Thursday, February 12, 2009


So there's a prison that holds super-villains in New York and a guy with electric hands rips a hole in it and busts out all the scary-ass peeps and the Avengers can't assemble because they've recently Disassembled so there'll be no assembly required. Or will there? Peter McSpider-Man hooks up with Captain America (who looks awesome, art is wonderful) who hooks up with Daredevil in his regular-guy lawyer persona and Luke Cage and Spider-Woman to fight the fleeing and attacking villains and it's not going so well.

But then Iron Man shows up, and everyone starts acting a little team-y because Captain America knows his shit. More fighty and then it looks bad again for our guys and then The Sentry, who looks like God with a God complex, flies in and puts some gross hurtin' on villains and alien symbiotes. Cap tells Iron Man that this means there are New Avengers, it's a sign from heaven or Abraham and Esther Hicks, and Iron Man sighs and says okay because he's rich. Cap goes on a recruitment drive and lands Luke, Peter-Spidey, Spider-Woman and her heart-shaped bottom, but not Daredevil because he has problems, one of which is apparently that he whines.

Then the New Are We Avengers Yet are off to a Jungle Land to fight a guy who can turn into a Pterodactyl and hypnotize you (because it's not enough to be a half-man, half-Pterodactyl), they run into Wolverine because this team needs another flagship character for sales, they get captured and someone takes their clothes off and they're hanging there naked, full-on, their hooh-hahs and hooty-cats covered by bands of energy. They bust out and fight some monsters and find out that whatever the hell is going on here at Jungle Cruise, SHIELD is involved. They just are. The Are We Avengers Yet have a hug-it-out session and offically declare without directly declaring it that they are now a real team and our adventure has only begun, and Spider-Woman is very suspicious and a lying whore and how will anyone share a bathroom with Wolverine? The adventure continues.

This was awesome and better than six summer movies crammed together. The naked part was best.

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