Monday, February 23, 2009

NEW AVENGERS ILLUMINATI #3: PUT ON YOUR MEMBERS ONLY JACKET!



[A stream of consciousness live-blog]


Ish 3...

OOoo, they've given Charles the Raccoon-Eyes of Evil Intent. Or maybe he's just tuckered. Why is it that evil always has shadowed/dark rimmed eyes? Are their evil ways keeping them up at night? Vitamin B deficiency? Reed should study that.

Ok, I'm guessing I'm supposed to know who this Beyonder is. The only thing he seems beyond right now is fashion sense.

"He constructed a place called Battleworld and populated it with 37 men and women from the planet earth. Then told us to fight to the death." - See it, Monday nights at eleven on SpikeTV - television for men.

Ooooo, big cool two-panel with oodles and kaboodles of supers. Hmmmm, Hawkeye and Thor. I wonder when this was.

Why do people in wheelchairs get blankets and the rest of us don't?

An inhuman mutant...like Sammy Davis, Jr.

Poor BlackBolt. He needs another hug. I'm here for you and your sensual, pouty mouth, BB! No tongue, though. That would shatter a mountain.

Again, with the quickly and quietly.

Doc's looking very serious and slightly ominous.

Oh, snap. You tell him, Namor. He's keeping something from them.

Hee. He will bow down..love you, Namor.

Ok, hold the phone. We don't know where Tony is and we hope he's ok? A little cavalier (and no Clay) there isn't it?

Love how Namor peels the baloney off the bread and accusing them of profiting off the Skrull ship!

Cool. Manhattan in the middle of an asteroid belt. It's probably easier to drive into than the real one.

There are no people here. They have no minds. They are just empty vessels. - Yup, Manhattan all right. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. Left Coast!

Coolsies, blaxsploitation Luke and old school Spidey with new school webbing? Is that a no prize?

The Beyonder is...........Denny Terrio? I wonder if he'll sue Merv Griffin later in this ish.

By the Boogers of Bendis! Looks like he's going to pick Doc's nose!

Wow, he did bow down. Boltagon? Okay, that's lame. Even Blackie McBoltington would be better.

Oooo. HULK SMASH his way into my heart.

Doc's having a hard time with this. That'd be a great way to kill him, not that I support that in any way, but to tamper with the natural order. It makes him ooky.

Ok, it's unnatural cause the Mists got their, uhm, mists in a twist and created him? That's bogus. He's as natural as corn syrup. Didn't you hear? It's just made from corn!

But seriously. He's getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop here. He created a fantasy world with fake people and plays with them. If that's wrong, I don't want to be right! Is this some self-reflexive loathing on Marvel's part? Where would they be without Beyonders, I mean fans?

We can interfere with our own species. I'm going to remember that!

Holy crap! Doc's in bed with Clea and...Wanda? Is that Wanda? THAT'S his greatest fantasy? I'm so depressed.

Seriously. I threw up a little in my mouth.

Great panel looking back down into the skylight of his village house.

And Reed dreams of Iron Man with boobies?

Wtf?

Namor's people invading the surface world, that I can live with.. that makes sense... but the others.. I can't go on...

Finally. Good for you BB!

Doc is having a total spaz. Did he turn him to stone? Yikes. I second your "Uhm", Reed, and add a "The Hell?" Did he do it to himself?

He was fragile...infantile. "And quite a %^$# idiot. " - Teehee!

Ok, so, I don't know what to make of any of that. All I know is I'm still barfy and need a drink. Oh, Doc. I thought I knew ya! I will have to purge all memory of this or find some fantastic rationalization. It just doesn't compute. I know he's a man, but his greatest desire is a threesome? I expect that from Amy Winehouse, but not from Doctor Strange.

I guess not having read about the Beyonder before leaves me a disadvantage here, but this ish left me with a strong "what the frak was that?" feeling. Characters out of whack and the story.. I don't get it.

Oh, well. They can't all be home runs. Unless you're juiced. Right, A-Rod?

S'all for tonight. I'm going to pretend none of that happened and weep softly.

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