TALES OF THE WATCHER

In the next exciting issue: Uatu watches...something.

"NUTRITION BY NATALIE" ENDS MY 40-YEAR AFFAIR WITH LUCKY CHARMS, YET TEACHES ME HOW TO LOVE

Not only am I like all into nutrition more than I ever was, but I especially am all into a really cute girl telling me about it. "Nutrition By Natalie" is a bunch of videos on YouTube that have a lot of good and easily-digestible info about health and whatnot, and Natalie is really cute. I will eat better now, but only for her.

Lucky Charms rule and were once worshipped by the secret Altantean priestcraft, but - gasp - they are essentially candy and as good for you as Abilify has been for Hank Pym. Now, I always knew this, even as a kid, but now, Natalie has told me, so it's really true. Natalie Natalie Natalie. Say it loud and there's music playing. Say it soft and it's almost like praying.

DUDE, AWESOME KEGGER!!!

WORST NEW PRODUCT NAME

LETTER I WROTE TO NIGHTSHADE WHEN I WAS IN THIRD GRADE

Deer Nightshade,

You are sooooo pretty. I can see your belly button. I like your hair, too.

Even tho you tried to kill Captin America and you turned Falcon into a werewolf, I still think you are great. I can see your thighs. Do you like Good Humor Ice Cream? I love the Chocolate Fudge Cake Bar. You know the one with the candy bar in the middle and you have to eat all the ice cream and crumblies around it to get to it? That one. It's soooo good. If you came over my house and the Good Humor truck came by, I would buy you one. They are 35 cents. They used to be only 25 cents but there is an oil crisis and my Dad is always yelling at Prezident Nicksman when he's on TV.

How come your boots go up so high? Are you cold? I have a fringe jacket my Dad got me at Sears. You can have it if you want it. It might not fit you but you could cover your chest and that way not get so many colds. But now I am thinking about you covering it and it makes me feel sad. I don't know why but it does.

If we got married you would always be happy because I would always be nice to you and I get really good grades so someday I will be rich and probably a pirate or a ghost or
I will make Bic Banana magic markers. I would make the purple ones purpler.

I heart U 4ever, as much as Gwen,
Michael

YODEL-AY-HEE-HOOOOOOOOOOOO

The upcoming "Spider-Man" musical, directed by Julie "Lion King" Taymor and with songs by U2, was semi-previewed this week and here's some news:

"Ishioka’s costumes were breathtaking — a rogues gallery of the villains that appear onstage in the musical received audible gasps from the audience, including the Green Goblin, Lizard, Kraven, Swarm, and a new female villain created at the behest of Taymor, Swiss Miss (dressed in immaculate white dominatrix gear and multiple knives)."

Now, I get why Swarm might be in this show. After all, there is a HUGE untapped audience of fans of obscure villains from "The Champions". But "Swiss Miss" just puts the parafin-wax on my homemade fudge. I mean, hells yes, The Swiss Miss girl is hot, and anyone who wouldn't want to tap that is just crazy. She is truly the ALMOST-ultimate male fantasy: a porn-y blonde who speaks broken English, bearing chocolate. But I just don't see how she is gonna fit into the rogue's gallery, unless it is later revealed that she is really Gwen Stacy, who went mad after ingesting too many tiny marshmallows. That would be cool because it wouldn't be Mary Jane.

MEME, YOU FUNNY LITTLE GOOD FOR NOTHING, MEME

~P~ of Sanctum Sanctorum Comix showed the darker side of his nature in tagging moi for a meme. There's a special place for meme taggers and I'll see you there, ~P~!

As requested, here are the rules...

The Rules
1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Write six random things about yourself.
4) Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5) Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

And now, six random things about me...

1. I auditioned for the role of Mallory on TV's Family Ties. Needless to say, I didn't get it. Damn you, Justine Bateman!
   
2. I can watch three NFL games in one day without breaking a sweat.
   
3. I've seen every movie Bob Hope ever made. Even Call me Bwana.
4. The scariest thing I've ever done is ride a giant Ferris wheel run by an ex-con named Spyder at a tiny town fair in Maine.
   
5. When I was five I wore cowboy boots with everything including my PJs.
   
6. I just started reading comics last year, which should explain why I don't know doodle about them.

Now, since I'm new to the Blogosphere, I don't know any fellow bloggers who haven't already been tagged, so I can't name the next victims. However, if there are any lurkers out there who would like to take up the meme mantel, please do! And show yourselves sometime. :-)