Friday, March 6, 2009

INFINITY GAUNTLET #4: THE BATTLE OF THERMOPYLAE, BUT WITH MORE CLOTHES


[A stream of consciousness live-blog]



And now we rejoin the melee already in progress...

NotThor, Firelord (why don't the other elements get to be superheroes?) , Namor and his amazing space-speedo and Iron Man in really awkward looking armor are about to take on the Cheshire Cat.

You know what's cool. Thor throws his hammer, IM sends off a repulsor ray or maybe Charlotte Rae (imagine the damage she could do!), Firelord shoots a fireball thingy but Namor - he just throws himself! Awesome.

So far Operation Cannon Fodder is going as planned. It's a fight against all odds... and now Ann Reinking will ruin that song forever. Again.

Is Mephisto yanking Thanos's chain here or what? I guess that's really his power though, isn't it? The silver tongued devil.

And, seriously, all this for a woman? On behalf of my sex, y'all need to reassess.

A 0.05% chance. I can hear the boards in Vegas flip. I need to go to Vegas again soon. I need a watered down drink in a plastic bong so big I could sublet it.

It's only Nebula? Good god man. This poor woman is damned to live like something out of the Weta workshop and all you can say is "Oh." You, Eros, are on my list.

I hope Nebula is freed and kicks his ass.

Ya know, Thanos's floating castle in space thing looks like that game "Don't Break the Ice". Remember? You'd put little ice blocks into this frame and then put a little fisherman guy on one, then you'd take turns whacking on the ice cubes till the little guy falls. Good times.

"This creep"... oh my kingdom for savage/doodle hulk! He's just so much more fun! Dumb purple face make hulk angry.

I keep confusing Vizh and the Surfer.. damn the design team to hell and Detroit.

"Away from me, you clowns!" Apparently being a god did not improve his vocabulary.

He turned Namor and She-Hulk into the Snuffleupagus. I always thought Snuffy was cool but I have to admit he scared me a little. I was always afraid he was going to step on someone.

Stupid Doom. Figures.

Eric Masterson...boy, I really did miss a lot skipping several decades.

Adamantium bone transforms into spongy rubber.. Eww.

You tell him, Surfer!

Mongo just pawn in game of life.

Wow, Wanda's bikini cut is riding high!

Ok, fins! Time out. Terraxia shouldn't be able to fight. And, note to Thanos, that's NOT going to endear you to Mistress Death. Just sayin'.

Cyclops. I've got to read some X-Men to purge the boring movie Scott from my mind. I hear tell he's a great character, but god was he flat as a 12 year old girl in the movie. Like Doom. I've read enough to know how awesome and fun he is. If I only had that craptastic version from tragic FF movies...

Ok, is Albino Vision el stupido? Why didn't he make himself all not there and stuff? Was Thanos too fast for him? Thanos doesn't look fast. I mean he's probably fast for an inside linebacker, but he's not built for speed. I wonder how he did at the combine.

Oh, even though he's Albino and not my Vizh.. I hate to see his guts yanked out.

Has there ever been a movie with an Albino hero? I mean they're always villains. The twins from Matrix, Silas from Please Buy My Next Book Even Though It's Derivative, I mean The DaVinci Code, the guy from Foul Play.. and of course, the Morlocks, who I totally don't blame for eating the Eloi. I'll have to google and see if there's been an albino hero...

That was a reaaaaaally long 60 seconds, Eric Masterson. Now, Bat Masterson. That's an awesome name.

Yeah, I guess the whole, let's leave the one who cast the spell that lets us breath behind idea wasn't so hot, was it? Why did they leave him? So he could coordinate or communicate or something? Well hells bells. I ain't seen none of that.

Oh, so now you give a crap about Nebula. Sort of. You're still on the list.

Finally, Spidey's in the fray. What the hell has he been doing?

Ok, what happened? Square as in cubes. What are all those? Is that Nova? The hell?

I know it's all going to be "reset", but I hate there are so many reminders that it's going to happen.

Quantum Bands. I wonder what they do.

Okay, not much apparently.

Cap is so awesome. Great series of panels.

The Surfer misses his mark? What? I call BS. He's got one thing to do. ONE... and he misses? Not my Norrin!

Ooooo, the big guns. Coolsies.

Eros is a sissy and I hope he gets his.

S'all for now. Next up, Astral Conflagration. Put some Witch Hazel on it and it'll be fine.

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