MIGHTY THOR'S FINANCIAL COLUMN

Across the chasm betwixt thee and thy Superiors, I greet thee, mortal! Thy curiosity in affairs of the purse stirs me, and moves e’en a god himself to share his mighty abundance of market speculation with thee!

‘Tis said thine economic might doth crumble whilst your temporal leaders continue their plunder. Fear not, mortal! ‘Though yon IRAs and mortgages art rent asunder, the gods know what thy sorry kind doth not: that there art billions of untapped markets for thee to snare by the scruff, and ravenously feast upon! It gladdens the bursting heart of Thor to share these very hot investment opportunities with thee!

MAGICAL TREASURE - whilst corn and sorghum are all-but-eternal mortal staples, ‘tis the never-ending discovery of Magical Treasure in the Other Realms Eternal that doth keep the gods supplied with mead, ale and thunderbolts. ‘Twere there no Magical Treasures in far-off Realms Eternal for the gods to command, mighty Thor himself could not afford the monthly on his mystic Uru hammer, Mjolnir. Consider investing thy remaining wealth into the search for Magical Treasure. ‘Tis highly recommended by me, because it worketh!

MEAD - Yon mortals’ love for Coca-Cola, Red Bull and irradiated nectars doth pale when placed before the light of the love the Immortals doth shine forth for Mead, the Quencher Of Gods. ‘Though some of your kind can reach the highest perceptions, still ye cannot imagine the heights of flavored ecstasy that fermented honey and tap water provides. The Vigor Of The Shining Ones like myself doth originate in the resplendent alchemy of this beverage - he who partakes may as well drink the light of your Sun. And - no aspartame! Mighty Thor’s Mead-Protein Blast is available at all GNC stores!

ABSOLUTE COMMAND OF THE ELEMENTAL FORCES - ‘tis said that a beneficial product and a smile can make the smallest man the mightiest Frost Giant. The God Of Thunder disagrees. Nothing gives any being more genuine confidence, more awareness of the power within, more blazing financial success than absolute command of the forces of Nature, or, to me, Mother Fire. To rain a Storm Of Strogaard upon a weekly meeting gone awry by thy lateness, to crack Midgard itself with a Tremor Of Taborius, to wipe the boardroom clean of all competition with a Gust Of Gormanicorr - wouldst not all thy ventures be victorious? Yet ye do not. What cur most mortals be. Learn ye thee now, to control the elements, by visiting www.mightythorselfhelptapes.org - wherein for a small pittance of $49.99 ye shall receive a CD of Lessons On How To Command The Elements. Thine results mayest vary, buy nay, no refunds. Also, Thor must warn ye by federal law that CDs have been known to cause anal leakage. As yet, no mortal science-worker can determine the reason.

From ‘cross the Rainbow Bridge, wherest all is Blinding Perfection ever unknown to mere man, I bid thee farewell ‘til next I deign speak to thee!

Also, heed: on mine website there lies also a sale on my newest book, “The Power Within The Power’s Power: How To Accesseth That Power”.