Wednesday, March 4, 2009

RUSH LIMBAUGH HOPES FOR FAILURE OF SUPERMAN, JESUS, AND SANTA CLAUS


March 3, 2009 - (AP Wire) - Bloated conservative spokesman and radio host Rush Limbaugh ate chili fries and declared on his nationally-syndicated program this morning that he hopes that "Superman, Jesus and Santa Claus fail."

Nibbling on a rack of veal chops, Limbaugh railed against the wasteful spending of Superman, whose Fortress Of Solitude is curently in receivership. Limbaugh then asserted that Jesus thought He was more famous than Rush, with a truly international audience, and "needs to be taught a lesson". In regards to Santa Claus, Limbaugh provided little detail on the cause of his displeasure with the jolly gift giver, but entertained his loyal audience of 20 million listeners with the story of his own first Christmas as a child, where he woke up to no presents and was told by his parents that there's no Santa, get used to it, and then they beat him and he ate a lot of cake later that day.

Spokespersons for Superman, Jesus and Santa Claus did not return phone calls. Limbaugh likes pies and can eat a whole one without chewing once.

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