Thursday, April 9, 2009

WORLD WAR HULK #3: BY THE SEVEN SAULS OF CEDARS-SINAI!!!


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]
with commentary from MICHAEL


They're shooting a missile right at his man-parts. I know this war and all, but that's dirty pool.

YOU WOULD DO THE SAME. YOU HAVE BEFORE.

Why is Storm's name X'd out and everyone else's is just crossed out? I'm just sayin'. And why do people say that? "I'm just sayin'." Of course you're just saying, you just said it.

Ross is looking svelte.

HE DID THE SAME DIET DAN MARINO DID. HE EATS REAL-MAN FOOD AND LOSES REAL WEIGHT.

What ish was the saving the planet from aliens and Hulk gets a statue in Central Park? Gotsta reads it.

THAT WAS CIRCA 1983, WHEN HE WAS SMART-BANNERISH HULK AND WAS FORGIVEN, PARDONED, ETC. IT WAS VERY SWEET AND A LONG TIME COMING. HEE. THE HEROES ARE STUPID BECAUSE LOOKEE WHAT HAPPENED.

Why does he look more like the Silver Surfer than the Hulk and what are those boxer-briefs he's wearing and I don't think I ever saw him make that pose

YEAH WHEN HE WAS BANNERISH HE WORE TIGHTY-WHITEY-PURPLEYS FOR AWHILE. WHY THE HELL NOT? FLAUNT IT.

and *sniff* there's Cap in the back ground and dear Stephen who's about to get the rings of raggador wrung outta him.

Hee. Hulk throws his own statue at Thor. How did Doc disappear him? That's another ish I've got to reads.

YEAH DOC BANISHED HIM TO THE NETHERHINTERLANDS FOR SEVERAL ISSUES WHEN HE BECAME ULTRA-SAVAGE-MINDLESS-HULK. HE WANDERED AROUND FOR QUITE A BIT IN THERE. BEST SAL BUSCEMA ART OF HIS WHOLE RUN ON THOSE ISHES AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING.

Betty's dead? What the? Wait. Back up. What the? Oh man. You don't read 40 years worth of comics and you miss a little. *sigh*

YES. BETTY DIED FROM RADIATION POISONING. GAMMA RADIATION. COINCIDENCE? NOPES. TOO MUCH EXPOSURE TO BANNER AND HULK. THE ISSUE WHERE SHE DIED WAS PETER DAVID'S LAST, I THINK, AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL AND SOOOOOOOOOOO FRIGGIN' SAD.

And who is Ross talking to? Anyone who'll listen?

HE'S TALKING TO ALL YOU JOHNNY-COME-LATELYS AND GIVING YOU 40 YEARS OF CONTINUITY.

Yikes! Is that adamantium shrapnel ripping through Greenie?

YESH. IT STINGS.

I guess so. War is hell.

SI. I LOVE THAT THEY HAVE ALL THESE CONTINGENCY PLANS TO DEAL WITH HULK THAT THEY WAITED TO WHIP OUT WHEN HE WENT TRULY BATSHIT INSANE. THIS ALL HAPPENED WHEN BUSH WAS PREZ AND I AM SURPRISED THEY DIDN'T KILL HIM.

Listen to Rick! He's young and hip and soon to be on the animated Gilmore Girls.

YEAH I LIKE HIM IN THIS. THE ONLY VOICE OF REASON ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND. THANKS FOR PLAYING YOUR HARMONICA ON THE GAMMA-BOMB TEST SITE IN YOUR JALOPY, RICK! WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.

Oh, I love the Starbuck's banner at Doc's place! My Bendis arc spoiler was right! [See it here!]

YES THE SANCTUM IS CLEVERLY-SPELLICIZED AS AN EMPTY SOON-TO-BE-STARBUCKS. WAIT 'TIL YOU SEE IRON MAN AND FRIENDS TRY TO BUST IN IN NEW AVENGERS. HEE, THEY'RE TOOLS.

I would not want to be in Hulk's head right now. It'd be worse than living in the Big Brother house.

How'd he pick him up?

OooOooooOoo.... Doc looking sex-ay! All powerful and supreme. And a little scary. "Snuffing out your mortal life"... dang. Doc. That is not cool. We don't snuff.

BUT HE COULD. UNLESS HE DOES WHAT HE DOES BEST, WHICH IS TO SIT OUT THE MOST DRAMATIC EVENTS IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE AND THINK ABOUT COLORFUL RAINBOWS.

Show me your true face. - Oh, that is heartbreaking!

YEAH IT'S SO COOL THAT EVEN HULK HAS TO ADMIT THAT BANNER IS HIS TRUE SELF AND ANCHOR OF BEING. I'M SO GLAD THEY HAD HIM CHANGE BACK AT LEAST ONCE. THERE WAS A BEAUTIOFUL SCENE IN "PLANET HULK" WHERE HULK WILLINGLY CHANGES BACK INTO BANNER FOR A MOMENT TO SHOW HIS LOVER HIS TRUE SELF. SHE ACCEPTS HIM FULLY AT HIS MOST VULNERABLE. THEN HE CHANGES BACK SO HE CAN DO HER.

So, Doc wasn't astrally projecting himself? He was there, just not there? He's so understanding. I love you, Stephen!

Oh Dear - is right! Crap! OOOOOWWWWWWIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!

Oh man. His hands! That's gotta smart. Oh boy.

COOL, HUH? HE WON'T BE MOISTURIZING FOR A WHILE.

Okay, so he was astrally projecting, but not. Kinda.

His fingers are higgley-piggledy! Oh, Stephen. But, really, it's not like he hasn't been there before. Always the hands.

The Night Nurse has got her work cut out for her. How I envy her!

Stupid army. Where's SHIELD? Isn't it their turn to screw this up?

FWAPP! I love that.

Not ding dong likely, you crazy - How can you not love a man who says stuff like that?

I LIKE WHEN HE SHOOTS HIM THE FACE. IT'S SO ANNOYING.

Ah, Miss Hill. Next!

I want a giant Nosering of Healing!

What's with Abu Ghraib?

Tell it like it is, Prez!

THE HULK-RESISTANCE IS IN ITS LAST THROES. AGAIN.

Listen to Zippy, Hulk.

Shadow Elders? Stoneforce of the Old Power of the Shadow - Help me, I've fallen into The Sword of Shannarah and I can't get up.

I LIKE THE MYSTICAL-ALIEN JIBBA-JABBA. MAKES ANYTHING SOUND GOOD. IT HAS A NAME, MUST BE REAL.

Listen to Rick! Why won't anyone listen to Rick?

'CAUSE THERE'D BE NO MORE MINI AND EVERYONE WOULD GO HOME AND STOP WARRING CIVIL-Y ON EACH OTHER.

Obedience disks. On Earth we call those engagement rings.

Oh, Doc's hands. I can barely look at them.

THEN YOU REALLY DON'T LOVE HIM AT ALL....

That he can't do proper magic without his hands makes me nutty and that he can do ANYTHING, but he can't heal his own hands. Sometimes the constraints of necessary internal logic, no matter how illogical, make me want to throw a hissy.

YOU'RE NOT HELPING HIM WITH YOUR BITCHING AND MOANING. JUST GRAB SOME ACE BANDAGES AND GET TO WORK.

Uh-oh. The box. I don't know what's in the box, but nothing good is ever in boxes in these situations.

ZOM! I remember Zom. That sounds like a new sitcom on the WB. I hope Wong's sending a tweet to the Living Tribunal.

GOTTA GIVE PROPS TO GREG PAK FOR REMEMBERING ZOM AND BRINGING HIM BACK.

Summoning a demon - NEVER good. Never. Has this ever worked for anyone? It's like casting Ted McGinley. Don't do it.

MCGINLEY'S WORK ON "HOPE AND FAITH" IS UNDERRATED SO TAKE IT BACK.

Although, Ted would be a good Danny. Better than Dean. And Jon-Erik Hexum can play the Sentry. Sweet jabippy was he hot.

Rick is one brave so-and-so. If Miek was looming over me, I'd pee.

Strange smash.

Seriously?

Worst. Last line. Ever.

BUT SUCH AN ORGASMIC MOMENT FOR US LOVERS OF OLD-SCHOOL CORNY-60S MARVEL.

I blame Zom.

THE FAULT LIES IN YOURSELF.

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