOHN AND SAL BUSCEMA, AND ROMITA JR. HE'S NOT EASY TO DRAW I WOULD BET. NOT THE ROCKS, EITHER.
HE HAS TO LOOK IMPOSING AND SOME ARTISTS MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE TEDDY RUXPIN.

But that had to hurt! My brother boxed my ears once. He also gave me indian burns, horse bites and smacked me with orange matchbox track. My brother was a meanie.


NAH, JUST A BOY WHO WANTED TO KILL HIS SISTER AND TAKE HER PLACE IN SOME TRAGIC GREEK PSYCHODRAMA.

Why pretend to be the Sentry?


OKAY - YOU KNOW THE SENTRY IS A RETCON CHARACTER WHO WAS ONE OF THE FIRST HEROES, ETC. WELL - SOME RECENT STORIES HAVE TOLD US THAT THE SENTRY WAS A GENUINE FRIEND OF THE SAVAGE 60S-70S HULK AND WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD CALM HIM DOWN. HULK LITERALLY WOULD JUST GET CALM AROUND HIM AND CALL HIM "GOLDEN MAN". TO HULK HE WAS A VISION, OR AN ANGEL, OR A GIANT PLATE OF BUFFALO WINGS. SO THE FF WAS TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT RELATIONSHIP. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE FOR.

Oh, Stretch got it, but good. Hulk's making easy work of all of them and I'm only on ish 2... hmmm.....


THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE FELT FOR REED IN LIKE THREE YEARS. NOBODY DESERVES THAT.

Rick Jones! I kiss myself.


YEP AND I LIKE HIS RECENT DAVID-CASSIDY-ISH LOOK. POINT HIM IN THE DIRECTION OF ALBUQUERQUE.

*sniff* Cap's dead. He woulda found a way to help the Hulk. Gimme another, Ian.


YEAH THAT'S A GREAT MOMENT. EVEN HULK IS WIGGED OUT. THAT'S HOW AWESOME CAP IS AND WILL BE AGAIN WHEN NEW-BUCKY-CAP STOPS SELLING.

I wish you'd been here before. You may go nuts, but nine times out of ten, you seem to hit who ever needs hitting and those guys sure needed it.
Wordy McWord!


YEP THAT'S MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WHOLE MINI. IT'S QUINTESSENTIALLY WHAT THE HULK IS AND WHY HE'S A HERO, NOT A MONSTER.

Get out of my head! - That takes me back to all those fabu early Defenders where "Stupid Magician!" would summon Hulk. *sigh* Good times.


YEAH IT'S NOT SO CUTE ANYMORE TO HEAR DOC IN YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU'RE FEELING BETRAYED BY HIM.

Hercules has a team?

YES. AT THIS POINT "THE INCREDIBLE HULK" IS ABOUT TO BECOME "THE INCREDIBLE HERCULES" AND HERC WORKS WITH NAMORITA (SIGH) AND ANGEL AND AMADEUS CHO. THEY'RE LIKE THE NEW CHAMPIONS. DON'T SCOFF. I MISS THE CHAMPIONS AND ISH 1 IN 1975 IS ONE OF THE BEST COVERS OF ANY COMIC. JUST PURE AND BEAUTIFUL.

Hehehehe! General Ross and his four star mustache! Awesome.


OOOO THE ROSS STUFF IS AWESOME. YOU WILL KVELL, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE SUMMARIZES HIS WHOLE RELATIONSHIP WITH HULK IN THE FIRST TWO PAGES OF ISH 3. HE'S BADDER THAN SAM ELLIOT AND WILLIAM HURT BOTH. "THANKSCH FER THE BEER, MIHO!!!" (BAD IMPRESSION OF SAM ELLIOT FROM "ROADHOUSE")

Phew! That was fun!

I TOLD YA YOU HAD TO READ IT. IT'S OLD-SCHOOL MARVEL MAYHEM. THIS KIND OF STUFF USED TO HAPPEN ON A MONTHLY BASIS AND WAS NEVER BILLED AS AN "EVENT". EVERYTHING WAS AN EVENT AT MARVEL. THE HUMAN FLY WAS AN EVENT. THE MICRONAUTS WERE AN EVENT. ROM, SPACEKNIGHT WAS AN EVENT. NIGHT NURSE WAS AN EVENT.

CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO DOC STRANGE
.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

WORLD WAR HULK #1: WHAT ROUGH BEAST...SLOUCHES TOWARDS MANHATTAN

[A stream of consciousness live-blog]
with an assist from MICHAEL

Okay, so I didn't read Planet Hulk, but I know he was on this planet and stuff happened and there was violence and heartbreak and more violence.. you know, Hulk stuff.


PLANET HULK SUMMARY: HULK GETS HOODWINKED INTO A SPACESHIP AND SENT AWAY BY REED RICHARDS, DR. STRANGE, AND IRON MAN. THE THREE MOST DANGEROUSLY UNSTABLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, BASICALLY. GOOD CALL!

HULK GOES ALL OFF-COURSE AND INTO A WORMHOLE AND LANDS ON PLANET SKANK, WHERE HE IS FIRST A SLAVE, THEN HE'S RUSSEL CROWE/MAXIMUS, HE EVEN FALLS FOR A GRAY BALD ALIEN LADY AND IMPREGNATES HER ("HULK SMASH PUNY UTERUS!"), THEN THE SHIP HE CAME IN BLOWS UP AND KILLS HIS WIFE AND LIL' BABY AND LOTS OF EXTRAS.

HULK BLAME ILLUMINATI JERK-WADS SO HULK HEAD BACK TO EARTH TO SMASH EVERYTHING FOREVER.

He's got that escaped from the sanitarium haircut I so loathe, some stylish gladiator accoutrements and the fight-the-power fist of repressed rebellion goin' on. Cool.

The Savage Planet of Sakaar. Why do alien races use to many vowels? We could seriously kick their ass at Scrabble.

Stabbed him, burned him and ate his very flesh - apparently he was on Celebrity Apprentice. Come on. Admit it. You watch it. Who could pass up a chance to see Joan and Melissa Rivers every week?

Oh boy. The Illuminati's gonna be sorry. Hulk doesn't need oxygen?


HIS LUNGS CAN GO FOR HOURS IN DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERES AND PRESSURES. UNTIL IT'S CONVENIENT FOR THEM NOT TO.

Girded. Hee.

Frankly, I hope he makes a mess of the Inhumans' moon base. They need to be knocked down a peg or six. I got yer mists right here!


I KNOW YOU HATE THEM AND THINK THEY'RE ARROGANT, BUT MEDUSA SHOULD BE SPARED, BECAUSE OF HER HOT 70S-PURPLE FANTASTIC FOUR OUTFIT.

See, I like Blackbolt and his pouty sensuous mouth, but I'm rootin' for Hulk here.


GOOD CALL.

The only thing I remember from my high school science classes is that Pluto is the smallest planet in the solar system. Wait a minute! But I have seen a lot of movies and I thought there was no sound in space. Because, in space, no one can hear you scream, right? So, how how come Blackbolt's scream is working, sorta?


BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE NO STORY IF IT DIDN'T. AND THE MOON HAST TECHNO-CREATED ATMOSPHERE JUST FOR THEM I'D WAGER.

LOL, they just turn their backs and walk away. I don't think so.

Wow, this smart hulk is going to take some getting used to. He's projecting and expositioning. I miss my doodle hulk.


YES YOUR DOODLE-70S-DEFENDERS-DUMB-HULK IS LOOOOONG GONE BY THIS STORY. SERIOUSLY, LIKE 25 YEARS GONE. SINCE THE 70S HE'S BEEN SMART, THEN SAVAGE, THEN SCHMAVAGE, THEN BRILLIANT, THEN GREY, THEN PISSY-VEGAS-MOBSTERY, THEN SAVAGE, THEN JESSICA SAVITCH, THEN SMART AND PISSED AGAIN.

Ah, he was a gladiator. Boy, he'd be sumptin'.Although, I gotta say, my money'd be on Oliver Reed. Okay, maybe not. Off to the Elysian Fields with me which, btw, is a much nicer place than Elysian Park. Go Dodgers!


FINALLY, THIS BLOG WILL GET AN INFLUX OF REGULAR READERS, THANKS TO YOUR OLIVER REED REFERENCE.

Ah, some backstory... I feel like I'm suddenly in a Karl Edward Wagner novel. Hulk is Kane. Hey, did Frank Frazetta ever do a painting of Hulk? That would be coolsies.


HE MAY HAVE. IN THE 70S EVERYBODY DID ACID AND HULK PAINTINGS.

It's actually pretty nice of him to give New York 24 hours. Now if it had been New Jersey...


NEW JERSEY WOULD NEVER LET HIM IN WITHOUT AN EZ-PASS.

Blackbolt does not look well. He's kind of melting.


HIS KISSER IS ALL SCHMOOSHED AND SCHMASHED.

Here's hoping that Tony also gets a fistfull of hello from Hulky. I'm still so pissed at him.


I BLAME EXTREMIS.

Yay, Doc. Please don't hurt Doc. Even though I'm still pissed at him too... I'm fasting in the Artic. Blahblahmystephenwouldneverdothatcakes.


CAN'T WAIT 'TIL YOU SEE HIS CONFRONTATION WITH DOC. IT'S TERRIFIC AND CONTINUITY-DRIVEN.

Hey, there's an idea. Try to solve a problem and not ignore it.

His comrades? Doc has comrades who might be arrested. Clearly I've missed something.


YES. AT THIS POINT DOC IS OFFICIALLY A NEW AVENGER. HIS LINE-UP/COMRADES: IRON FIST, BLACK COSTUME SPIDEY, LUKE, SPIDER-WOMAN, RONIN/HAWKEYE. YOU WILL MEET THEM SOON IN N.A. AND LOVE THEM.

Ah, Deus Ex whatever they need him to be - Sentry.


YES. BUT HE'S USED WELL HERE, TRUST ME. AND IT GIVES ROMITA JR. A GREAT EXCUSE TO REALLY GO TO TOWN LATER ON.

"A word please." - I wonder what that's all about. Private talks with Tony these days never lead to anything good.

Spiderman's got a new outfit. For why? Too many costume changes. Give me the red and blue, please. He looks like venom in this getup. That's right, I said, getup.


HE'S "BACK IN BLACK" FOR THE THEN-CURRENT STORYLINE. DON'T WORY ABOUT IT, HE'S STILL THE SAME SCHTICKSTER. JUST IN BLACK TO EXPLOIT "SPIDER-MAN 3" AND THE MID-80'S.

She-Hulk. Pfft. Green-skinned Ann Coulter wanna-be. Be gone!


SHE'S AWESOME AND YOUR WORDS CANNOT HURT HER. ANN COULTER, I MEAN.

Our telepaths will locate you... J. Zeus, that's creepy.

An orderly evacuation of all of New York? It takes me an hour to get out of the parking lot at Gelsons.

They should cover the ground with puppies and kittens.

I hate this. In the old days, which for me was about 2 months ago, I would have cheered Tony's speech. I would have found it heroic and now it just sounds like bad PR spin.


I DO THINK HE MEANS IT, THOUGH. HE IS ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY AT LEAST. IT'S SOMETHING.

How did he inject Hulk? That must be one hell of a needle. I guess a vibranium needle might do it. Ok, forget what I said.


YES, VIBRANIUM OR ADAMANTIUM WOULD GET THROUGH. YES, I AM A FAKE-METALLURGIST.

Wow. Tony.

Ah, so his planet hulk wife died in a susplosion. The one he blames the Illuminati for. I get it. And, I would have thought they would never ever do that, but I've no doubt that was Tony's (and sadly Reed's too) plan all along.


YOU'LL SEE. IT'S FUNNY THAT YOU HATE THEM SO MUCH AT THIS POINT THAT YOU THINK THEY WOULD PLAN SUCH A HORRIBLE THING. IT SAYS A LOT ABOUT WHAT A HORRIFIC AND HATEFUL HUMAN BEING YOU HAVE BECOME. WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIGN ON WITH TONY AND HUNT DOWN YOUR FRIENDS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT....BETTER YET, JUST A BUST A CAP INTO STEVE ROGERS.

Cool. So much for Stark Tower. What are the Avengers (or is there even an official Avengers any more?) going to do? They should just rent a Winnebago from Lyle Waggoner like Shazam did.


AT THIS POINT THERE ARE NEW AVENGERS AND MIGHTY AVENGERS. SUMMARY: THE NEW AVENGERS ARE AWESOMELY COOL, AND THE MIGHTY AVENGERS ARE DICKS. TWO GREAT BOOKS.

Well, that plan worked well.

It will be good to see Hulk smash Tony for a few issues. But, I'm eskeered for Doc.

YOU SHOULD BE!

S'all for now!