INFINITY GAUNTLET #1: HALFSIES

[A stream of consciousness live-blog]

While reading the Illuminati mini, I came across the Infinity Gauntlet. Don't know squat about it, but, thanks to eBay and a fin burning a hole in my pocket, I got my little mitts on it. So, come back to the early 90s with me when the Soviet Union ended and Herman's Head began.

Ish 1...


Ok, if I were a GOD, or in my case, GODDESS, would I live on some crap planet that looks like it was made by some 40 year old virgin named Eugene in his basement with Magic Rocks? I think not.

Not to mention that I'd get a little work done. I mean, that chin. Thanos. We need to talk. You're God, bubeleh, you should look the part.

OooOooh, Doctor Strange, all contemplative 'n shi.

I love that he has chairs, but doesn't use them. I guess if I could levitate, I wouldn't either.

An outbreak of insanity in the Catskill mountains. - Joke to easy, must resist.

Wipe out! Surfer. Haven't seen him in forever, ok, it's been a few months real time. I think the last time was when Micheal gave me Hulk 250 to read. Poor Hulky. Poor Surfer. I bundle them both.

Thanos is coming! I'm guessing that's bad.

Mistress Death... played by Courtney Love. Ok, she said what?

Apparently Death has long thought the fact that there are more people alive today than have ever died was a type of cosmic imbalance. Yeah, except no. And a wtf are you talkin' 'bout Death? I think Death has been smokin' a little sumpin' sumpin', if ya know what I mean. Note to Death: Yahoo Answers is not reliable.

Hehehe. Love the panel, mid-exposition, with the Surfer yanking on Doc's cloak in urgency and pulling him forward. Don't know why, but that's a riot.

Wow, slaughter half the sentient population. At least Paris Hilton's safe.

Did he just blow up his own crappy planetoid?

He should wish himself a fashion sense.

I love how characters have things like Death's Infinity Well. Can I get that at Lowes?

David Birney was the keeper of the Space gem? Briget Love Birney. It's always bugged me that... Birney/Bernie thing. That and the whole craptastic show. When you think Audra Lindley is slumming, you know you're in trouble.

In other words, Thanos now has the ubridbled power of a God! Why didn't he just say that? Makes me crazy. Like people to prattle on then say "long story short".. come on, work with me, people!

The metaphysical world of the soul gem is... Lidsville!

Ok, Adam Warlock, I've seen that name, but don't know nuttin' bout him. But he's got great hair.

Thanos has a thing for Death?

Seems like a lot of trouble to get three husks.

Wow, he is truly whipped.

Who's the craggy death butler who brings the truth?

It could be the new Wynn hotel in vegas.. Death's Shrine. Actually, that's not a bad idea. Ok, it is a bad idea, but there's kernel of the germ of the nucleus of a good idea there. A Goth(ish) Casino. I want comps.

Oh, burn.

He killed his mother? Yikes.

So, the Universe is in danger because this guy wants some. Dude.

Wow, he is a bad citizen.

Oh, yeah. I've got to destroy half the universe. Back to work...

Oh snap, literally!

Spidey!!! Love the first long panel. Coolsies.

Oooo... halved.

Hee... a little Howard the Duck product placement. I wonder if he made the cut. I wonder what other supers didn't make it.

With my luck, MJ made it. Upside, the lines to ladies room at concerts are going to be half as long! That's a pretty good bonus. Seriously. Men, you have no idea.

Hee. Avengers HQ. Subtle... Aliens, attack here!

Cap in any era, rocks.

Ohmygod that Avengers portrait with Beast looking like a goof... classic.

Who the hell is Sersi?

Guess I don't have to worry about that now.

Bye, Hawkeye. Again.

SHIELD is stuck in 70s still. Nice to see somethings don't change.

Captain Understatement. Half the world disappears and he says, "I've got a feeling about this one, Val. This one's going to be bad... real bad." Ya think?

Ok, this isn't my Savage/Doodle Hulk of the 70s, is it? He's got that "fresh from the asylum" haircut and a shirt he borrowed from Luke Cage.. not to mention he's drinking a beer. This is going to take some getting used to. (I've only read Savage Hulk)

I totally missed the Abomination connection.

Oy, again with the Kree/Skrull Hatfields and McCoys fued.

Wong. *sniff*

Wow, Surfer's going apeshit. Poor Norrin. He feels too much. I'm surprised Doc is all, what's wrong? Don't you feel it, Doc? This happened 28 years ago in a fictional universe and even I can feel it!

Ah, the Destroyer is my Doodle Hulk substitute. Calm yourself, my Emerald friend.

And they have the chick... sewing. Sometimes, I just want to cry.

Ok, I have no idea who these goofs are, but I guess I'll find out.

Well, that was set-uppy. Was good to see my dearest Stephen even if he was a straight man and totally out of touch with the cosmic onenesss. But, I forgive. That's the way I'm constituted.

Part two, coming soon!