Thursday, February 26, 2009


(AP Wire, February 26, 2009, 10:06AM) - Giant monster from Planet X Goom has filed copyright infringement and defamation lawsuits against website GOOP.COM, a high-end lifestyle/fitness/spiritual website created and hosted by Oscar-winning actress Gywneth Paltrow.

“I, Goom, have been hard at work for four and half years on, a webzine that caters to the whims and needs of the discerning, wealthy-celebrity-giant-alien-monster,” said Goom from his underground volcanic lair at one of Earth’s undisclosed energy-meridian points. “I had even secured the services of famed spiritual guru Klatari The Wizened from Crozun 6, and he is a tough “get”, as we say in the webzine business. He insisted the purity of his message could not be conveyed in your Earth language, but thankfully, he changed his mind when I promised him a feast on the still-beating hearts of your world leaders.”

Goom insists that the similar names of the websites will inadvertently drive traffic in the direction of Paltrow’s burgeoning venture. “Goop is much like Goom, except there is a P in it. Miss Paltrow’s site is already up and running, whilst I still await my domain name from It is unfair. Were I not so very excited about my new venture, I would flap my mighty wings and soar over Hollywood, and use my telekenetic might to explode the brains of its inhabitants, in the hopes that Paltrow be amongst them! For NO ONE defies the power that is....GOOM!”

Ms. Paltrow’s representatives had no comment. Goom’s legal counsel, Adamson, Schulman, Borecki, Myers & Thune, have stated: “In the Wild West environment that is Internet publishing, it is time for giant alien monsters to put a stop to the blind monsterism that allows for a talent such as our client to be railroaded by a Hollywood entertainer. Oh, and please help us, Goom is not paying us, and should we lose the case, he will use his powers to boil our blood and explode our brains. Please, for the love of God, someone help us, and um, no one defies the power that is....Goom.”

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