Saturday, February 7, 2009


I heart you.

You are Earth's Sorcerer Supreme, you are chiseledly middle-aged, you have no problem with high collars and I love you sooooo, so much. I have seen you do amazing things, seen you laugh and transcend the so-called Laws Of Physics, seen you get several solo series cancelled on you, and still you shine. My Orb Of Agamoto awaits your Rings Of Raggarok. You rock the 'stache, also. Astral sigh.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


Okay, mystery solved. Liberty Meadows is apparently a hot girl in her early 20s who looks exactly like Spider-Woman and Ms. Marvel-lightning-hooters and she lives in Beltsville because that town, when spelled out on a T-shirt, accentuates the shape and fullness and firmness and loud honking of her breastage. The little squiggly-creature looking at her is the artist's id, touching himself.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

Sweet Georgia Brown. Turn the cover upside-down and tell me we all don't know what's happening here. I feel funny.

'Kay opening...

Ms. Marvel has ginormous bazooms too, and I'm a little squicked by her outfit. Too much, or in this case, too little. Ugh. Super slutty. A lightning bolt separating her breasts. Every woman's dream top.

So much for Klaw.

She blogs, too. A Superhero blog is a fun idea, but this one is no fun... 0 comments indeed.

Ok, weird with the "House of M" strikethroughs.... then it's not struck, then it is again. I know this a some big "event"/tentpole crossover thing. Or a rapper's reality show on MTV.

Cap, being all Cap supportive...he's like the youngish father-figure from a Harlequin. But with a vibranium shield.

Mutant-Human relations are a disaster now... Hmmm...were they ever good? I have seen some of the Marvel Mutants. They look angry. Are we harshing on them? So wrong. They will kill us with their eye-beams and spiky tails.

Spidey's sooo cute.. all sitting nervously on the wall. Such a little boy. Surrogate for all 8 year-olds everywhere. Confused, uncertain, and stuck to a wall.

Teehee.. JJ. Good to see Robbie. And there's that Kat again...

Wow, having Cap and Iron Man vouch for you, and not just say you're okay, but that you're a great hero... I'm so happy for Peter!

Say yes or I quit. - Love him.

Wow... JJ actually held out his hand to Spider-Man. Love Robbie's expression - complete disbelief.

Love Cap's intro.. he really and truly, no hyperbole at all, thinks of these people as family. *sniff*

The new team... exciting! Luke's wearing a suit.. hee... JJ stewing. What's the deal with Beltsville?

That JJ! He's such a poop.

Beltsville again. What gives? They're practically bashing us over the head with Beltsville and Liberty Meadows - same design.... tempted to google it.

Bad Jessica meets some eurotrash villain in a pub... yes i am, no i'm not, maybe... ARGHHHH. Stab yourself in the head already. I hear there are other Spider-Women anyways.

I'm thrilled with the new team. All the corporate characters (TMcoptright2009marvelentertainmentunlimitedco) and a few wierdsies. The Sentry looks a little like Colin Farrell in "Alexander". I think I hate him.

Cliff Notes: So JJ Jameson is promised exclusive coverage of the New Avengers if he will completely go against his stock characterization of the newsguy who hates superheroes and write pretty, shiny stories about their avengings. Then he acts like himself and they're all mad. Captain America promises, that somehow, because this is America and we're all good and the embodiment of the highest in man, he will save Spider-Woman from her quadruple-agent status and panty lines. He goes out to meet the press and gives an Obama-palooza speech and intros the new team, who New York loves, and thank you so much for putting your often-invaded-and-destroyed-headquarters at 33rd and Madison, by the way, can't wait 'til the next Cosmic Menace. Again, thanks.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

I'm Spider-lady and these are my boobs without color. Use your imagination. Uuuuuuse it!

Okay I'm typing as I'm reading. Wowsees. Pretty colors...

Is Kat Farrell someone I should know? Is that the other Jessica (the not double agent one) that's preggie with Luke's baby?

Love that JJ is reaming someone in the foreground. Who is the scary evil iron Man doppleganger on the telly?

What's or who's Liberty Meadows?

I don't like the way Frank Cho draws Cap, but I like his Fury (the bastard!). :-p

All this double-double agents stuff...I dunno. Too much flip-flopping for me to ever get emotionally invested in a character that does's too, dare i say (dare! dare!) Black Widow. But seriously, ugh, with the whole thing. i know men don't care because if she's good, she's mutha fuckin' hot and if she's bad, she's still mutha fuckin' hot.


Cue strategically-placed dialogue bubble and medical tray. Why is the entire cast of Grey's anatomy in the operating room?

It's come back to bite me on the Dugan. - hee.

Who is Nick looking in on at the hospital?

I'm SOOOOOO glad everyone was listening.

Jesus, it's just his head calling.

You tell it like it is, Luke! He is a BAD-ASS MU$!@%$&.

Lies, lies and more lies.

Cliff Notes: So Spider-Woman confesses to Captain mother-fucking America (North America, the good one) that she's a once-powerful-then-powerless-now-even-more-powerful superheroine, former evil spy, now good spy, who has been lying to the team since she joined. Can The New Avengers, not the geriatric ones, trust their only female teammate? Fuck, no, apparently. Then they all got a virtual-bluetooth from Nick Fury because their crazy-ass headquarters looks vaguely French on top so it's time to sit down with 60 Minutes. Fun, and lots of boobage and handsome male faces. Steve Rogers/Captain America is foxy. Would enjoy discussing a stimulus package with him.


There were Old Avengers? Like, geriatric ones? Remember to ask Michael to explain. Geez Louise on a piece o' hard cheese, look at this frikkin' cover!

I'm Spidery-Woman hero chick and these are my breasts, in case you hadn't noticed how plush they are, lemme just lift my Madonna-muscly-arms and shows ya closer. See? Boobs. Clear? Also please note how the yellow on my costume points directly to my lady garden. If you want me, teenage boys (gals too) and horny geeks, you can hiz-az me. Personal note to self: buy milk.

Sorry can't start review until I share this other NEW AVENGERS cover I found...


That's like, God made the perfect badonkadonk. I bet this one sold like 12 godzooky-million copies, mostly teenage boys and people who like asses.


Monday, February 2, 2009


Sorry but it must be said - Mary Jane Watson-Parker McSpider-Man-who-is-now-retconned-out-of-existence was a whore. She dressed like a hophead and acted kind of ditsy because she WAS ditzy. She never quite got out of the go-go cage Peter must have found her dancing in back in 1967. I know there are legions who are crushed by her erasure, but clearly Gwen is the gal for him. His House of MVerse Fantasy-Island scenario is his true heart's desire. Cram it with yams, "MJ". When they retcon you back, I will spit on your Uggs.