HULK HAVE CHIPS AND SALSA AND RC COLA AND IS WATCHING 2010 OSCARS!!!

HULK JUST SAT THROUGH SEEMINGLY ENDLESS RED CARPET INTERVIEWS. HULK ANNOYED. WHY EVERYONE THRILLED TO BE HERE? PLACE IS FULL OF PUNY HUMANS.

WHY MILEY CYRUS SO SERIOUS ALL OF A SUDDEN? IS HULK SUPPOSED TO THINK "OH, MILEY SERIOUS NOW. CAN PLAY SERIOUS ADULT ROLES"? HULK DOESN'T THINK SO. HULK SAW "THE LAST SONG". HULK WAS MISLED BY TITLE. MORE SONGS CAME.

SHOW START NOW. PUNY STARS ONSTAGE. SANDY BULLOCK (HULK CALL HER SANDY BECAUSE SHE LIKE HULK'S MOVIE, SAID SO AT SCREENING) LOOK GREAT.

MERYL STREEP JUST WON OSCAR FOR STANDING ONSTAGE.

DOOGIE HOWSER ONSTAGE. SINGING. HULK CANNOT GET PAST DOOGIE'S SHINY JACKET. DOOGIE LOOK LIKE LIBERACE CIRCA 1954.

PUNY STEVE MARTIN AND NOT-SO-PUNY ALEC BALDWIN TAKE STAGE. STEVE THINK GLASSES MAKE HIM LOOK SMART - LIKE PUNY BANNER!!!

ALEC EITHER WEARING TRUSS OR LOST EQUIVALENT OF TWO BALDWIN BROTHERS.

HULK HAPPY CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER THERE. PLUMMER IS THINKING MAN'S BRADFORD DILLMAN.

HAAAHHH!!! JAMES CAMERON JOKES FUNNY. HULK JUST SPIT OUT CHEDDAR POPCORN.

QUENTIN TARANTINO LOOK LIKE HE SWALLOWED JACKIE BROWN.

WHO TAYLOR LAUTNER? HE LOOK LIKE HE NEED IMMODIUM, STAT.

HULK LLOOOOOOOOVE PENELOPE CRUZ. HULK WOULD DEFINITELY "BE ITALIAN" FOR HER. HULK FEEL WARM AND FUNNY.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR WINNER: CHRISTOPHE WALTZ, "INGLORIOUS BASTERDS"

HARVEY WEINSTEIN LOOK HAPPY. HULK LIKE TO SEE HARVEY HAPPY. HARVEY IS ONLY PUNY HUMAN THAT SCARES HULK. HULK ONCE SAW HARVEY THROW A CELLPHONE SO HARD IT LODGED INTO ASSISTANT''S THROAT. ASSISTANT MAKES CALLS NOW BY PRESSING NECK. HARVEY SMASH!

OY. HULK HATES SITTING THROUGH POMPOUS INTROS TO CLIPS. RYAN REYNOLDS NORMALLY SO FUNNY. HULK THINKS SCARLET JOHANSEN MADE HIM LEAVE FUNNY AT HOME. SCARLET HAVE NICE -- WAIT! ANNOUNCER JUST SAY CAMERON DIAZ COMING UP. HULK MUST FRESHEN UP AND LOOK HULK'S BEST!! HULK LOVE CAMERON!!!! WHEN CAMERON SMILE, HULK DOES NOT WANT TO SMASH - HULK WANTS TO MAKE HULK'S FAMOUS PECAN SANDIES!